beautiful butterfly
last friday, nov. 19th, i had a nice 2-hour lunch
with my co-workers.
i introduced them to this cute little italian
restaurant tucked away in a little alley
just a few blocks from our office.
one of my co-workers suggested having lunch together as a way
to distract herself from her soon-to-be released
Bar exam results.
of course, i obliged.
as usual, we talked our usual office gossip
and threw in stories about our families
and other goings on in our lives.
since that particular day was my auntie linda's one-year death anniversary,
i decided to share a little bit about her passing as well as her life.
it was a little surreal, like it always is, to talk about her in the past tense.
it's even more surreal when i recap the whole tragedy involved in her passing.
but, somehow, i am able to tell her story with a light heart.
i have no regrets or doubts when i talk about her.
i suppose i even feel a sense of responsibility to tell her story
as a way of keeping her spirit alive.
i haven't visited her "parking space" in months
nor have i performed my usual routine of looking
outside of the window of my BART train in the morning
to look for the monument that stands next to her grave.
i honestly haven't found a need to.
she is everywhere. there is no way to tie her spirit down
to one spot. that is why i call her grave her "parking space".
even when she was alive, she lived so fully. she traveled the world,
shopped like a maniac, laughed and joked with you like no one else could
and was plain and simply the epitome of life.
over the past year, i believe that she has been with me.
i believe that she watches over me and the rest of my family.
i believe that in many ways, she has blessed us this year
(i.e. the birth of her grandson, Mayson; her daughter graduating from grad school and getting engaged last weekend)
i believe that in her own way, she even sends me messages, sending me her love and assuring me that she is alright
...i believe this was her message to me last friday.
while walking with my co-workers back to our office after lunch,
something big flew towards us.
it lingered close to us for a moment, just long enough for me
to realize what it was.
at that moment, i gasped and put my hand to my mouth.
i didn't know whether to shout or cry in happiness...
the big thing that flew towards us was a
beautiful butterfly.
now, mind you, this was odd for many reasons, namely:
a) this was a huge, almost hummingbird-size butterfly, with orange and black wings, which i have probably only seen one other time in my existence AND...
b) this butterfly was flying around in the MIDDLE of the FINANCIAL district in the city, where butterflies are literally EXTINCT!
needless to say, i felt extremely blessed and humbled.
i said a silent prayer of thanks to auntie and realized that
the moment that i saw the butterfly
was around the same time of day that my auntie passed on last year.
amazing.
how appropriate, i thought, to see a butterfly.
not only is it a symbol of life,
it is also a representation of transformation from one life into another,
into its most beautiful form.
something for me. something for you. though mostly for me. but mainly a glimpse of life (and hopefully positive transformation) in my little corner of existence.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Sunday, November 14, 2004
re-set
Over the last few days i
have been making a conscious effort to
re-set , re-calibrate, refresh.
i decided that I would prioritize with my health.
The first week of November was emotionally and
physically challenging as my family and I
dealt with my dad's health.
Everything is fine now but for 2 weeks before
election day, my family and i were in the dark
about whether or not dad had to have a major operation.
As luck and blessings would have it, he was able to
avoid major surgery and instead had an angioplasty
done in the 5 blocked arteries on his heart. This is a
2-hour procedure that only required him to stay in
the hospital overnight.
According to his doctor, he was lucky -
lucky because if he went through this last year,
he would have no choice BUT to have bypass surgery.
Apparently, they did not have the technology then to perform
the type of angioplasty that they did this year.
A thousand halleluah's and amens for this blessing.
Now that dad is on his way to recovery, i decided to
immerse myself in physical well-being as my own way of
healing. I started doing cardio exercises again and
finally enrolled myself in our neighborhood yoga studio.
I LOVE it! The instructors are so accommodating and
supportive of our own personal journeys with our
practice. So much so that I was actually able to
lift up my entire body into a hand stand (against a
wall, of course) in my FIRST Ashtanga III Yoga class.
It felt good to be able to keep up with this advanced
class even though i have only been practicing yoga on and
off for the last 3 months or so.
Now, when I stretch or exercise or just
make my way through my day, I have a deeper sense
of my posture, my breathing and my general awareness
of body, mind and spirit. It is a welcomed addition
to the body/mind/spirit awareness I have already gained through
massage. I suppose you could say that my journey
with this is at its half-way mark as i integrate
my different perspectives and understandings.
Needless to say, it is an empowering thing.
When I'm in this yogic state, i always think of my
Tita Alma. As a practitioner of a spiritual tradition,
if you will, called Brahma Kumaris, she practices a
more meditative yoga practice several times during the day.
She introduced me to her meditative practice when she
came to visit us a few years ago.
Aside from that, being in a state of peace and deep
awareness reminds me of Tita Alma because that has been
the focus of her life and life's work.
Everything she does is about developing herself and
empowering people around her to be and live positively.
The best thing about her practice,though, is that she
wasn't at all imposing about her views or beliefs.
in fact, I consider her a revolutionary because she lives
in the Philippines and continues to practice her spiritual
tradition in the midst of the predominant (and imposing) Catholic culture there.
Also, Tita Alma began practicing Brahma Kumaris later in
life (maybe in her late 40's/early 50's). By then, most
people are already tainted and jaded or plain and simply in
a state of complacency with their spiritual selves.
But, Tita Alma pushed past all of that and found a space
that allowed her to express who she truly is.
i know that i have a long way to go before i
get to the right place with my health and well-being.
It's just nice to be back on this road again, and
I am super excited to continue on with a new journey
through yoga.
Over the last few days i
have been making a conscious effort to
re-set , re-calibrate, refresh.
i decided that I would prioritize with my health.
The first week of November was emotionally and
physically challenging as my family and I
dealt with my dad's health.
Everything is fine now but for 2 weeks before
election day, my family and i were in the dark
about whether or not dad had to have a major operation.
As luck and blessings would have it, he was able to
avoid major surgery and instead had an angioplasty
done in the 5 blocked arteries on his heart. This is a
2-hour procedure that only required him to stay in
the hospital overnight.
According to his doctor, he was lucky -
lucky because if he went through this last year,
he would have no choice BUT to have bypass surgery.
Apparently, they did not have the technology then to perform
the type of angioplasty that they did this year.
A thousand halleluah's and amens for this blessing.
Now that dad is on his way to recovery, i decided to
immerse myself in physical well-being as my own way of
healing. I started doing cardio exercises again and
finally enrolled myself in our neighborhood yoga studio.
I LOVE it! The instructors are so accommodating and
supportive of our own personal journeys with our
practice. So much so that I was actually able to
lift up my entire body into a hand stand (against a
wall, of course) in my FIRST Ashtanga III Yoga class.
It felt good to be able to keep up with this advanced
class even though i have only been practicing yoga on and
off for the last 3 months or so.
Now, when I stretch or exercise or just
make my way through my day, I have a deeper sense
of my posture, my breathing and my general awareness
of body, mind and spirit. It is a welcomed addition
to the body/mind/spirit awareness I have already gained through
massage. I suppose you could say that my journey
with this is at its half-way mark as i integrate
my different perspectives and understandings.
Needless to say, it is an empowering thing.
When I'm in this yogic state, i always think of my
Tita Alma. As a practitioner of a spiritual tradition,
if you will, called Brahma Kumaris, she practices a
more meditative yoga practice several times during the day.
She introduced me to her meditative practice when she
came to visit us a few years ago.
Aside from that, being in a state of peace and deep
awareness reminds me of Tita Alma because that has been
the focus of her life and life's work.
Everything she does is about developing herself and
empowering people around her to be and live positively.
The best thing about her practice,though, is that she
wasn't at all imposing about her views or beliefs.
in fact, I consider her a revolutionary because she lives
in the Philippines and continues to practice her spiritual
tradition in the midst of the predominant (and imposing) Catholic culture there.
Also, Tita Alma began practicing Brahma Kumaris later in
life (maybe in her late 40's/early 50's). By then, most
people are already tainted and jaded or plain and simply in
a state of complacency with their spiritual selves.
But, Tita Alma pushed past all of that and found a space
that allowed her to express who she truly is.
i know that i have a long way to go before i
get to the right place with my health and well-being.
It's just nice to be back on this road again, and
I am super excited to continue on with a new journey
through yoga.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
as i sit and wait for the blood to slowly make it's way
down from my head,
i take a huge breath of relief.
for the first time since i read about it on
an on-line yoga page,
i was able to bend at the waist and let my
upper torso just hang there for 5 minutes
during my little yoga routine this evening.
it is a technique which helps alleviate all
of the muscles (particularly, those of the back)
that help us stand erect all day long.
for that brief moment, your back has a chance
to re-group and all of the connective tissue
(fascia) that keeps it together has a moment
to stretch and make more space for your often cramped
up muscles.
in that "moment of brevity", as my ex-co-worker, Drew, would call it,
i amazingly re-discovered focus.
in those five minutes of time, i sent my
good vibes to at least 10 people i love,
remembered a few of the things that i truly value,
and felt a sense of clarity that has evaded me
over the last few months.
it's such a blessing to have that experience
when most of my time is spent pondering the
gazillion lists of obligations and responsibilities
that i have to tackle on the daily...or
the unncertainty of my life's visions, etc. etc.
of course, it's not like my daily life is
filled with doom and gloom.
i suppose i've just been in a better place
than now.
then again, don't we always think that
no matter where we are in life?
as luck would have it,
my blood has finally made its way to the rest of me
and i can feel the weight of my body again,
especially that damn kink in my neck and
tension in my lower back.
nevertheless, it was worth the
5 minutes of stillness,
hanging there like a possum in a tree.
it's one of the few times lately
where the chaos that surrounds me
has no place in my world.
a gazillion amens to that.
til next time.
down from my head,
i take a huge breath of relief.
for the first time since i read about it on
an on-line yoga page,
i was able to bend at the waist and let my
upper torso just hang there for 5 minutes
during my little yoga routine this evening.
it is a technique which helps alleviate all
of the muscles (particularly, those of the back)
that help us stand erect all day long.
for that brief moment, your back has a chance
to re-group and all of the connective tissue
(fascia) that keeps it together has a moment
to stretch and make more space for your often cramped
up muscles.
in that "moment of brevity", as my ex-co-worker, Drew, would call it,
i amazingly re-discovered focus.
in those five minutes of time, i sent my
good vibes to at least 10 people i love,
remembered a few of the things that i truly value,
and felt a sense of clarity that has evaded me
over the last few months.
it's such a blessing to have that experience
when most of my time is spent pondering the
gazillion lists of obligations and responsibilities
that i have to tackle on the daily...or
the unncertainty of my life's visions, etc. etc.
of course, it's not like my daily life is
filled with doom and gloom.
i suppose i've just been in a better place
than now.
then again, don't we always think that
no matter where we are in life?
as luck would have it,
my blood has finally made its way to the rest of me
and i can feel the weight of my body again,
especially that damn kink in my neck and
tension in my lower back.
nevertheless, it was worth the
5 minutes of stillness,
hanging there like a possum in a tree.
it's one of the few times lately
where the chaos that surrounds me
has no place in my world.
a gazillion amens to that.
til next time.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
good morning!
ahhhhh....i feel so much better today.
this past week has been an emotional roller coaster
which reached its high point yesterday with
me completely pissed off and yelling on the phone
in front of the McDonald's where i was about to eat.
i hadn't eaten anything that morning so the
rush of bad adrenalin from my anger
left me exhausted and famished.
everything's ok, though.
i still wonder why my emotions came out like that.
there was no hesitation at all.
my values were plain and simply compromised and
i just wasn't havin' it.
the nice thing, though, was that i hadn't been
so clear about anything like that in a while.
it was nice to not waiver or feel unsure about
what i was saying.
i felt completely justified and the words coming out of
my mouth even made sense, in spite of my emotional state.
hmmm...i think the last time i had a moment like that
was when i reacted to something my mom did/said to me
that was completely off kilter.
its just nice to be at peace right now, and I owe that all to
*the warm hug i got from the bf when i got home
*the nice japanese dinner i had with my brother
*the hour i spent at the gym doing laps in the pool and hanging out in the hot tub
and...
*ending the day with a good laugh by watching "School of Rock" with the bf. That movie is too cute and funny. The kids in it just make your heart melt. And Jack Black...he's probably one of my favorite comedians. 'cracks me up everytime!
anyway, i'm off on a hunt to find a nice breakfast place for me and the bf to eat at this morning.
namaste.
ahhhhh....i feel so much better today.
this past week has been an emotional roller coaster
which reached its high point yesterday with
me completely pissed off and yelling on the phone
in front of the McDonald's where i was about to eat.
i hadn't eaten anything that morning so the
rush of bad adrenalin from my anger
left me exhausted and famished.
everything's ok, though.
i still wonder why my emotions came out like that.
there was no hesitation at all.
my values were plain and simply compromised and
i just wasn't havin' it.
the nice thing, though, was that i hadn't been
so clear about anything like that in a while.
it was nice to not waiver or feel unsure about
what i was saying.
i felt completely justified and the words coming out of
my mouth even made sense, in spite of my emotional state.
hmmm...i think the last time i had a moment like that
was when i reacted to something my mom did/said to me
that was completely off kilter.
its just nice to be at peace right now, and I owe that all to
*the warm hug i got from the bf when i got home
*the nice japanese dinner i had with my brother
*the hour i spent at the gym doing laps in the pool and hanging out in the hot tub
and...
*ending the day with a good laugh by watching "School of Rock" with the bf. That movie is too cute and funny. The kids in it just make your heart melt. And Jack Black...he's probably one of my favorite comedians. 'cracks me up everytime!
anyway, i'm off on a hunt to find a nice breakfast place for me and the bf to eat at this morning.
namaste.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
so i did it.
i finally sent in my cover letter and resume
to a job opening.
it's taken me a while...try 1 year...
but i suppose it is better late than never.
it feels good to finally have taken that step.
it's like that first hurdle before the flood
gates open.
I applied for a Program Assistant position
with this organization that provides
workshops, seminars and classes to further
the professional development of people working
in the non-profits.
i've been r eading this book that my friend told me
about: "how to find the work you love".
i did it to find some direction, some inspiration.
while reading it i began to realize that i pretty much
already knew what i wanted in my career.
for example, i think i've always known
that i really need to be in a place
that i believe in in order to wholeheartedly
invest myself.
my job right now could have been that way, but
there just is no inspiration for me to do better.
and it's more clear to me now that it is because
it is somebody else's show. somebody else must
always have control of the situation. someone
else's style is what matters most. there really
is no value in my ideas.
i just can't be in a place like this.
however, i suppose the reason why i have lasted
so long there is because it is cush - cush in the
sense that i don't really have to be creative,
i just have to DO the job.
i'm just happy that i finally took the second step
(i suppose the first one is wanting to get out of my situation).
For today i won't worry.
I'll be spending the day at Great America!
til next time.
i finally sent in my cover letter and resume
to a job opening.
it's taken me a while...try 1 year...
but i suppose it is better late than never.
it feels good to finally have taken that step.
it's like that first hurdle before the flood
gates open.
I applied for a Program Assistant position
with this organization that provides
workshops, seminars and classes to further
the professional development of people working
in the non-profits.
i've been r eading this book that my friend told me
about: "how to find the work you love".
i did it to find some direction, some inspiration.
while reading it i began to realize that i pretty much
already knew what i wanted in my career.
for example, i think i've always known
that i really need to be in a place
that i believe in in order to wholeheartedly
invest myself.
my job right now could have been that way, but
there just is no inspiration for me to do better.
and it's more clear to me now that it is because
it is somebody else's show. somebody else must
always have control of the situation. someone
else's style is what matters most. there really
is no value in my ideas.
i just can't be in a place like this.
however, i suppose the reason why i have lasted
so long there is because it is cush - cush in the
sense that i don't really have to be creative,
i just have to DO the job.
i'm just happy that i finally took the second step
(i suppose the first one is wanting to get out of my situation).
For today i won't worry.
I'll be spending the day at Great America!
til next time.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
12:31am
i'm about ready to go to bed, but i wanted to write
since i've been neglecting my blog.
'just finished winding down my day with a nice shower.
thank goodness today ended nicely as it began
in quite the icky state. 2 words: WORK SUCKS!
I want out!
i decided to make myself feel better and have
some filipino food for lunch: fried bangus and pinakbet.
even though i only had a 30 min lunch today (since i wanted
to leave my hell hole of a job by 5p), it was a nice treat.
i even bumped into a college friend who i haven't seen in
a long time.
then, for my 10 min break in the afternoon,
i decided to treat myself again. this time,
i treated myself to a yummy oatmeal & raisin
cookie from Specialty's. i sat on some steps
and people-watched while i enjoyed my afternoon
treat.
it's nice to indulge in simple pleasures such as that.
a little quiet time is so therapeautic...especially
when you're munching on a cookie ;).
i was actually thinking the same thing while doing yoga tonight.
i realized that my 1 hour in that class
is such a get-away from the hustle and bustle of everything.
i made it a point to make today's yoga session a good one.
for now, mr. sandman is ready to whisk me off to sleepy land.
i can barely keep my eyes open.
til next time...
i'm about ready to go to bed, but i wanted to write
since i've been neglecting my blog.
'just finished winding down my day with a nice shower.
thank goodness today ended nicely as it began
in quite the icky state. 2 words: WORK SUCKS!
I want out!
i decided to make myself feel better and have
some filipino food for lunch: fried bangus and pinakbet.
even though i only had a 30 min lunch today (since i wanted
to leave my hell hole of a job by 5p), it was a nice treat.
i even bumped into a college friend who i haven't seen in
a long time.
then, for my 10 min break in the afternoon,
i decided to treat myself again. this time,
i treated myself to a yummy oatmeal & raisin
cookie from Specialty's. i sat on some steps
and people-watched while i enjoyed my afternoon
treat.
it's nice to indulge in simple pleasures such as that.
a little quiet time is so therapeautic...especially
when you're munching on a cookie ;).
i was actually thinking the same thing while doing yoga tonight.
i realized that my 1 hour in that class
is such a get-away from the hustle and bustle of everything.
i made it a point to make today's yoga session a good one.
for now, mr. sandman is ready to whisk me off to sleepy land.
i can barely keep my eyes open.
til next time...
Thursday, September 16, 2004
10:58p
belated anniversary dinner
'just came home about an hour and a half ago from the city.
my uncle and i treated my parents to a belated
wedding anniversary celebration. my 7-month pregnant cousin and brother were also there to help my parents celebrate.
we decided on eating at E & O Trading Company.
everying was delicious!! we made do with a "tapas" style meal and it worked really well, especially with me and my low carb diet. by the way, the chicken and asian pear salad was really yummy. then again, i guess you really can't go wrong with anything on the menu. it's a place much like my favorite restaurant, Venezia Cafe, where there is quality food all around.
my brother pretty much took care of finishing up all the plates. it was nice to see him enjoy his meal, since he can be a picky eater. he doesn't always like what mom and dad make at home, so he's always settling for whatever he can get his hands on.
it was a nice time...just like usual with our two families.
new steps
so saturday will be the first class i will take for my event & meeting planning certificate. i'm pretty excited about it since i've always wanted to take this series of classes at San Francisco State. thank goodness i still can use my americorps education award, cause there's no way i could afford a thousand dollars in tuition.
i'm not quite sure where i want to go with my learning, but I've always enjoyed
event planning. i just hope it can spark a little more light into my
current un-inspired state.
belated anniversary dinner
'just came home about an hour and a half ago from the city.
my uncle and i treated my parents to a belated
wedding anniversary celebration. my 7-month pregnant cousin and brother were also there to help my parents celebrate.
we decided on eating at E & O Trading Company.
everying was delicious!! we made do with a "tapas" style meal and it worked really well, especially with me and my low carb diet. by the way, the chicken and asian pear salad was really yummy. then again, i guess you really can't go wrong with anything on the menu. it's a place much like my favorite restaurant, Venezia Cafe, where there is quality food all around.
my brother pretty much took care of finishing up all the plates. it was nice to see him enjoy his meal, since he can be a picky eater. he doesn't always like what mom and dad make at home, so he's always settling for whatever he can get his hands on.
it was a nice time...just like usual with our two families.
new steps
so saturday will be the first class i will take for my event & meeting planning certificate. i'm pretty excited about it since i've always wanted to take this series of classes at San Francisco State. thank goodness i still can use my americorps education award, cause there's no way i could afford a thousand dollars in tuition.
i'm not quite sure where i want to go with my learning, but I've always enjoyed
event planning. i just hope it can spark a little more light into my
current un-inspired state.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
11:20am
I am on my 10-minute break trying to activate my new cell phone.
i figured I might as well blog while i wait.
Work has taken a different turn yet again.
This time, we were handed timesheets to record our
comings and goings.
After over a year of working here without
having to fill one out,
for me,
this is plain and simply a message that
I am not trusted.
I'm not kicking and screaming about it, though.
It's just yet another confirmation for me
that my ass better get crackin' on movin' on from
this place.
Unfortunately, my poor co-worker had to get
caught up in this mix, too.
I feel bad cause up to now she was feeling ok
working here.
Oh well, that's just what happens in these
kinds of office culture.
the prince reigns
last friday, I WENT TO THE PRINCE CONCERT!!!!
WOO HOOO!!!!
Really. I think life is pretty much complete.
I still can't believe that I actually saw him
in person...just 12 rows away, on stage.
He's a handsome little thing.
But seriously...the man is perhaps one of THEE
BEST performers I've ever seen.
Unfortunately, my BF couldn't join me.
I am on my 10-minute break trying to activate my new cell phone.
i figured I might as well blog while i wait.
Work has taken a different turn yet again.
This time, we were handed timesheets to record our
comings and goings.
After over a year of working here without
having to fill one out,
for me,
this is plain and simply a message that
I am not trusted.
I'm not kicking and screaming about it, though.
It's just yet another confirmation for me
that my ass better get crackin' on movin' on from
this place.
Unfortunately, my poor co-worker had to get
caught up in this mix, too.
I feel bad cause up to now she was feeling ok
working here.
Oh well, that's just what happens in these
kinds of office culture.
the prince reigns
last friday, I WENT TO THE PRINCE CONCERT!!!!
WOO HOOO!!!!
Really. I think life is pretty much complete.
I still can't believe that I actually saw him
in person...just 12 rows away, on stage.
He's a handsome little thing.
But seriously...the man is perhaps one of THEE
BEST performers I've ever seen.
Unfortunately, my BF couldn't join me.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
icky sicky
been feeling icky since this afternoon.
i think i caught some kind of head cold
that is working its way through my sinuses.
after typing this blog entry, i think i will
curl up in bed and read until i fall asleep.
"monthly" get together
finally, after about 3-4 months of planning,
my ex-co-workers and i had our "monthly" dinner this evening.
it was a short but definitey sweet time catching up
over my favorite Zachary's stuffed (Chicago style) pizza.
I haven't been there in almost a year, so it was most definitely
a nice treat.
Besides, i love being in Oakland/Berkeley area.
it is probably my favorite place to be
in the bay area. I guess you could say it is
my second home since it was my old stomping grounds
back in my college days.
as usual, all of us did our updates.
N and D now work in the east bay - D got a job at Cal.
And J is a grad student at Cal.
Go Bears!
It's great to see that they all are in different chapters
in their lives.
I cannot wait to have the same feeling of moving on.
I am counting the days!
I'll tell ya, though, just being in that area
gets me all energized.
there is a certain vibe that this area has
which I have yet to find in any other place in the bay area.
Aside from the lack of parking and congested city streets,
it's probably one of the most ideal places to live.
It's kinda like New York in that people
are more liberated to do/be who they want to be.
there's also a greater sense of community and ownership
of community.
I just wish we had more time to spend there tonight.
trying to find the work i love
so, for almost 10 years now i've been looking high and low
for that space, that niche, in this life
where my passions and talents intersect with a need in the community.
so far, i have followed my heart and my passions
to help me choose my next path/job/career
and except for my latest choice in jobs,
I have been satisfied.
I started off back in college by taking a semester off
to explore the world of community work.
Since there weren't any formal internship
programs in my area of interest (unlike with the engineering dept. and
other technical or mainstream majors)
I made up my own.
I got a part-time gig assisting with the Early Academic Outreach Program
on campus and
another part-time gig doing direct service as an after-school care assistant
at a local elementary school.
I enjoyed my time off from school
observing and being a part of the community/youth/education arena.
through my involvment with PASS (a Pilipino recruitment and retention center) on campus
and my classes in education and social justice,
I had a vision of what I wanted to dedicate my life's work to.
Of course, at that time I was not yet able to articulate it quite as clearly.
It feels good to re-trace my steps here because, quite frankly,
i think i have forgotten the inspirations and passions that led me onto
this path in the first place.
Ahhh...to be younger and less jaded.
I remember the excitement of taking those education classes,
especially the one on race, class and gender in education.
That was probably one of my favorite classes, and I'm not just
saying that because my professor was hot. Seriously.
Then, there was my 4.5 years working in an AmeriCorps program -
first as a corps member and then as a staff member.
I guess you could say that was my first hands-on experience
learning about the non-profit structure/organization.
I thoroughly enjoyed the whole community-based, grassroots
thing.
It definitely felt more liberating because there was so much space to
create, re-create, build, etc. All of us in that organization
had the power to define what we were about - and we did.
We had values and visions of what our community should be
and we did what we could to honor and bring to reality those values and visions.
my experience there was, by far, the most empowering.
i was challenged, supported, loved, encouraged and inspired by everyone.
there is more to this thought process but I will have to continue later. I'm feeling icky again.
been feeling icky since this afternoon.
i think i caught some kind of head cold
that is working its way through my sinuses.
after typing this blog entry, i think i will
curl up in bed and read until i fall asleep.
"monthly" get together
finally, after about 3-4 months of planning,
my ex-co-workers and i had our "monthly" dinner this evening.
it was a short but definitey sweet time catching up
over my favorite Zachary's stuffed (Chicago style) pizza.
I haven't been there in almost a year, so it was most definitely
a nice treat.
Besides, i love being in Oakland/Berkeley area.
it is probably my favorite place to be
in the bay area. I guess you could say it is
my second home since it was my old stomping grounds
back in my college days.
as usual, all of us did our updates.
N and D now work in the east bay - D got a job at Cal.
And J is a grad student at Cal.
Go Bears!
It's great to see that they all are in different chapters
in their lives.
I cannot wait to have the same feeling of moving on.
I am counting the days!
I'll tell ya, though, just being in that area
gets me all energized.
there is a certain vibe that this area has
which I have yet to find in any other place in the bay area.
Aside from the lack of parking and congested city streets,
it's probably one of the most ideal places to live.
It's kinda like New York in that people
are more liberated to do/be who they want to be.
there's also a greater sense of community and ownership
of community.
I just wish we had more time to spend there tonight.
trying to find the work i love
so, for almost 10 years now i've been looking high and low
for that space, that niche, in this life
where my passions and talents intersect with a need in the community.
so far, i have followed my heart and my passions
to help me choose my next path/job/career
and except for my latest choice in jobs,
I have been satisfied.
I started off back in college by taking a semester off
to explore the world of community work.
Since there weren't any formal internship
programs in my area of interest (unlike with the engineering dept. and
other technical or mainstream majors)
I made up my own.
I got a part-time gig assisting with the Early Academic Outreach Program
on campus and
another part-time gig doing direct service as an after-school care assistant
at a local elementary school.
I enjoyed my time off from school
observing and being a part of the community/youth/education arena.
through my involvment with PASS (a Pilipino recruitment and retention center) on campus
and my classes in education and social justice,
I had a vision of what I wanted to dedicate my life's work to.
Of course, at that time I was not yet able to articulate it quite as clearly.
It feels good to re-trace my steps here because, quite frankly,
i think i have forgotten the inspirations and passions that led me onto
this path in the first place.
Ahhh...to be younger and less jaded.
I remember the excitement of taking those education classes,
especially the one on race, class and gender in education.
That was probably one of my favorite classes, and I'm not just
saying that because my professor was hot. Seriously.
Then, there was my 4.5 years working in an AmeriCorps program -
first as a corps member and then as a staff member.
I guess you could say that was my first hands-on experience
learning about the non-profit structure/organization.
I thoroughly enjoyed the whole community-based, grassroots
thing.
It definitely felt more liberating because there was so much space to
create, re-create, build, etc. All of us in that organization
had the power to define what we were about - and we did.
We had values and visions of what our community should be
and we did what we could to honor and bring to reality those values and visions.
my experience there was, by far, the most empowering.
i was challenged, supported, loved, encouraged and inspired by everyone.
there is more to this thought process but I will have to continue later. I'm feeling icky again.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
aunt flow's worst visit
yesterday's visit had me completely incapacitated,
to say the least.
the combination of my aching back from our terrible
mattress plus the icky crampiness of aunt flow's visit
PLUS the excruciating heat wave literally
knocked me out for the entire day.
seriously, I wish this 90-degree heat wave would end soon.
I've never really been a fan of extremely hot weather.
i called in sick today to recover some more, but
it w as so hot in the house that I just had to
be where there is air conditioning.
so, i drove myself to the local library.
i had to borrow a book anyway.
for some reason this weekend i was all about
acquiring books.
I bought the Harry Potter book 5 and
Dude Where's My Country from Target.
They were on sale, so I thought, "why not?"
I almost bought Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and
this Atkin's recipe book but I had to stop myself.
Today, I checked out a book that my friend, Sil,
recommended: How to Find the Work You Love.
I swear, the title is like the theme of my life
ever since I graduated college!
I'm kinda antsy to get something out of this book.
I suppose that is why i was a little fidgety
when i was trying to read it in the library.
I guess I'm just being impatient because
I want to get out of my current work situation already.
ops...gotta go. dad's calling....
yesterday's visit had me completely incapacitated,
to say the least.
the combination of my aching back from our terrible
mattress plus the icky crampiness of aunt flow's visit
PLUS the excruciating heat wave literally
knocked me out for the entire day.
seriously, I wish this 90-degree heat wave would end soon.
I've never really been a fan of extremely hot weather.
i called in sick today to recover some more, but
it w as so hot in the house that I just had to
be where there is air conditioning.
so, i drove myself to the local library.
i had to borrow a book anyway.
for some reason this weekend i was all about
acquiring books.
I bought the Harry Potter book 5 and
Dude Where's My Country from Target.
They were on sale, so I thought, "why not?"
I almost bought Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and
this Atkin's recipe book but I had to stop myself.
Today, I checked out a book that my friend, Sil,
recommended: How to Find the Work You Love.
I swear, the title is like the theme of my life
ever since I graduated college!
I'm kinda antsy to get something out of this book.
I suppose that is why i was a little fidgety
when i was trying to read it in the library.
I guess I'm just being impatient because
I want to get out of my current work situation already.
ops...gotta go. dad's calling....
New Blogger
Welcome to new blogger, Doug! Can't wait to continue being inspired by his journey as a Peace Corps volunteer.
Welcome to new blogger, Doug! Can't wait to continue being inspired by his journey as a Peace Corps volunteer.
Saturday, September 04, 2004
black snake
last night i had the strangest dream
that me and 3 friends were at a party
where everyone freaked out cause there
was a black snake loose in the house.
everyone ran in different directions to
get away from the scary little thing.
unfortunately, it had caught up with one of my
friends in the dream.
It slid up the back of her shirt.
And surprisingly, I yanked it out.
It then planted its nasty fangs in my fingers
whereby I had to rip it out (along with the
skin on my fingers). It was so odd!!
afterwards, I woke up. It was 5am.
I NEVER get up at that hour - not even when I want to.
In any case, I couldn't sleep so i stayed up reading
the Oprah Magazine on my nightstand.
Damn, I must be under some serious stress
cause I remembered dreaming about some other
super random stuff. I suppose my mind
was just unloading, releasing all that stress
from the week. Thank goodness for that cause
I plan on enjoying this lovely 3-day weekend. :)
me and shar's aa meeting - or something like that
perhaps my long chat session with Shar prompted my crazy dream.
she and i talked for 3 hours about one of
the things we have in common.
Poor woman, since she's all the way in the east coast, that meant
that she didn't get off the phone until midnight!
our conversation was like a nice big therapy session -
something I've been needing for a while now.
I suppose that is why i have been feeling like there's
been this funky cloud hanging over my head - I just
haven't been able to process this crazy thing that
I've been going through.
unfortunately, shar has been experiencing the same madness.
but fortunately for me, she can understand.
thanks to her, I was able to get that "stuff" out of my head
and hand it over to the universe.
I hope she felt a little of the same.
As much as I try to not let it affect me, it does.
It has been affecting me for years.
It's just good to be able to let it go completely -
even for just a moment - to someone else who can understand.
Thanks, girlfriend!!!
last night i had the strangest dream
that me and 3 friends were at a party
where everyone freaked out cause there
was a black snake loose in the house.
everyone ran in different directions to
get away from the scary little thing.
unfortunately, it had caught up with one of my
friends in the dream.
It slid up the back of her shirt.
And surprisingly, I yanked it out.
It then planted its nasty fangs in my fingers
whereby I had to rip it out (along with the
skin on my fingers). It was so odd!!
afterwards, I woke up. It was 5am.
I NEVER get up at that hour - not even when I want to.
In any case, I couldn't sleep so i stayed up reading
the Oprah Magazine on my nightstand.
Damn, I must be under some serious stress
cause I remembered dreaming about some other
super random stuff. I suppose my mind
was just unloading, releasing all that stress
from the week. Thank goodness for that cause
I plan on enjoying this lovely 3-day weekend. :)
me and shar's aa meeting - or something like that
perhaps my long chat session with Shar prompted my crazy dream.
she and i talked for 3 hours about one of
the things we have in common.
Poor woman, since she's all the way in the east coast, that meant
that she didn't get off the phone until midnight!
our conversation was like a nice big therapy session -
something I've been needing for a while now.
I suppose that is why i have been feeling like there's
been this funky cloud hanging over my head - I just
haven't been able to process this crazy thing that
I've been going through.
unfortunately, shar has been experiencing the same madness.
but fortunately for me, she can understand.
thanks to her, I was able to get that "stuff" out of my head
and hand it over to the universe.
I hope she felt a little of the same.
As much as I try to not let it affect me, it does.
It has been affecting me for years.
It's just good to be able to let it go completely -
even for just a moment - to someone else who can understand.
Thanks, girlfriend!!!
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
"the state of my world today"
'couldn't think of a better title, so I just
used a line from the janet jackson that's playing in my head.
it works well, me thinks.
the low-carb diet that I've been following
has been groovy, except for last week through today.
'went to L.A. for our friends' wedding and i think
i may have fallen off the wagon a little.
nothing crazy except I am fast-developing
these cravings for fried chicken with the breading.
needless to say it goes against my low-carb diet
with all the flour and stuff on it.
It's also, OF COURSE, super bad for my heart since it is fried.
'been kinda feeling on the low-low lately, too
and it's been making those cravings for fried chicken worse.
Just yesterday, I wolfed down a 6-piece chicken McNugget with
diet coke and a side salad.
yikes...'gotta get that under control.
I'm always feeling' bloated now and
my stomach feels like a huge seedless watermelon...
like the kind we buy at the farmer's market.
I suppose that I am just stuck in the same old rut again,
but I'd rather not get into it here.
Besides, it doesn't much help me keep moving forward.
Currently, I am typing this blog at my desk at work.
I didn't eat breakfast at 9am (when I get into work)
so i started feasting around 11am when I should have
left for the gym for an hour. I can tell my blood
sugar is not as steady as last week since I'm always
freakin' hungry for stuff.
Ugh...it sucks to be walking around like a zombie!
I am praying for the light to shine on me sooner
than later.
I suppose it's really all up to me, though.
In any case, 'been enjoying reading another book
that my co-worker let me borrow.
Perhaps I should go outside today and read it for my
lunch hour.
I feel like i am just rambling on now, so i best
be gettin' on with the rest of the day.
Til next time
'couldn't think of a better title, so I just
used a line from the janet jackson that's playing in my head.
it works well, me thinks.
the low-carb diet that I've been following
has been groovy, except for last week through today.
'went to L.A. for our friends' wedding and i think
i may have fallen off the wagon a little.
nothing crazy except I am fast-developing
these cravings for fried chicken with the breading.
needless to say it goes against my low-carb diet
with all the flour and stuff on it.
It's also, OF COURSE, super bad for my heart since it is fried.
'been kinda feeling on the low-low lately, too
and it's been making those cravings for fried chicken worse.
Just yesterday, I wolfed down a 6-piece chicken McNugget with
diet coke and a side salad.
yikes...'gotta get that under control.
I'm always feeling' bloated now and
my stomach feels like a huge seedless watermelon...
like the kind we buy at the farmer's market.
I suppose that I am just stuck in the same old rut again,
but I'd rather not get into it here.
Besides, it doesn't much help me keep moving forward.
Currently, I am typing this blog at my desk at work.
I didn't eat breakfast at 9am (when I get into work)
so i started feasting around 11am when I should have
left for the gym for an hour. I can tell my blood
sugar is not as steady as last week since I'm always
freakin' hungry for stuff.
Ugh...it sucks to be walking around like a zombie!
I am praying for the light to shine on me sooner
than later.
I suppose it's really all up to me, though.
In any case, 'been enjoying reading another book
that my co-worker let me borrow.
Perhaps I should go outside today and read it for my
lunch hour.
I feel like i am just rambling on now, so i best
be gettin' on with the rest of the day.
Til next time
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
namaste
..to you and to you.
'just got back from yoga class and
the stress from the day is nearly gone.
i just can't wait til we get this one
client out of our hands for good.
i spent all day today working on
their case...ALL.FREAKING.DAY...
which of course means even MORE
case files for me to worry about tomorrow.
yay for me. :(
but thanks to yoga and all the crazy
one-legged poses I had to do tonight
(or at least attempted) I have been able to
quell that nasty feeling in my tummy
that stress always brings about.
the chaotic images of my day are
slowly fading from my mind
along with the icky feeling that comes with it.
me and the bf have been doing yoga once a week for 3 weeks now.
It's been great...I definitely feel like my body
is changing for the better from it.
I actually breath deeper, am more flexible
- particularly in my lower back, and
I'm actually enjoying exercising again.
almost atkins
did i tell you that as of last week
i've also been staving off of carbs?
I didn't go crazy and stop eating fruits or anything,
but I've definitely cut out all the simple carbs
from my diet, i.e. breads, rice, pasta.
my energy level is actually more...level
and i'm finally eating more veggies
and getting more creative with meals.
honestly, it is quite liberating to not
feel like i HAVE to have rice or bread
to make me full. Me and the BF have
been cooking a lot more, too.
in fact, I've been re-discovering old recipes
that I have forgotten about since
it's so much faster and more convenient
to just have eggs and rice for dinner.
tonight, we're actually gonna make some
fish with a tomato/onion/garlic/olive oil sauce
and eat it with sitaw (chinese long beans) sauteed
with onions and bagoong.
yum!
I should probably start now
but the warmth of the laptop on
my legs is making it wayyyy too comfy
for me to get up and cook.
ode to the mail lady
before i go, i just had to write about
my encounter with the beautiful woman in
our office building who makes sure
we get our mail everyday.
it's always a pleasure to see her
on the days when i have to pick up
the mail for our office suite.
as soon as I step into the doorway of her
mail room, she always greets me with the
funny name she made up for me and
my other co-worker who also picks up the mail.
the name is a combination of my and my co-worker's names.
in any case, she towers over me...a black woman almost 6 feet tall.
but as outspoken and sassy as she is, she always
sends me good vibes for the day.
of course, she'll always crack a joke or
two and subtly suggest that next time
we come for the mail, we bring a nice cup of
coffee for her or whatever other food we've got.
there are other times when she'll be
complaining about how overworked she is
in that mailroom. it's those days
when you have no choice really but to listen
to her vent and bitch about
her crummy boss who thinks that
hiring only one person to sort 2,000 pieces of mail
per day is enough. I'm ok with listening to
her, though, cause I've been there myself.
At college i used to work in the mail room on
campus and did the exact same thing in a
lonely "dungeon" just like her.
then there was today.
she asked me how i was doing and of course
i told her about the chaos and craziness
of today.
in fact, just a few minutes before i made my
way to her mailroom, i was hot and bothered
about other stuff...the usual work issues i've
been dealing with all year. somehow, it managed to
creep up on me again.
then for some reason,
our lovely mail lady understood.
somehow, she saw past the facade, the
joking way i expressed my troubles.
somehow she knew that my pain was real
and she let me know it.
the first thing she told me to do was
breath.
then, she gave me a quick shiatsu massage on
my neck and shoulders and just told me
to let go of the crap i was dealing with.
i almost felt like crying.
how did she know that there was more to my usual
"it's just one of those days"
complaints?
After our brief relaxation session, she handed me my
mail. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her
thank you...Thank you for being human.
Thank you for not letting this crazy,
corporate hell eat up your heart.
Thank you for showing me the kind of compassion
and down-to-earthness
that I miss in my work environment.
Instead, I told her, "God bless you".
Tomorrow I think I'll follow it up with that nice cup of
coffee she keeps hinting about and some pastries.
..to you and to you.
'just got back from yoga class and
the stress from the day is nearly gone.
i just can't wait til we get this one
client out of our hands for good.
i spent all day today working on
their case...ALL.FREAKING.DAY...
which of course means even MORE
case files for me to worry about tomorrow.
yay for me. :(
but thanks to yoga and all the crazy
one-legged poses I had to do tonight
(or at least attempted) I have been able to
quell that nasty feeling in my tummy
that stress always brings about.
the chaotic images of my day are
slowly fading from my mind
along with the icky feeling that comes with it.
me and the bf have been doing yoga once a week for 3 weeks now.
It's been great...I definitely feel like my body
is changing for the better from it.
I actually breath deeper, am more flexible
- particularly in my lower back, and
I'm actually enjoying exercising again.
almost atkins
did i tell you that as of last week
i've also been staving off of carbs?
I didn't go crazy and stop eating fruits or anything,
but I've definitely cut out all the simple carbs
from my diet, i.e. breads, rice, pasta.
my energy level is actually more...level
and i'm finally eating more veggies
and getting more creative with meals.
honestly, it is quite liberating to not
feel like i HAVE to have rice or bread
to make me full. Me and the BF have
been cooking a lot more, too.
in fact, I've been re-discovering old recipes
that I have forgotten about since
it's so much faster and more convenient
to just have eggs and rice for dinner.
tonight, we're actually gonna make some
fish with a tomato/onion/garlic/olive oil sauce
and eat it with sitaw (chinese long beans) sauteed
with onions and bagoong.
yum!
I should probably start now
but the warmth of the laptop on
my legs is making it wayyyy too comfy
for me to get up and cook.
ode to the mail lady
before i go, i just had to write about
my encounter with the beautiful woman in
our office building who makes sure
we get our mail everyday.
it's always a pleasure to see her
on the days when i have to pick up
the mail for our office suite.
as soon as I step into the doorway of her
mail room, she always greets me with the
funny name she made up for me and
my other co-worker who also picks up the mail.
the name is a combination of my and my co-worker's names.
in any case, she towers over me...a black woman almost 6 feet tall.
but as outspoken and sassy as she is, she always
sends me good vibes for the day.
of course, she'll always crack a joke or
two and subtly suggest that next time
we come for the mail, we bring a nice cup of
coffee for her or whatever other food we've got.
there are other times when she'll be
complaining about how overworked she is
in that mailroom. it's those days
when you have no choice really but to listen
to her vent and bitch about
her crummy boss who thinks that
hiring only one person to sort 2,000 pieces of mail
per day is enough. I'm ok with listening to
her, though, cause I've been there myself.
At college i used to work in the mail room on
campus and did the exact same thing in a
lonely "dungeon" just like her.
then there was today.
she asked me how i was doing and of course
i told her about the chaos and craziness
of today.
in fact, just a few minutes before i made my
way to her mailroom, i was hot and bothered
about other stuff...the usual work issues i've
been dealing with all year. somehow, it managed to
creep up on me again.
then for some reason,
our lovely mail lady understood.
somehow, she saw past the facade, the
joking way i expressed my troubles.
somehow she knew that my pain was real
and she let me know it.
the first thing she told me to do was
breath.
then, she gave me a quick shiatsu massage on
my neck and shoulders and just told me
to let go of the crap i was dealing with.
i almost felt like crying.
how did she know that there was more to my usual
"it's just one of those days"
complaints?
After our brief relaxation session, she handed me my
mail. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her
thank you...Thank you for being human.
Thank you for not letting this crazy,
corporate hell eat up your heart.
Thank you for showing me the kind of compassion
and down-to-earthness
that I miss in my work environment.
Instead, I told her, "God bless you".
Tomorrow I think I'll follow it up with that nice cup of
coffee she keeps hinting about and some pastries.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
in the bubble
why does it always feel like
getting to what I really want in life
is like walking a bridge
that is 1,000 miles long?
i wonder if I will ever get there.
I wonder if i will ever figure out
which way to get there
and,more importantly, how.
my friend Shar - another one of my inspirations -
just sent me an e-mail of an article
that was written about her 1st & 2nd grade students
and the project they did. it was featured in
the New York Daily News.
Just the fact that this girl
followed her heart and headed east
to pursue life in a different world
is already inspiring.
To know that she is continuing to do
her life's work
in one of the most underresourced communities
in the country - Harlem - just
makes me so incredibly hopeful,
hopeful that there are still people
out there who have been a part of "the movement"
who continue on.
Cause I know
so many of us get jaded,
so disconcerted by the many factors we cannot
control
which cocntinuously work against
everything we are fighting for.
I think that's where i am.
'kinda stuck in the muddle,
not knowing how to even
re-educate my own friends
about certain issues
that are perpetuated
by even the smallest things they say.
don't wanna be the "Debbie Downer" of the group, ya know.
Thank goodness I have people like Shar who
help keep me looking forward.
why does it always feel like
getting to what I really want in life
is like walking a bridge
that is 1,000 miles long?
i wonder if I will ever get there.
I wonder if i will ever figure out
which way to get there
and,more importantly, how.
my friend Shar - another one of my inspirations -
just sent me an e-mail of an article
that was written about her 1st & 2nd grade students
and the project they did. it was featured in
the New York Daily News.
Just the fact that this girl
followed her heart and headed east
to pursue life in a different world
is already inspiring.
To know that she is continuing to do
her life's work
in one of the most underresourced communities
in the country - Harlem - just
makes me so incredibly hopeful,
hopeful that there are still people
out there who have been a part of "the movement"
who continue on.
Cause I know
so many of us get jaded,
so disconcerted by the many factors we cannot
control
which cocntinuously work against
everything we are fighting for.
I think that's where i am.
'kinda stuck in the muddle,
not knowing how to even
re-educate my own friends
about certain issues
that are perpetuated
by even the smallest things they say.
don't wanna be the "Debbie Downer" of the group, ya know.
Thank goodness I have people like Shar who
help keep me looking forward.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
bad-for-you bacon memories
it's strangely outcast today.
it's been this way all week.
oh, spoke too soon...the suns's peeking out a bit.
just finished a delicious breakfast of
bacon, scrambled eggs and rice with my
lovely bf.
I decided to go to the nearby store
and purchase some of the fatty, bad-for-you,
bacon. YUM!
We usually have the turkey bacon stuff, but this
time around, i decided to go for the good stuff.
dunno why, but all this talk about summertime
with friends reminds me of going camping as a kid.
one distinct memory I have of it is waking up
to one of my uncles or aunties frying up a
huge batch of scrambled eggs and bad-for-you bacon
in a pan on the Coleman burner/stove thingy.
And of course, there would be rice ready to eat,
which one of my other uncles or aunties
prepared in their usual rice cooker, which
they plugged in in the bathroom.
I remember always having to take a bath before
going to bed
because wearing tsinelas all day kicked up
all the lovely dirt and/or sand all over my feet,
in between my toes and in my toe nails.
I also remember going swimming in this nasty river,
which at the time i didn't think was so nasty,
whereby my feet literally sank into the muddy
bottom.
bad-for-you bacon also reminds me of my brother
and all those summer mornings we spent
eating it with eggs and rice
while watching
Green Acres,
Pettycoat Junction
and whatever else was on T.V. from 8-10 in the morning.
by the time I was in 4th or 5th grade,
my parents let me stay home and take care of my
brother instead of
taking him to the babysitters.
it was fun. unfortunately, however, we pigged out
on some of the worst foods AND
we were total couch potatoes because
my parents were afraid to let us play outside
while they were at work.
'didn't want us to get acosted by strangers or anything.
still, everytime i eat bacon,
I remember.
I remember the summertime.
strange association,but true.
it's strangely outcast today.
it's been this way all week.
oh, spoke too soon...the suns's peeking out a bit.
just finished a delicious breakfast of
bacon, scrambled eggs and rice with my
lovely bf.
I decided to go to the nearby store
and purchase some of the fatty, bad-for-you,
bacon. YUM!
We usually have the turkey bacon stuff, but this
time around, i decided to go for the good stuff.
dunno why, but all this talk about summertime
with friends reminds me of going camping as a kid.
one distinct memory I have of it is waking up
to one of my uncles or aunties frying up a
huge batch of scrambled eggs and bad-for-you bacon
in a pan on the Coleman burner/stove thingy.
And of course, there would be rice ready to eat,
which one of my other uncles or aunties
prepared in their usual rice cooker, which
they plugged in in the bathroom.
I remember always having to take a bath before
going to bed
because wearing tsinelas all day kicked up
all the lovely dirt and/or sand all over my feet,
in between my toes and in my toe nails.
I also remember going swimming in this nasty river,
which at the time i didn't think was so nasty,
whereby my feet literally sank into the muddy
bottom.
bad-for-you bacon also reminds me of my brother
and all those summer mornings we spent
eating it with eggs and rice
while watching
Green Acres,
Pettycoat Junction
and whatever else was on T.V. from 8-10 in the morning.
by the time I was in 4th or 5th grade,
my parents let me stay home and take care of my
brother instead of
taking him to the babysitters.
it was fun. unfortunately, however, we pigged out
on some of the worst foods AND
we were total couch potatoes because
my parents were afraid to let us play outside
while they were at work.
'didn't want us to get acosted by strangers or anything.
still, everytime i eat bacon,
I remember.
I remember the summertime.
strange association,but true.
Friday, July 30, 2004
4 minutes til the weekend!
what could I possibly blog about for the next 3 minutes
until I have to run down to the BART station and catch my train?
let's see...
I'm halfway through Harry Potter book 4.
I decided not to apply for this position in Oakland.
I'm currently in a state of complacency/anxiety
with my career.
I'm totally looking forward to this weekend,
cause me and the bf are gonna retreat
from the rest of the world and spend some
quality time.
Oh, btw, the bf posted a slide show of
our New York vacation on his site.
Check it out!
wow...one more minute to go.
well, I'd better just shut down this computer
before i miss my train.
more later....
what could I possibly blog about for the next 3 minutes
until I have to run down to the BART station and catch my train?
let's see...
I'm halfway through Harry Potter book 4.
I decided not to apply for this position in Oakland.
I'm currently in a state of complacency/anxiety
with my career.
I'm totally looking forward to this weekend,
cause me and the bf are gonna retreat
from the rest of the world and spend some
quality time.
Oh, btw, the bf posted a slide show of
our New York vacation on his site.
Check it out!
wow...one more minute to go.
well, I'd better just shut down this computer
before i miss my train.
more later....
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
recovering
'stayed home from work today. i caught a bug
which left me with a crazy head cold last night.
'stayed home today just to give my body a little
more recuperating time.
I'm feeling a little anxious.
I guess I've been sittin' on my duff for too long.
I need to be proactive and DO something.
Perhaps now is the time to sit
with my laptop in bed and apply for jobs.
Or perhaps I should just snuggle with my
Harry Potter Book 4 and finish the darned
thing already.
I bought it a year ago and I still haven't
gone through the whole thing.
Actually, one of my co-workers just let me
borrow this book that hasn't even been made
available to the public.
Elle Magazine chose her to do book
reviews for three soon-to-be released works.
I was so excited for her!
She doesn't know if her reviews will be published
but hell, what an opportunity!
The book that she let me borrow is a true
story from an Iranian woman, where she
talks about growing up in war-torn Iraq.
The first line of the book is already powerful.
I can't wait to get to the rest of it.
'stayed home from work today. i caught a bug
which left me with a crazy head cold last night.
'stayed home today just to give my body a little
more recuperating time.
I'm feeling a little anxious.
I guess I've been sittin' on my duff for too long.
I need to be proactive and DO something.
Perhaps now is the time to sit
with my laptop in bed and apply for jobs.
Or perhaps I should just snuggle with my
Harry Potter Book 4 and finish the darned
thing already.
I bought it a year ago and I still haven't
gone through the whole thing.
Actually, one of my co-workers just let me
borrow this book that hasn't even been made
available to the public.
Elle Magazine chose her to do book
reviews for three soon-to-be released works.
I was so excited for her!
She doesn't know if her reviews will be published
but hell, what an opportunity!
The book that she let me borrow is a true
story from an Iranian woman, where she
talks about growing up in war-torn Iraq.
The first line of the book is already powerful.
I can't wait to get to the rest of it.
Saturday, July 17, 2004
i wonder if many people who have lost a loved one
experience moments like mine.
I know my friend Cindy and her family do.
I've had some great chats with her and Auntie Glo about it,
one of which almost made me bawl my eyes out
cause it was so touching.
i was actually listening to the morning show on
Alice Radio on my drive to work. They were featuring
an old halloween special where they had a clairevouyant
serving as an intermediary for loved ones
who passed away.
GAWD! I cried all the way to freakin' work
cause this lady was just telling
people things that only their loved ones
on the "other side" would know.
i thought of auntie linda the whole time.
as tragic as her passing was,
there is a certain calm that i feel
when i think about her.
perhaps i have an easier time accepting her passing
because i'm not her daughter or husband.
however, i can't deny what i feel when i think of her.
instead of dwelling in her passing, i am motivated to move forward.
of course, the question remains: which direction do I go?
believe me, the answers have been wrapped up in too
many layers of analysis, worry and personal politics for far too long.
but the other day, i think auntie linda sent me a message
to help set me straight.
last saturday morning, I was sitting in my kitchen
looking outside at our overgrown orange tree
with the cloudless, blue sky in the background.
something about that picture just made me feel good,
'made me think about the wonderful times I've been
having lately getting to know new friends and
spending more quality time with old ones that I don't see too often.
at one point in my thought process, i just knew.
it was all a gift from above.
then, for reasons i can't explain, i had this sudden urge
to pay careful attention to
which Avril Lavigne song was playing on my CD player at that moment.
And that's when I bawled like crazy.
I knew for sure auntie linda was sending me her good vibes
from above.
In my heart, I knew it wasn't a coincidence that this was
the song i was hearing:
"Who Knows" - Avril Lavigne
Why do you look so familiar
I could swear that I have seen your face before
I think I like that you seem sincere
I think I'd like to get to know you
a little bit more
Chorus
I think there's something more
life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
How do you always have an opinion
and how do you always find
the best way to compromise
We don't need to have a reason
We don't need anything we're just wasting time
(Chorus 2x)
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
(Chorus)
So you go and make it happen
Do your best
Just keep on laughing
I'm telling you
There's always a brand new day
(Chorus)
...thanks for always watching over me, auntie. I miss you.
experience moments like mine.
I know my friend Cindy and her family do.
I've had some great chats with her and Auntie Glo about it,
one of which almost made me bawl my eyes out
cause it was so touching.
i was actually listening to the morning show on
Alice Radio on my drive to work. They were featuring
an old halloween special where they had a clairevouyant
serving as an intermediary for loved ones
who passed away.
GAWD! I cried all the way to freakin' work
cause this lady was just telling
people things that only their loved ones
on the "other side" would know.
i thought of auntie linda the whole time.
as tragic as her passing was,
there is a certain calm that i feel
when i think about her.
perhaps i have an easier time accepting her passing
because i'm not her daughter or husband.
however, i can't deny what i feel when i think of her.
instead of dwelling in her passing, i am motivated to move forward.
of course, the question remains: which direction do I go?
believe me, the answers have been wrapped up in too
many layers of analysis, worry and personal politics for far too long.
but the other day, i think auntie linda sent me a message
to help set me straight.
last saturday morning, I was sitting in my kitchen
looking outside at our overgrown orange tree
with the cloudless, blue sky in the background.
something about that picture just made me feel good,
'made me think about the wonderful times I've been
having lately getting to know new friends and
spending more quality time with old ones that I don't see too often.
at one point in my thought process, i just knew.
it was all a gift from above.
then, for reasons i can't explain, i had this sudden urge
to pay careful attention to
which Avril Lavigne song was playing on my CD player at that moment.
And that's when I bawled like crazy.
I knew for sure auntie linda was sending me her good vibes
from above.
In my heart, I knew it wasn't a coincidence that this was
the song i was hearing:
"Who Knows" - Avril Lavigne
Why do you look so familiar
I could swear that I have seen your face before
I think I like that you seem sincere
I think I'd like to get to know you
a little bit more
Chorus
I think there's something more
life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
How do you always have an opinion
and how do you always find
the best way to compromise
We don't need to have a reason
We don't need anything we're just wasting time
(Chorus 2x)
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
(Chorus)
So you go and make it happen
Do your best
Just keep on laughing
I'm telling you
There's always a brand new day
(Chorus)
...thanks for always watching over me, auntie. I miss you.
12:46AM
lost
i am still in awe from our incredible evening with John Mayer.
haha...I WISH i could say we were spending some one-on-one time
shootin' the shit with him,
but as luck would have it, me and the bf had to share him with about
40,000 other people.
Well, at least my trusty-dusty binoculars made me FEEL like he was
standing right in front of me
instead of 100 rows away.
Compared to the first time we saw him last year,
this time around, me and the bf agreed,
was definitely more of an "initimate" concert.
He talked to the crowd more, which I love.
'Makes me feel like there's a little more of an exchange
than just the 40,000 of us
peering at him like he was some museum exhibit.
i dug the whole thing.
Homeboy even wished us a "good weekend" on his way out.
wierd, but neat...'made me feel like I was there to watch
a friend perform.
as always, I am left in a pensive state.
John Mayer's song writing just "hits the spot" for me.
He has a poetic way of perfectly capturing the essence
of experiences, feelings that one can't help
but reflect
on things,
people,
instances.
aside from this, john mayer is an amazing musician.
wow...their "freestyle" segments on the guitar were...wow.
I don't even have words for it.
All I can say is, it was definitely another level of artistry that
i rarely get to experience.
so there we were, the bf and I,
just lost in all of it.
loving every minute,
letting the moment
guide us to
wherever we needed to be.
lost
i am still in awe from our incredible evening with John Mayer.
haha...I WISH i could say we were spending some one-on-one time
shootin' the shit with him,
but as luck would have it, me and the bf had to share him with about
40,000 other people.
Well, at least my trusty-dusty binoculars made me FEEL like he was
standing right in front of me
instead of 100 rows away.
Compared to the first time we saw him last year,
this time around, me and the bf agreed,
was definitely more of an "initimate" concert.
He talked to the crowd more, which I love.
'Makes me feel like there's a little more of an exchange
than just the 40,000 of us
peering at him like he was some museum exhibit.
i dug the whole thing.
Homeboy even wished us a "good weekend" on his way out.
wierd, but neat...'made me feel like I was there to watch
a friend perform.
as always, I am left in a pensive state.
John Mayer's song writing just "hits the spot" for me.
He has a poetic way of perfectly capturing the essence
of experiences, feelings that one can't help
but reflect
on things,
people,
instances.
aside from this, john mayer is an amazing musician.
wow...their "freestyle" segments on the guitar were...wow.
I don't even have words for it.
All I can say is, it was definitely another level of artistry that
i rarely get to experience.
so there we were, the bf and I,
just lost in all of it.
loving every minute,
letting the moment
guide us to
wherever we needed to be.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
6:22pm
Wow..this is a new interface to blog on! 'Guess I have been absent for quite some time...as usual.
I'm currently in my little hole in the office with the BF sitting at the desk behind me. We are waiting for our friend who is treating us to FREE tickets to the Giant's baseball game tonight. He's running a little late, so we are killing time here in the office.
Man, it has been quite a whirlwind of a life since I last blogged. Check out my BF's site for a glimpse of what we've been up to. Especially check out his New York stuff. Man, I miss that place soooo much!
Currently, I am pooped. We had one of the longest July 4th weekends ever. It was fun, of course, but damn, I didn't know that hanging out with friends (new and old), eating and lazying around could be so tiring! I must just be in poor shape. Coming back to work was definitely a struggle and it doesn't help that I still have 5-7 piles of case files to process.
Anyhoo, I'm excited about the game tonight. My brother will be there, too, so it'll be nice to hang out and catch up with him. Oh, and we'll be on the club level of the stadium, so I'm gonna just have to indulge in the food, which is a far different variety than on the lower levels. It's a bit on the shi-shi side if you ask me, but man, I can never resist the strawberry shortcake, which they only sell on the club level.
Wow..this is a new interface to blog on! 'Guess I have been absent for quite some time...as usual.
I'm currently in my little hole in the office with the BF sitting at the desk behind me. We are waiting for our friend who is treating us to FREE tickets to the Giant's baseball game tonight. He's running a little late, so we are killing time here in the office.
Man, it has been quite a whirlwind of a life since I last blogged. Check out my BF's site for a glimpse of what we've been up to. Especially check out his New York stuff. Man, I miss that place soooo much!
Currently, I am pooped. We had one of the longest July 4th weekends ever. It was fun, of course, but damn, I didn't know that hanging out with friends (new and old), eating and lazying around could be so tiring! I must just be in poor shape. Coming back to work was definitely a struggle and it doesn't help that I still have 5-7 piles of case files to process.
Anyhoo, I'm excited about the game tonight. My brother will be there, too, so it'll be nice to hang out and catch up with him. Oh, and we'll be on the club level of the stadium, so I'm gonna just have to indulge in the food, which is a far different variety than on the lower levels. It's a bit on the shi-shi side if you ask me, but man, I can never resist the strawberry shortcake, which they only sell on the club level.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
I LOVE NEW YORK!
I am sitting on Elaine & Al's super comfy couch
using Elaine's cute white iBook to type this entry.
Elaine and Al have been such gracious hosts during
our one week stay with them here in NJ for our vacation
exploring The Big Apple. Too bad today is our last day here.
All week long I've been the gung ho tourist along with the BF,
exploring every nook and cranny of this crazy, exciting place.
Right now, and especially last night, I've been feeling super pensive
and reflective. I actually had a chance to sit out on Elaine and Al's
balcony and stare at the beautiful NY skyline for what felt like hours.
It was definitely what I needed.
Unlike our last "vacation" in Monterey where the BF and I got lost
in the environment and eachother, this trip was different.
Since we have a few friends staying here, this trip was more about
catching up with them, spending time with people we love.
Don't get me wrong, exploring this place has definitely been
fun, but the highlight of it all has been connecting with friends and family.
I am sitting on Elaine & Al's super comfy couch
using Elaine's cute white iBook to type this entry.
Elaine and Al have been such gracious hosts during
our one week stay with them here in NJ for our vacation
exploring The Big Apple. Too bad today is our last day here.
All week long I've been the gung ho tourist along with the BF,
exploring every nook and cranny of this crazy, exciting place.
Right now, and especially last night, I've been feeling super pensive
and reflective. I actually had a chance to sit out on Elaine and Al's
balcony and stare at the beautiful NY skyline for what felt like hours.
It was definitely what I needed.
Unlike our last "vacation" in Monterey where the BF and I got lost
in the environment and eachother, this trip was different.
Since we have a few friends staying here, this trip was more about
catching up with them, spending time with people we love.
Don't get me wrong, exploring this place has definitely been
fun, but the highlight of it all has been connecting with friends and family.
Thursday, April 29, 2004
9:51p
just got back from my massage class
and am waiting til 10p when E.R. comes on.
I'm glad i decided to take a little risk
and take massage classes at a different school.
I was most definitely apprehensive at first
considering the more clinical, class-room-like
environment of it all.
They didn't have massage music playing in the background,
or a softly lit, carpeted room, or those cool "back jacks"
which are basically these cool floor seats with backs,
like at the massage school where I graduated from.
To top it off, except for the first day of class, our classroom
set-up is the traditional way where the teacher stands in front
lecturing to the students who all face her...
not the more inclusive, less authority-feeling set-up of
everyone sitting in a circle.
After the first couple of classes, though,
I began to ease into the scene and am completely
enjoying the class now.
I am learning soooo much, especially from my instructor
who has years of experience as both a massage therapist
and a chiropractor.
The best part is that I feel like I am part of a community again.
In fact, last Sunday, me and my classmate got together
with my friend (a personal trainer)
and had a little "jam session", if you will.
We traded different stretches, massage techniques and
did a lot of troubleshooting various situations
that we have all found ourselves in
when helping alleviate client's situations.
I can't wait til the next time we meet for another jame session.
just got back from my massage class
and am waiting til 10p when E.R. comes on.
I'm glad i decided to take a little risk
and take massage classes at a different school.
I was most definitely apprehensive at first
considering the more clinical, class-room-like
environment of it all.
They didn't have massage music playing in the background,
or a softly lit, carpeted room, or those cool "back jacks"
which are basically these cool floor seats with backs,
like at the massage school where I graduated from.
To top it off, except for the first day of class, our classroom
set-up is the traditional way where the teacher stands in front
lecturing to the students who all face her...
not the more inclusive, less authority-feeling set-up of
everyone sitting in a circle.
After the first couple of classes, though,
I began to ease into the scene and am completely
enjoying the class now.
I am learning soooo much, especially from my instructor
who has years of experience as both a massage therapist
and a chiropractor.
The best part is that I feel like I am part of a community again.
In fact, last Sunday, me and my classmate got together
with my friend (a personal trainer)
and had a little "jam session", if you will.
We traded different stretches, massage techniques and
did a lot of troubleshooting various situations
that we have all found ourselves in
when helping alleviate client's situations.
I can't wait til the next time we meet for another jame session.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
11:47p
a brush with greatness
last Sunday was a nice family day watching the A's
and Giants at the ballpark.
My brother got a bunch of bleacher seats, so
we - my brother, uncle, me, my bf, my cousin's bf, my
brother's friend and some other extended family
members - took in the cloudy San Francisco
weather to enjoy a little baseball.
It was a classic Filipino baseball outing complete with
my Tita B and her bag of baon.
She is the absolute sweetest lady.
When I came walking in our section with
my clam chowder and hot dog from the food stand,
she was flabbergasted.
'Why did you buy food?!", she asked, "We brought a lot here."
[signaling with her chin towards her two bags]
And sure enough, like any upstanding tita, she busted out with
*pandesal with chicken adobo sandwiches
*a PHAT bag of peanuts
*a PHAT packet of red licorice
* bottles of coke (for EACH of us)
*leche flan (no, I'm not kidding)
AND
* a box of Menthos to complete the course.
Yes, life was good.
To top it off, me and the bf just happened
to get a chance to talk to Willie Mays, the only
living baseball legend of our time.
Aside from his towering stature, I couldn't help
but stare at his hands.
They definitely belonged to an older Willie Mays, but
it gave me chills to think that those hands
were responsible for making history,
for contributing to the greatness of this awesome man.
i felt really lucky to have had that opportunity to meet him.
At the end of the game, me and the bf had a lot of time
on our hands.
On a whim, we decided to hang around 'backstage".
I'm glad that we did because we were able to see
the players up close, especially my favorite - Mr. Snow,
the hottest first baseman ever!
It was fun to become a total fan for that moment.
Me and the bf were totally indulging in it.
a brush with greatness
last Sunday was a nice family day watching the A's
and Giants at the ballpark.
My brother got a bunch of bleacher seats, so
we - my brother, uncle, me, my bf, my cousin's bf, my
brother's friend and some other extended family
members - took in the cloudy San Francisco
weather to enjoy a little baseball.
It was a classic Filipino baseball outing complete with
my Tita B and her bag of baon.
She is the absolute sweetest lady.
When I came walking in our section with
my clam chowder and hot dog from the food stand,
she was flabbergasted.
'Why did you buy food?!", she asked, "We brought a lot here."
[signaling with her chin towards her two bags]
And sure enough, like any upstanding tita, she busted out with
*pandesal with chicken adobo sandwiches
*a PHAT bag of peanuts
*a PHAT packet of red licorice
* bottles of coke (for EACH of us)
*leche flan (no, I'm not kidding)
AND
* a box of Menthos to complete the course.
Yes, life was good.
To top it off, me and the bf just happened
to get a chance to talk to Willie Mays, the only
living baseball legend of our time.
Aside from his towering stature, I couldn't help
but stare at his hands.
They definitely belonged to an older Willie Mays, but
it gave me chills to think that those hands
were responsible for making history,
for contributing to the greatness of this awesome man.
i felt really lucky to have had that opportunity to meet him.
At the end of the game, me and the bf had a lot of time
on our hands.
On a whim, we decided to hang around 'backstage".
I'm glad that we did because we were able to see
the players up close, especially my favorite - Mr. Snow,
the hottest first baseman ever!
It was fun to become a total fan for that moment.
Me and the bf were totally indulging in it.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
question mark
I don't quite know what exactly to call it,
even though I have named it many things
over the past few weeks.
It's this feeling, this new perspective that I
have been locked in
ever since Auntie passed away.
I often feel that no matter what I do to move
forward in life,
there really is no point. We're just gonna die anyway.
And what about heaven?
Ya, I believe in it.
But what's the point? We live, we die, we cross the line
and move to another world only for the cycle to repeat itself,
over and over again.
And the world still continues to cave in on itself with overpopulation,
starving nations, an inability to truly learn from history's lessons,
and an agenda for technological advancement that almost
always disrespects the cycles of nature.
Don't get me wrong, I am not a hopeless cynic,
I am just a curious soul whose inquiries as to
the purpose of life have simply reached another level.
It's not that easy anymore to just accept things
as they are,
especially when my own path and dreams aren't
so clear.
On the other hand, it seems that my senses have become more acute
to my every day surroundings.
Like a moment at lunch in the middle of a busy restaurant
evokes so many memories, images, voices, thoughts and theories.
Like today while I was having a nice plate of nachos and fish tacos with the BF,
I swear that the wheels in my head turned a million times
in reaction to the deluge of stimuli that surrounded me:
a baby in his stroller, a middle eastern family sitting together,
two teenage boys laughing at stupid jokes, the
cashiers calling out order numbers....
Yet in the chaos, I understood.
I can understand that there is a pattern to these
interactions and, even more so, a purpose.
Trouble is, I only understand these concepts within these microcosms of life.
The "big picture" itself is what continues to elude me.
I don't quite know what exactly to call it,
even though I have named it many things
over the past few weeks.
It's this feeling, this new perspective that I
have been locked in
ever since Auntie passed away.
I often feel that no matter what I do to move
forward in life,
there really is no point. We're just gonna die anyway.
And what about heaven?
Ya, I believe in it.
But what's the point? We live, we die, we cross the line
and move to another world only for the cycle to repeat itself,
over and over again.
And the world still continues to cave in on itself with overpopulation,
starving nations, an inability to truly learn from history's lessons,
and an agenda for technological advancement that almost
always disrespects the cycles of nature.
Don't get me wrong, I am not a hopeless cynic,
I am just a curious soul whose inquiries as to
the purpose of life have simply reached another level.
It's not that easy anymore to just accept things
as they are,
especially when my own path and dreams aren't
so clear.
On the other hand, it seems that my senses have become more acute
to my every day surroundings.
Like a moment at lunch in the middle of a busy restaurant
evokes so many memories, images, voices, thoughts and theories.
Like today while I was having a nice plate of nachos and fish tacos with the BF,
I swear that the wheels in my head turned a million times
in reaction to the deluge of stimuli that surrounded me:
a baby in his stroller, a middle eastern family sitting together,
two teenage boys laughing at stupid jokes, the
cashiers calling out order numbers....
Yet in the chaos, I understood.
I can understand that there is a pattern to these
interactions and, even more so, a purpose.
Trouble is, I only understand these concepts within these microcosms of life.
The "big picture" itself is what continues to elude me.
Monday, March 29, 2004
maybe it was the french toast
my friend, cyn, has always been one of thee most
genuine, down-to-earth, positive, extraordinary people
i am blessed to know.
She is one of those friends (and there are very few out there)
that everyone should have in this world.
Cyn is one of those friends who not only inspires you
but also creates community between all the people in her life.
sunday brunch at rick & ann's was no different.
for the first time, i met 3 of the women who have played a significant role
in Cyn's life.
i guess i shouldn't have been surprised that i would feel so comfortable with
all of them...Cyn talks about each of them all the time.
but the best part was that all of them were such
amazing, down-to-earth, genuine people...just like Cyn.
i've always believed in the phenomenon that "you attract
people who are just like you".
this time around, though, the magnitude of it all was telling
of just how unique and amazing ms. cyn truly is.
of course, there are more details yet to share with one another
to complete our information banks of eachother's lives.
but the vibe and energy...man...it's there. 'kinda overpowering even.
I should have looked around for a blue bird, just in case.
Cyn tells me that whenever "miraculous-type" stuff happens,
it's usually a sign from her dad and a blue bird will appear.
It was his favorite kind of bird.
my "pinsan-ster"
the last time i remember talking to my cousin Warren was
when i visited them back in 1997.
what a nice surprise it was to get an e-mail request from him
to add me as his "prend"-ster.
"90" years old
it was my cousin-in-law's idea to do it,
so while lighting my mom's b-day candles
at her mini b-day dinner on saturday,
i inverted the 6 candle so that it read "90".
hehehe...the look on her face was priceless!
after blowing out her candles, mom
was in disbelief that she was actually 60 already.
truly, I was too.
but my parents will never look old until they are really old.
they still have that same spirit as they did
when I was a kid.
they still say the same dumb jokes,
do the same silly things,
it's like they have never changed.
I'm glad my brother and i decided to cook dinner
at my house instead of taking mom out to a fancy
restaurant.
of course, we invited Uncle and family, as well as Tita b and Uncle G (the nicest people).
the ladies were not able to come, but their significant
others (my cousin-in-laws) were there to
chow down with us and introduce me to
the hilarity of the Dave Chapell Show.
Have you seen the VD episode? GAWD, that was the best!
brother and i were knee deep in carmelized onions
that looked more like sauer kraut
and fried shrimp batter that coated our fingers.
I swear, if we cut off our fingers and fried them,
they would look just like the fried shrimp we were preparing.
for dinner, me and brother tried a new chicken recipe
from my Bon Apetit magazine. We also bought some
Frutti di Mare pasta, spicy arrabiata pizza and garlic mashed
potatoes from Buca Di Beppo to round out our
very rustic meal.
The family gathering would not be complete without
someone pestering me...Uncle, not accustomed to
watching someone (me and brother) still cooking 1 hour before
the guests are to arrive, was getting "stressed" out.
hehehe...
thank goodness he went with mom and dad for an hour
to the local Pilipino bakery to buy some pan de sal, biko and
leche flan. he was more stressed out than we were! ;)
I just fed him peanuts and coke when he came back and dinner wasn't ready yet.
funny, it's those small fleeting moments that adds dimension to life.
transported
i would say that 80% of my bf's day is spent working on photography
related stuff.
it's an everyday part of his life now as well as mine.
his images on the wall are an integral part of our environment,
even the ones that seem to clutter up various areas of our house!
it wasn't until friday night at his school's spring exhibit
that i realized how common his photography had become in my life -
so much so that i think i take it for granted sometimes.
while playing "spy" near his photos to listen and experience people's
reactions to his images, i found myself getting lost in them.
One image in particular, "Ocean View", transported me back to our day at
Pfeifer Beach off the coast of Big Sur. It's a picture of two blue birds
sitting on top of a fence with the light blue of the sky and the royal blue
of the ocean in the background. It's now become one of my favorites.
There is something about that picture
that makes me linger when i look at it. I guess it's the blue
in the ocean...brings me a sense of calm.
It's the way the light blue and royal blue meet, 'kinda like a Mark
Rothko painting - they are some of my favorite.
It's also the blue birds....they remind me of Cyn's dad and the fact
that he loved blue birds and visiting Monterey/Carmel with Cyn's mom.
More than anything, the image transports me back
to me and the bf's 5 days together exploring the many
recesses of Monterey Bay back in July.
That was our time to regain our sense of "ground" together.
Things had been so hectic, pulling each of us in different directions.
Thank goodness we found what we needed...new perspective, life, peace.
It's probably one of the most significant times I've shared with him
...it was yet another one of those fleeting moments that adds dimension to my existence.
and it makes me appreciate my bf even more.
not only is he able to capture such beautiful images,
he is also able to capture the depth and emotion of that moment in time.
priceless.
if only i could blink my eyes and twitch my nose so i could transport myself
back to that bench overlooking the "Ocean View".
[it's such a breath of fresh air to be able to write about nice things....]
my friend, cyn, has always been one of thee most
genuine, down-to-earth, positive, extraordinary people
i am blessed to know.
She is one of those friends (and there are very few out there)
that everyone should have in this world.
Cyn is one of those friends who not only inspires you
but also creates community between all the people in her life.
sunday brunch at rick & ann's was no different.
for the first time, i met 3 of the women who have played a significant role
in Cyn's life.
i guess i shouldn't have been surprised that i would feel so comfortable with
all of them...Cyn talks about each of them all the time.
but the best part was that all of them were such
amazing, down-to-earth, genuine people...just like Cyn.
i've always believed in the phenomenon that "you attract
people who are just like you".
this time around, though, the magnitude of it all was telling
of just how unique and amazing ms. cyn truly is.
of course, there are more details yet to share with one another
to complete our information banks of eachother's lives.
but the vibe and energy...man...it's there. 'kinda overpowering even.
I should have looked around for a blue bird, just in case.
Cyn tells me that whenever "miraculous-type" stuff happens,
it's usually a sign from her dad and a blue bird will appear.
It was his favorite kind of bird.
my "pinsan-ster"
the last time i remember talking to my cousin Warren was
when i visited them back in 1997.
what a nice surprise it was to get an e-mail request from him
to add me as his "prend"-ster.
"90" years old
it was my cousin-in-law's idea to do it,
so while lighting my mom's b-day candles
at her mini b-day dinner on saturday,
i inverted the 6 candle so that it read "90".
hehehe...the look on her face was priceless!
after blowing out her candles, mom
was in disbelief that she was actually 60 already.
truly, I was too.
but my parents will never look old until they are really old.
they still have that same spirit as they did
when I was a kid.
they still say the same dumb jokes,
do the same silly things,
it's like they have never changed.
I'm glad my brother and i decided to cook dinner
at my house instead of taking mom out to a fancy
restaurant.
of course, we invited Uncle and family, as well as Tita b and Uncle G (the nicest people).
the ladies were not able to come, but their significant
others (my cousin-in-laws) were there to
chow down with us and introduce me to
the hilarity of the Dave Chapell Show.
Have you seen the VD episode? GAWD, that was the best!
brother and i were knee deep in carmelized onions
that looked more like sauer kraut
and fried shrimp batter that coated our fingers.
I swear, if we cut off our fingers and fried them,
they would look just like the fried shrimp we were preparing.
for dinner, me and brother tried a new chicken recipe
from my Bon Apetit magazine. We also bought some
Frutti di Mare pasta, spicy arrabiata pizza and garlic mashed
potatoes from Buca Di Beppo to round out our
very rustic meal.
The family gathering would not be complete without
someone pestering me...Uncle, not accustomed to
watching someone (me and brother) still cooking 1 hour before
the guests are to arrive, was getting "stressed" out.
hehehe...
thank goodness he went with mom and dad for an hour
to the local Pilipino bakery to buy some pan de sal, biko and
leche flan. he was more stressed out than we were! ;)
I just fed him peanuts and coke when he came back and dinner wasn't ready yet.
funny, it's those small fleeting moments that adds dimension to life.
transported
i would say that 80% of my bf's day is spent working on photography
related stuff.
it's an everyday part of his life now as well as mine.
his images on the wall are an integral part of our environment,
even the ones that seem to clutter up various areas of our house!
it wasn't until friday night at his school's spring exhibit
that i realized how common his photography had become in my life -
so much so that i think i take it for granted sometimes.
while playing "spy" near his photos to listen and experience people's
reactions to his images, i found myself getting lost in them.
One image in particular, "Ocean View", transported me back to our day at
Pfeifer Beach off the coast of Big Sur. It's a picture of two blue birds
sitting on top of a fence with the light blue of the sky and the royal blue
of the ocean in the background. It's now become one of my favorites.
There is something about that picture
that makes me linger when i look at it. I guess it's the blue
in the ocean...brings me a sense of calm.
It's the way the light blue and royal blue meet, 'kinda like a Mark
Rothko painting - they are some of my favorite.
It's also the blue birds....they remind me of Cyn's dad and the fact
that he loved blue birds and visiting Monterey/Carmel with Cyn's mom.
More than anything, the image transports me back
to me and the bf's 5 days together exploring the many
recesses of Monterey Bay back in July.
That was our time to regain our sense of "ground" together.
Things had been so hectic, pulling each of us in different directions.
Thank goodness we found what we needed...new perspective, life, peace.
It's probably one of the most significant times I've shared with him
...it was yet another one of those fleeting moments that adds dimension to my existence.
and it makes me appreciate my bf even more.
not only is he able to capture such beautiful images,
he is also able to capture the depth and emotion of that moment in time.
priceless.
if only i could blink my eyes and twitch my nose so i could transport myself
back to that bench overlooking the "Ocean View".
[it's such a breath of fresh air to be able to write about nice things....]
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
5:13p
I had this sudden urge to blog today.
GAWD! it feels like centuries since I've written!
Maybe that's why I often feel like I'm just "floating"
through life these days.
I guess it's always better to use this space to process things.
Gives everything more meaning and value.
I am currently at work just dying to go home for the day.
I have a lot of work still to finish, but my brain has been really
sluggish these last 2 days.
I haven't worked overtime in a while, so my body and mind
are simply not conditioned for it.
Hence, I am using my "spare" time to finally blog.
it's like when you find a dollar bill in your pocket that you forgot about
I guess one of the reasons why I was a bit unfocused at work today
is because I found out that I could access some extra money
from a very unlikely place.
'Turns out that the education award that I earned from working in the 'corps
can also be used to pay for any living expenses incurred from taking classes.
This means that not only can I use part of my
education award to pay for tuition for the massage class
I am taking, i can also request money for any other costs
I incur while taking the class (i.e. class materials, books,
transportation/housing costs, a new computer, a new calculator,etc.).
AND, I don't even need to submit a detail of what the money
will be used for!
Hello! A little chump change for my NY trip!
I do feel guilt of course...using free money
that is supposed to go towards education expenses.
But if I earned it, shouldn't I receive it even if I may
use it for other things that I need?
Hell, I worked for $6.50/hour for 10 months for the 'corps
and supported the program as a part of the staff for another 4 years.
Shouldn't that be justification enough?
I guess the only valid question is, will I feel good about myself?
I guess I won't feel 100% proud of myself
for doing it, but really and truly I need it.
Besides, I work like a dog making very little extra
for savings.
shit, I barely HAVE a savings.
Under the circumstances, it's more a matter of necessity than anything.
I will still continue to use my ed award for education expenses.
I want to take a boat-load more of massage classes
and maybe some other social work classes at State, so it's not
like I am totally abusing it. I just don't want it all to go to waste, as
I only have until June 2005 to use it...all $4,000 of it.
Damn, that can help with my debts alone!
Anyhow, it's already 5:30, so I better be going.
my body starts getting this icky feeling when I am
here past 5p. Conditioned response I guess! ;)
More later...
I had this sudden urge to blog today.
GAWD! it feels like centuries since I've written!
Maybe that's why I often feel like I'm just "floating"
through life these days.
I guess it's always better to use this space to process things.
Gives everything more meaning and value.
I am currently at work just dying to go home for the day.
I have a lot of work still to finish, but my brain has been really
sluggish these last 2 days.
I haven't worked overtime in a while, so my body and mind
are simply not conditioned for it.
Hence, I am using my "spare" time to finally blog.
it's like when you find a dollar bill in your pocket that you forgot about
I guess one of the reasons why I was a bit unfocused at work today
is because I found out that I could access some extra money
from a very unlikely place.
'Turns out that the education award that I earned from working in the 'corps
can also be used to pay for any living expenses incurred from taking classes.
This means that not only can I use part of my
education award to pay for tuition for the massage class
I am taking, i can also request money for any other costs
I incur while taking the class (i.e. class materials, books,
transportation/housing costs, a new computer, a new calculator,etc.).
AND, I don't even need to submit a detail of what the money
will be used for!
Hello! A little chump change for my NY trip!
I do feel guilt of course...using free money
that is supposed to go towards education expenses.
But if I earned it, shouldn't I receive it even if I may
use it for other things that I need?
Hell, I worked for $6.50/hour for 10 months for the 'corps
and supported the program as a part of the staff for another 4 years.
Shouldn't that be justification enough?
I guess the only valid question is, will I feel good about myself?
I guess I won't feel 100% proud of myself
for doing it, but really and truly I need it.
Besides, I work like a dog making very little extra
for savings.
shit, I barely HAVE a savings.
Under the circumstances, it's more a matter of necessity than anything.
I will still continue to use my ed award for education expenses.
I want to take a boat-load more of massage classes
and maybe some other social work classes at State, so it's not
like I am totally abusing it. I just don't want it all to go to waste, as
I only have until June 2005 to use it...all $4,000 of it.
Damn, that can help with my debts alone!
Anyhow, it's already 5:30, so I better be going.
my body starts getting this icky feeling when I am
here past 5p. Conditioned response I guess! ;)
More later...
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
bad blogger
man, I've been away too long.
I figured that I should probably check in since I have a little time
to spare.
it's not like I never have time, but my brain has been pre-occupied with too much stuff.
anyway, it's nice to be back for a little bit.
the good news
I'm so happy for my cousin who just gave birth to one of my
cutest nephews ever!!!! welcome to the world, Dylan!
Welcome also to a new Cal bear cub, Nicholas! (another nephew)
Even though your mom and dad say the massage I gave your mommy helped you come out,
I know it was probably just you coming out on your own time.
What an honor it was for me to help play a small part in your arrival!
It is by far the best experiences I've ever had as a massage therapist.
I am so humbled.
I also heard news that one of my favorite couples just got engaged.
Congrats, Sil and D!!!
Oh and last but not least, I got asked to be a bridesmaid for one of my
oldest and dearest friends, Cyn's, wedding.
Would you believe I heard news of the last three items within the same weekend?!
I hope this means this year is turning around for the better.
random updates
besides being a complete and utter lagger with my blog,
life on the outside is rolling along.
since my last entry, my work situation has finally taken a positive turn.
I took on yet another new perspective.
it's kinda one of those thing where you just get sick and tired of being stuck in the
same place day after day, so you have no choice but to change.
I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I can only control
so much of some of the things that aggravate me at work.
so now, i try to focus on what I can control
and simply don't beat myself up anymore when certain things
don't go my way.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad days.
i just try not to let them get to me as much anymore.
even better still, me and the bf spent the weekend together...
painting!
we re-painted the master bedroom and can I just tell you how much
more I LOVE that space now that I don't have to walk
into a super bright orange room.
It's amazing how colors can affect your mood.
I'm happy to say that the room is now a relaxing muted/light grey color with a hint of muted blue.
Ahhhhh....it's pure heaven.
and we left an entire humongous wall empty so that we could fill it up with our own
home made acrylic paintings on canvas.
It's our "art wall".
can't wait to start working on it.
and yesterday was the bf's b-day.
took him out to dinner at this singaporean/malaysian/thai restaurant.
the food was amazing and the decor transported you out of the 'burbs.
I didn't know it was possible for there to be a place like this where we live.
I seriously felt like i was in a restaurant in the mission district of the city.
where am i now?
I still feel like I'm just floating for the most part.
At least I'm heading in a direction, but I think I just need to be more proactive on certain things.
I'm loving reading my cousin's blog and seeing/learning about my new nephew, Dylan.
He's absolutely heavenly...the cutest little thing ever!
I just think to myself what an amazing and challenging journey my cousin and her husband
have ahead of them.
I just wish I were closer so that i could experience Dylan growing up.
I am often feeling antsy about moving forward with my life.
I just get so overwhelmed with what I have to do sometimes
that I end up not doing anything at all.
I think that I am still just trying to manage all of my "adult"
responsibilities, which is sometimes a pain in the ass.
I just wish sometimes that there was a manual on how
to DEAL period.
I still miss my Auntie Linda.
I still cry like a baby when certain things I see, hear, smell evoke thoughts of her.
Especially now that Measure A passed in Alameda County to help pay for the
deficit in the county medical center, I think about her.
I think, if it wasn't for her passing, none of this would be taken seriously.
man, I've been away too long.
I figured that I should probably check in since I have a little time
to spare.
it's not like I never have time, but my brain has been pre-occupied with too much stuff.
anyway, it's nice to be back for a little bit.
the good news
I'm so happy for my cousin who just gave birth to one of my
cutest nephews ever!!!! welcome to the world, Dylan!
Welcome also to a new Cal bear cub, Nicholas! (another nephew)
Even though your mom and dad say the massage I gave your mommy helped you come out,
I know it was probably just you coming out on your own time.
What an honor it was for me to help play a small part in your arrival!
It is by far the best experiences I've ever had as a massage therapist.
I am so humbled.
I also heard news that one of my favorite couples just got engaged.
Congrats, Sil and D!!!
Oh and last but not least, I got asked to be a bridesmaid for one of my
oldest and dearest friends, Cyn's, wedding.
Would you believe I heard news of the last three items within the same weekend?!
I hope this means this year is turning around for the better.
random updates
besides being a complete and utter lagger with my blog,
life on the outside is rolling along.
since my last entry, my work situation has finally taken a positive turn.
I took on yet another new perspective.
it's kinda one of those thing where you just get sick and tired of being stuck in the
same place day after day, so you have no choice but to change.
I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I can only control
so much of some of the things that aggravate me at work.
so now, i try to focus on what I can control
and simply don't beat myself up anymore when certain things
don't go my way.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad days.
i just try not to let them get to me as much anymore.
even better still, me and the bf spent the weekend together...
painting!
we re-painted the master bedroom and can I just tell you how much
more I LOVE that space now that I don't have to walk
into a super bright orange room.
It's amazing how colors can affect your mood.
I'm happy to say that the room is now a relaxing muted/light grey color with a hint of muted blue.
Ahhhhh....it's pure heaven.
and we left an entire humongous wall empty so that we could fill it up with our own
home made acrylic paintings on canvas.
It's our "art wall".
can't wait to start working on it.
and yesterday was the bf's b-day.
took him out to dinner at this singaporean/malaysian/thai restaurant.
the food was amazing and the decor transported you out of the 'burbs.
I didn't know it was possible for there to be a place like this where we live.
I seriously felt like i was in a restaurant in the mission district of the city.
where am i now?
I still feel like I'm just floating for the most part.
At least I'm heading in a direction, but I think I just need to be more proactive on certain things.
I'm loving reading my cousin's blog and seeing/learning about my new nephew, Dylan.
He's absolutely heavenly...the cutest little thing ever!
I just think to myself what an amazing and challenging journey my cousin and her husband
have ahead of them.
I just wish I were closer so that i could experience Dylan growing up.
I am often feeling antsy about moving forward with my life.
I just get so overwhelmed with what I have to do sometimes
that I end up not doing anything at all.
I think that I am still just trying to manage all of my "adult"
responsibilities, which is sometimes a pain in the ass.
I just wish sometimes that there was a manual on how
to DEAL period.
I still miss my Auntie Linda.
I still cry like a baby when certain things I see, hear, smell evoke thoughts of her.
Especially now that Measure A passed in Alameda County to help pay for the
deficit in the county medical center, I think about her.
I think, if it wasn't for her passing, none of this would be taken seriously.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
new day
guess what?
I am still alive.
'managed to lift myself out of my burdensome week and
wake up to a beautiful morning.
of course, it's like 30 degrees in this house (even at 12 noon!),
so I am still in my jammies, socks and slippers.
and as usual, it is much warmer outside.
(freakin' poor insulation)
'had a lovely breakfast of eggs (sunnyside) with toasted bread.
i cooked.
hell, I always cook between the two of us!
but it's nice. I enjoy being domestic after five-days
of sitting in front of a computer.
'am currently listening to John Mayer (surprise, surprise)
so of course I felt like blogging.
I guess I could go on and on about my terribly shitty job situation
or the fact that I was at work til 10p last night (a Friday night)
but then I thought, "why ruin a perfectly nice day?"
might as well start off re-capping my 12 year anniversary date.....
bloated with happiness and cuban food
february 2, 1992. that's when we pretty much called it "official".
he actually asked me to be his girlfriend. I guess you would
call it "old fashion" by modern standards, but hey, it worked for me!
12 years later I can honestly say I am incomplete without him.
believe it or not, we even still have those
guess what?
I am still alive.
'managed to lift myself out of my burdensome week and
wake up to a beautiful morning.
of course, it's like 30 degrees in this house (even at 12 noon!),
so I am still in my jammies, socks and slippers.
and as usual, it is much warmer outside.
(freakin' poor insulation)
'had a lovely breakfast of eggs (sunnyside) with toasted bread.
i cooked.
hell, I always cook between the two of us!
but it's nice. I enjoy being domestic after five-days
of sitting in front of a computer.
'am currently listening to John Mayer (surprise, surprise)
so of course I felt like blogging.
I guess I could go on and on about my terribly shitty job situation
or the fact that I was at work til 10p last night (a Friday night)
but then I thought, "why ruin a perfectly nice day?"
might as well start off re-capping my 12 year anniversary date.....
bloated with happiness and cuban food
february 2, 1992. that's when we pretty much called it "official".
he actually asked me to be his girlfriend. I guess you would
call it "old fashion" by modern standards, but hey, it worked for me!
12 years later I can honestly say I am incomplete without him.
believe it or not, we even still have those
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
john mayer and blogging
funny how listening to certain songs activates your
conditioned repsonse to things.
like, for me, listening to John Mayer while sitting in front of the computer
makes me want to blog.
it reminds me of the time i first began blogging...the year I
blogged religiously.
i guess i really needed that outlet back then
being that I was alone most of the day
since I was unemployed and my bf was out....
working.
truthfully, it's an outlet i still need now.
unfortunately, I am knee-deep in the craziness of my work life.
believe me, it's not like i choose to be here.
if i had a choice, i'd be doing something much more meaningful.
but unfortunately, I must abide by the code of...responsibility.
ugh!
unfortunately, i've wasted a lot of time working overtime
just trying to keep pace with everything.
dammit...the chaos just never ends.
in fact, I'm here now at 7 in the freakin' evening
getting ready to "start" the rest of my occasional
12-hour work days.
I'm telling you, this part of my life SUCKS right now.
there are days where I literally just cry
because i'm so fed up.
there's never enough time for anything.
I'm always here so I don't have enough time for myself
to look for what i really want to be doing.
I've been dealing alright.
I haven't completely lost it...yet.
I'm still smarter than i look, so I can handle things.
Thank goodness I have been constantly blessed
with friends and family to spend time with on the weekends.
I don't even plan it. It just happens.
ALso,
After my Auntie Linda passed, we've made it a tradition to
have SUnday dinner at my Uncle's.
We chit chat and tsis mis. It's the coolest thing.
hehehe...kinda reminds me of the movie, "Soul Food".
I think I am finally realizing how blessed I am to have family.
Well, this was definitely a treat to blog more than one paragraph.
Unfortunately, my case files are calling.
Hopefully, I can get outta here before 9p.
funny how listening to certain songs activates your
conditioned repsonse to things.
like, for me, listening to John Mayer while sitting in front of the computer
makes me want to blog.
it reminds me of the time i first began blogging...the year I
blogged religiously.
i guess i really needed that outlet back then
being that I was alone most of the day
since I was unemployed and my bf was out....
working.
truthfully, it's an outlet i still need now.
unfortunately, I am knee-deep in the craziness of my work life.
believe me, it's not like i choose to be here.
if i had a choice, i'd be doing something much more meaningful.
but unfortunately, I must abide by the code of...responsibility.
ugh!
unfortunately, i've wasted a lot of time working overtime
just trying to keep pace with everything.
dammit...the chaos just never ends.
in fact, I'm here now at 7 in the freakin' evening
getting ready to "start" the rest of my occasional
12-hour work days.
I'm telling you, this part of my life SUCKS right now.
there are days where I literally just cry
because i'm so fed up.
there's never enough time for anything.
I'm always here so I don't have enough time for myself
to look for what i really want to be doing.
I've been dealing alright.
I haven't completely lost it...yet.
I'm still smarter than i look, so I can handle things.
Thank goodness I have been constantly blessed
with friends and family to spend time with on the weekends.
I don't even plan it. It just happens.
ALso,
After my Auntie Linda passed, we've made it a tradition to
have SUnday dinner at my Uncle's.
We chit chat and tsis mis. It's the coolest thing.
hehehe...kinda reminds me of the movie, "Soul Food".
I think I am finally realizing how blessed I am to have family.
Well, this was definitely a treat to blog more than one paragraph.
Unfortunately, my case files are calling.
Hopefully, I can get outta here before 9p.
Monday, February 02, 2004
Saturday, January 24, 2004
12:47p
refresh
it's funny sometimes how therapeutic giving
a massage can be.
I had one of the best sessions this morning in a long time.
and as much as I needed to be on that table receiving a massage,
the whole exchange that transpired helped me to refresh.
so here I am, taking a little time for myself,
before another good friend comes over for her session.
refresh
it's funny sometimes how therapeutic giving
a massage can be.
I had one of the best sessions this morning in a long time.
and as much as I needed to be on that table receiving a massage,
the whole exchange that transpired helped me to refresh.
so here I am, taking a little time for myself,
before another good friend comes over for her session.
Monday, January 19, 2004
11:59a
holiday
it is about that time for one of these day offs for me.
i have been spending too many of my waking hours
hunched over on my computer at my job. arrrgggghhh!!!!
I want to help, so I do what I can. but dammit, the workload is just
too much sometimes.
I'm handling it much better emotionally, though.
besides that, I am making plans to move forward after April passes.
I commited to staying for at least one year, and to be honest, i think
that is all I can devote of my energy, time and physical health at this job.
it's time for me to seek greener pastures, so to speak.
It's difficult, though, because as is always the case,
i haven't figured out that one thing I want to devote to (job-wise).
I do know what my "life's work" is, but sometimes I have a difficult time
translating that to a job.
I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that there isn't that ONE job for me...
that i will most likely journey through different capacities of the social work/education/social justice
world.
It's kinda like doing those majors in college where you create it yourself...I think it's called
something like, "Interdepartmental Studies" or something???
I (heart) New York!
besides working too many hours a week, I am still alive.
just Thursday night, I booked our flight to New York,
yes, I am actually TRAVELLING, in MAY!!!!
I'm so freakin' excited!!! We are staying there for a week, primarily to
visit my cousin, who will be graduating that week with her Masters in Public Health Administration
from Columbia. but we will also be taking in everything that New York has to offer.
We've already got our first event set: watching the Mariners and Yankees play at Yankees Stadium.
We also have our lodging set: we'll be staying with our friends, Elaine and Al, in New Jersey. Yippeee!
Let's see...so far, some of the things we want to do while we are there:
1. visit museums: The Guggenheim, The Met
2. catch a Broadway play
3. hopefully get to attend my cousin's graduation (if she can get enough tix). otherwise, we'll celebrate with her afterwards
4. go clubbing til 6am
5. go to Central Park
6. visit the World Trade Center area
7. hang out in Greenwich Village, Soho, Little Italy, Spanish Harlem
8. visit as many friends who live there
9. get tix to The Dave Letterman Show
10. hang outside MTV's TRL while they are taping live
11. EAT at all the great places my cousin talks about: Serendipity, that steak place (dunno the name), the Cuban-Chinese restaurant near Columbia, etc., etc.
12. shop at HM
13. walk along Park Avenue
14. more later...gotta continue with my research
would love to take any other suggestions, too!
holiday
it is about that time for one of these day offs for me.
i have been spending too many of my waking hours
hunched over on my computer at my job. arrrgggghhh!!!!
I want to help, so I do what I can. but dammit, the workload is just
too much sometimes.
I'm handling it much better emotionally, though.
besides that, I am making plans to move forward after April passes.
I commited to staying for at least one year, and to be honest, i think
that is all I can devote of my energy, time and physical health at this job.
it's time for me to seek greener pastures, so to speak.
It's difficult, though, because as is always the case,
i haven't figured out that one thing I want to devote to (job-wise).
I do know what my "life's work" is, but sometimes I have a difficult time
translating that to a job.
I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that there isn't that ONE job for me...
that i will most likely journey through different capacities of the social work/education/social justice
world.
It's kinda like doing those majors in college where you create it yourself...I think it's called
something like, "Interdepartmental Studies" or something???
I (heart) New York!
besides working too many hours a week, I am still alive.
just Thursday night, I booked our flight to New York,
yes, I am actually TRAVELLING, in MAY!!!!
I'm so freakin' excited!!! We are staying there for a week, primarily to
visit my cousin, who will be graduating that week with her Masters in Public Health Administration
from Columbia. but we will also be taking in everything that New York has to offer.
We've already got our first event set: watching the Mariners and Yankees play at Yankees Stadium.
We also have our lodging set: we'll be staying with our friends, Elaine and Al, in New Jersey. Yippeee!
Let's see...so far, some of the things we want to do while we are there:
1. visit museums: The Guggenheim, The Met
2. catch a Broadway play
3. hopefully get to attend my cousin's graduation (if she can get enough tix). otherwise, we'll celebrate with her afterwards
4. go clubbing til 6am
5. go to Central Park
6. visit the World Trade Center area
7. hang out in Greenwich Village, Soho, Little Italy, Spanish Harlem
8. visit as many friends who live there
9. get tix to The Dave Letterman Show
10. hang outside MTV's TRL while they are taping live
11. EAT at all the great places my cousin talks about: Serendipity, that steak place (dunno the name), the Cuban-Chinese restaurant near Columbia, etc., etc.
12. shop at HM
13. walk along Park Avenue
14. more later...gotta continue with my research
would love to take any other suggestions, too!
Sunday, January 04, 2004
6:09p
the countdown
so as ugly as the last few months of 2003 was,
me and the bf had a little session over dinner on
new year's eve about some of the better times/highlights,
if you will of this past year:
1. celebrating our 11-year anniversary
2. the bf was able to arrange with his full-time job to work part-time
so that he could pursue work in a growing photography organization
3. we saw more concerts this year than any other:
(saw Avril in June, John Mayer in July, Duran Duran, Liz Phair and Seal in Sept, Maroon 5 in July and Sept)
4. chased down Roger & Andy Taylor's van and saw them up close AND saw Duran Duran in my favorite concert ever
5. held baby Giselle for the first time (our friends' little girl, born in May)
6. celebrated Max's, Donovan's and Tommy's 1st b-days
7. celebrated our 12th annual x-mas party - this time with TONs of porn DVD's as gifts for the White Elephant game
8. found out my cousin, Fatima, was having her first baby
9. saw my brother graduate from college (he worked his ass off for that degree)
10. got my second massage therapy gig at a new spa in the city
11. met 2 of the most down-to-earth, genuine people in my last 2, very corporate jobs (I'm lucky to be able to call them friends)
12. crashed anna's wedding with Cyn so we could see the girl get married
13. getting invited to Jason's wedding after being out of touch for ten years
14. getting all star-struck with the TJH crew over Len's big screen-directorial debut and watching the movie together
15. El going through the most intense pregnancy and coming out of it on top with a beautiful baby Ryan as her prize 16. going through my awesome painting class at SF State
...lots more! will continue listing later
the countdown
so as ugly as the last few months of 2003 was,
me and the bf had a little session over dinner on
new year's eve about some of the better times/highlights,
if you will of this past year:
1. celebrating our 11-year anniversary
2. the bf was able to arrange with his full-time job to work part-time
so that he could pursue work in a growing photography organization
3. we saw more concerts this year than any other:
(saw Avril in June, John Mayer in July, Duran Duran, Liz Phair and Seal in Sept, Maroon 5 in July and Sept)
4. chased down Roger & Andy Taylor's van and saw them up close AND saw Duran Duran in my favorite concert ever
5. held baby Giselle for the first time (our friends' little girl, born in May)
6. celebrated Max's, Donovan's and Tommy's 1st b-days
7. celebrated our 12th annual x-mas party - this time with TONs of porn DVD's as gifts for the White Elephant game
8. found out my cousin, Fatima, was having her first baby
9. saw my brother graduate from college (he worked his ass off for that degree)
10. got my second massage therapy gig at a new spa in the city
11. met 2 of the most down-to-earth, genuine people in my last 2, very corporate jobs (I'm lucky to be able to call them friends)
12. crashed anna's wedding with Cyn so we could see the girl get married
13. getting invited to Jason's wedding after being out of touch for ten years
14. getting all star-struck with the TJH crew over Len's big screen-directorial debut and watching the movie together
15. El going through the most intense pregnancy and coming out of it on top with a beautiful baby Ryan as her prize 16. going through my awesome painting class at SF State
...lots more! will continue listing later
5:16p
The last 4 days away from everything has been heavenly.
Finally - I can take a breath.
'Been making to do lists each day so as to be productive with
the rare free time that I have. It's been helpful and has helped me
to better understand the rut I have been in over the last year.
every day I go to work only to waste my time, energy
and emotions worrying about all the things I have to accomplish
with the limits of an 8-hour work day.
on top of that, there is the odd (or lack of)relationship I have to deal with at work.
In retrospect, the work itself isn't the problem, but rather this particular relationship.
Truly, if there was more trust, communication and acceptance, life would not be so horrible.
but perhaps what has made things even more challenging
is that I had not figured out a way to get myself out.
I had not figured out what i truly wanted, nor did i take many steps to get there.
that's what was missing.
that's what made me feel trapped and fueled the
awful cycle I was dying to get out of.
I think I've known this all along.
I know fear had a lot to do with my apprehension to make certain moves.
With everything that the world has shown me this year,
I've come to realize (in a different and more real light) that change is the only constant.
And while there are no guarantees in choices or steps you make,
the only thing you have control of is in how you prepare for change.
Quite honestly, it is scary. Scary as hell.
When auntie passed away, so many things went through my head.
One thought was that now there is one less person to take care of me.
As independent as I am and even though I've spent all these years
freeing myself from my parent's rules and expectations,
I realize what a blessing it is to always have some one to look after you.
So here I am again, being challenged to ride my bike without training wheels.
Or at least it feels like it.
New eyes, new perspective, new challenges and expectations...
I officially feel like I am delving into a new realm in this chapter of me.
One thing is for sure: I am HUNGRY for CHANGE! (no, not the kind that jingles!)
I used to think that even-numbered years were better than the odd-numbered ones.
But even with some of the awful things that transpired in 2003, some great things
also came to be.
My conclusion: from here on out, the world is just gonna be as real as it wants to be,
odd-numbered year or not.
but it is ultimately up to me to determine how I deal with it
and what I make of myself.
I would be lying if I said I still wasn't scared.
but there is hope in everything, including me. and I just have to count on that.
After all, I am still here.
*sigh*
The last 4 days away from everything has been heavenly.
Finally - I can take a breath.
'Been making to do lists each day so as to be productive with
the rare free time that I have. It's been helpful and has helped me
to better understand the rut I have been in over the last year.
every day I go to work only to waste my time, energy
and emotions worrying about all the things I have to accomplish
with the limits of an 8-hour work day.
on top of that, there is the odd (or lack of)relationship I have to deal with at work.
In retrospect, the work itself isn't the problem, but rather this particular relationship.
Truly, if there was more trust, communication and acceptance, life would not be so horrible.
but perhaps what has made things even more challenging
is that I had not figured out a way to get myself out.
I had not figured out what i truly wanted, nor did i take many steps to get there.
that's what was missing.
that's what made me feel trapped and fueled the
awful cycle I was dying to get out of.
I think I've known this all along.
I know fear had a lot to do with my apprehension to make certain moves.
With everything that the world has shown me this year,
I've come to realize (in a different and more real light) that change is the only constant.
And while there are no guarantees in choices or steps you make,
the only thing you have control of is in how you prepare for change.
Quite honestly, it is scary. Scary as hell.
When auntie passed away, so many things went through my head.
One thought was that now there is one less person to take care of me.
As independent as I am and even though I've spent all these years
freeing myself from my parent's rules and expectations,
I realize what a blessing it is to always have some one to look after you.
So here I am again, being challenged to ride my bike without training wheels.
Or at least it feels like it.
New eyes, new perspective, new challenges and expectations...
I officially feel like I am delving into a new realm in this chapter of me.
One thing is for sure: I am HUNGRY for CHANGE! (no, not the kind that jingles!)
I used to think that even-numbered years were better than the odd-numbered ones.
But even with some of the awful things that transpired in 2003, some great things
also came to be.
My conclusion: from here on out, the world is just gonna be as real as it wants to be,
odd-numbered year or not.
but it is ultimately up to me to determine how I deal with it
and what I make of myself.
I would be lying if I said I still wasn't scared.
but there is hope in everything, including me. and I just have to count on that.
After all, I am still here.
*sigh*
Friday, January 02, 2004
11:16 p.m.
a cleansing down-pour to start the new year
it's so nice to have a day off...make that two days off including the weekend.
I woke up this morning at about 10am to the sound of
rain outside our window.
the bf didn't want to get up yet, so I decided to stay in bed
a little longer to keep him company.
'said a little prayer for auntie and then
'started reading Tuesdays With Morrie, which my brother dropped off
yesterday.
this kept me busy for a good hour.
then around 11 am, me and the bf couldn't help but get out
from under the covers to look outside our bedroom window.
it was pouring like crazy by now and we just had to see for ourselves.
as we looked on, we were both on the same wavelength as we
simultaneously thought about the homeless people that
may be caught up in all of the rain.
suddenly I felt guilty for the roof over my head.
then, we walked to the living room and opened our front door.
i got tired of looking at the deluge through our crummy screen.
the storm reminded both of us of the bagiuos in the Philippines.
I remembered the house we lived in in Makati with the tall concrete
barricade you had to walk over
in order to reach our front door.
as odd as it was, it made sense to have it there
since there was apparently a lot of flooding on our street.
we eventually closed the door and cuddled
in our blankets on the couch while we watched the
J. Timberlake concert on our DVD.
our new year's breakfast consisted of a chimichanga
(those ones that come 20 a bag at Costco)
and water. how original, huh?
we finally pulled ourselves away from the tube to
carry on with the rest of our plans for the day.
ironically, by this time, the rain had ceased.
i think the downpour literally lasted for at least 4-5 hours.
maybe more.
i decided to start on balancing my checkbook
but ended up having a long discussion with the bf about what
health insurance we should purchase.
it sucks to be an adult sometimes as i'd much rather be discussing
what new color to paint our master bedroom.
but the day went on anyway.
i didn't finish paying the bills or balancing my checkbook,
but I did manage to go to the gym,
watch a little bit of "Gone With the Wind" on TBS,
go to the grocery store,
and blog.
hmmm...sounds like a pretty full day to me!
ringing in the new year
unlike last year when me and the bf decided last minute to
watch the fireworks display from Treasure Island,
this year, we had a nice quite evening together.
we needed it badly!
it has been a challenge to spend any quality time together
over these last couple of months.
both of our brains have been consumed with things other than eachother.
and it doesn't help that I've been working too many hours
or that each of us has been sick and injured.
I'm telling you, this year has been wayyy too real.
we decided on having a nice dinner at Venezia Cafe in Berkeley - my favorite restaurant.
we got there at around 5:30p just before the crowd.
we were lucky to have even had a chance to eat dinner at their bar area
because they were booked solid.
as usual, the food was delicious and cooked to perfection.
I ordered my usual: linguine with prawns and the house salad.
the bf ordered their ravioli with pesto, which was damn good.
I'm telling you, you can't go wrong with anything you order there.
we also had their fried calamari for appetizer.
it was so good to be able to spend quality time
talking, reminiscing, laughing.
made me realize that nothing was worth missing this kind
of time with my bf. nothing.
instead of stuffing our faces, we had our extra food packed up
and made room for dessert. you HAVE to make room for dessert
at Venezia, particularly for my favorite: torte gelato.
it is heaven. plain heaven.
i secretly wished for my own piece instead of sharing one with my bf. ;)
we talked more on the ride home.
we stopped off at Blockbuster and rented a couple of DVD's:
- Office Space (one of the most hilarious movies I've seen) and
- The Royal Tenenbaums (liked this one a lot, too. I like how it flowed like a book.)
we had planned to do our usual tradition of welcoming the new year, but were too tired.
then for some reason, i had a sudden surge of energy and changed my mind.
so, with 2 minutes before midnight, me and the bf rushed to open all of the doors, lights and windows.
It was quite the workout for me as I haven't set foot in a gym for weeks.
we accomplished our feat with 45 seconds left and then we counted down with Dick Clark
and his "Rockin' Eve" crew on the tube: 10-9-8-....1...happy new year!!!!
We both jumped up and down (in hopes that I would grow...even a couple more inches) and
later called our families to wish them a happy new year.
as suspected, both of our parents were asleep. thank goodness my brother woke up our parents 10
minutes before the countdown.
we called a few other friends and even received a nice call from my
drunk cousin who was as happy as a clam.
thank goodness for that.
wow...can't believe it is midnight again as i type.
it's amazing how quickly time passes sometimes.
there's still so much more to write, but guess I'll save it for later.
happy new year to everyone who reads this!
may you all find peace, happiness, love, wisdom and hope in the coming year. :)
a cleansing down-pour to start the new year
it's so nice to have a day off...make that two days off including the weekend.
I woke up this morning at about 10am to the sound of
rain outside our window.
the bf didn't want to get up yet, so I decided to stay in bed
a little longer to keep him company.
'said a little prayer for auntie and then
'started reading Tuesdays With Morrie, which my brother dropped off
yesterday.
this kept me busy for a good hour.
then around 11 am, me and the bf couldn't help but get out
from under the covers to look outside our bedroom window.
it was pouring like crazy by now and we just had to see for ourselves.
as we looked on, we were both on the same wavelength as we
simultaneously thought about the homeless people that
may be caught up in all of the rain.
suddenly I felt guilty for the roof over my head.
then, we walked to the living room and opened our front door.
i got tired of looking at the deluge through our crummy screen.
the storm reminded both of us of the bagiuos in the Philippines.
I remembered the house we lived in in Makati with the tall concrete
barricade you had to walk over
in order to reach our front door.
as odd as it was, it made sense to have it there
since there was apparently a lot of flooding on our street.
we eventually closed the door and cuddled
in our blankets on the couch while we watched the
J. Timberlake concert on our DVD.
our new year's breakfast consisted of a chimichanga
(those ones that come 20 a bag at Costco)
and water. how original, huh?
we finally pulled ourselves away from the tube to
carry on with the rest of our plans for the day.
ironically, by this time, the rain had ceased.
i think the downpour literally lasted for at least 4-5 hours.
maybe more.
i decided to start on balancing my checkbook
but ended up having a long discussion with the bf about what
health insurance we should purchase.
it sucks to be an adult sometimes as i'd much rather be discussing
what new color to paint our master bedroom.
but the day went on anyway.
i didn't finish paying the bills or balancing my checkbook,
but I did manage to go to the gym,
watch a little bit of "Gone With the Wind" on TBS,
go to the grocery store,
and blog.
hmmm...sounds like a pretty full day to me!
ringing in the new year
unlike last year when me and the bf decided last minute to
watch the fireworks display from Treasure Island,
this year, we had a nice quite evening together.
we needed it badly!
it has been a challenge to spend any quality time together
over these last couple of months.
both of our brains have been consumed with things other than eachother.
and it doesn't help that I've been working too many hours
or that each of us has been sick and injured.
I'm telling you, this year has been wayyy too real.
we decided on having a nice dinner at Venezia Cafe in Berkeley - my favorite restaurant.
we got there at around 5:30p just before the crowd.
we were lucky to have even had a chance to eat dinner at their bar area
because they were booked solid.
as usual, the food was delicious and cooked to perfection.
I ordered my usual: linguine with prawns and the house salad.
the bf ordered their ravioli with pesto, which was damn good.
I'm telling you, you can't go wrong with anything you order there.
we also had their fried calamari for appetizer.
it was so good to be able to spend quality time
talking, reminiscing, laughing.
made me realize that nothing was worth missing this kind
of time with my bf. nothing.
instead of stuffing our faces, we had our extra food packed up
and made room for dessert. you HAVE to make room for dessert
at Venezia, particularly for my favorite: torte gelato.
it is heaven. plain heaven.
i secretly wished for my own piece instead of sharing one with my bf. ;)
we talked more on the ride home.
we stopped off at Blockbuster and rented a couple of DVD's:
- Office Space (one of the most hilarious movies I've seen) and
- The Royal Tenenbaums (liked this one a lot, too. I like how it flowed like a book.)
we had planned to do our usual tradition of welcoming the new year, but were too tired.
then for some reason, i had a sudden surge of energy and changed my mind.
so, with 2 minutes before midnight, me and the bf rushed to open all of the doors, lights and windows.
It was quite the workout for me as I haven't set foot in a gym for weeks.
we accomplished our feat with 45 seconds left and then we counted down with Dick Clark
and his "Rockin' Eve" crew on the tube: 10-9-8-....1...happy new year!!!!
We both jumped up and down (in hopes that I would grow...even a couple more inches) and
later called our families to wish them a happy new year.
as suspected, both of our parents were asleep. thank goodness my brother woke up our parents 10
minutes before the countdown.
we called a few other friends and even received a nice call from my
drunk cousin who was as happy as a clam.
thank goodness for that.
wow...can't believe it is midnight again as i type.
it's amazing how quickly time passes sometimes.
there's still so much more to write, but guess I'll save it for later.
happy new year to everyone who reads this!
may you all find peace, happiness, love, wisdom and hope in the coming year. :)