good morning!

it is 11am and I just finished my usual Saturday morning
lolly-gagging in bed routine.
I was actually productive for a part of it, though,
planning out my day.
I have a lot to do today as usual.
Will be preparing for tomorrow's father's day
lunch.
I'm feeling a tiny bit anxious because of all the things
i have to accomplish today, since tomorrow is pretty much
all about family.

I hope I can accomplish everything I set out to do today.
there truly is never enough time.
I often feel like an Alaskan salmon swimming upstream
all.the.time.
A part of me knows there is a way to strategize
around this and make things work for me.
I suppose I just need to learn how to recognize
and pat myself on the back for the things I
AM ABLE to accomplish.

Anyhoo, i'm craving breakfast.
not sure what to eat, but
will raid the fridge now.
More later.

evolve.

i feel like I am in a transitional space in my life.
my evolved perspectives on life seem almost simple now,
as if I know there is yet a 4th, 5th, dimension/layer to add
to the current picture.
my brain still cannot accept that it has more room to grow,
even though my intuition & spirit tells me different.

a part of me feels like it is my time to be tested
on everything i believe, think and perceive
in order to add that 4th, 5th dimension/layer to my
total understanding of life,
so that i can be a truly selfless person
and be able to rise above the minutia of life
which clouds our thinking/being and keeps us from
seeing, experiencing and processing the world the way
we are meant to.

i welcome the experience & the challenge.

living out truths

as committed as I am to living out my truths
and being the person that I am,
one thing that has been a constant challenge,
particularly in my work life lately, is: honesty.
Or, more specifically, being able to vocalize my true feelings.

I am learning more concretely that, particularly in the kind
of environment that I work in, honesty is the best policy.
but lately I have been struggling with how to share
my opinions and thoughts honestly without hurting or offending others
or looking like a complete ignoramous.
For years, I have played my cards conservatively in this realm for many reasons:
- fear
-intimidation
- lack of confidence in self

I had a positive conversation with my co-worker today
who reminded me that my voice is valid, regardless of my
breadth of knowlege & experience in my field of work as compared to others.
she reminded me to take ownership of my leadership skills
and use it without reservation.

truthfully, it has been difficult to find this affirmation within myself,
primarily because I am always my biggest critic.
so it felt good to hear what she had to say, even though I know that,
ultimately, I need to be able to find that affirmation within myself.

its amazing how regardless of how much we age, there are always things about us that we have yet to learn/master. There are always these "issues" or things we need to work out to be better human beings for ourselves and for others. I suppose that I am not as bad since I can at least recognize my short-comings. However, I still worry about what kind of mother I will be to my children with these un-reconciled "issues" looming over my head. I certainly don't want them to negatively affect how I raise my kids.

nevertheless, as I mentioned earlier, I am seeing more concretely how honesty really is the best policy...in every aspect of my life. In my work life where my focus right now is in developing solid infrastructure to support and develop a youth development program, honesty is crucial. I will continue on in learning through this process, and I hope to be able to write more about my progress on this journey soon...