so i did it.
i finally sent in my cover letter and resume
to a job opening.
it's taken me a while...try 1 year...
but i suppose it is better late than never.

it feels good to finally have taken that step.
it's like that first hurdle before the flood
gates open.
I applied for a Program Assistant position
with this organization that provides
workshops, seminars and classes to further
the professional development of people working
in the non-profits.

i've been r eading this book that my friend told me
about: "how to find the work you love".
i did it to find some direction, some inspiration.
while reading it i began to realize that i pretty much
already knew what i wanted in my career.
for example, i think i've always known
that i really need to be in a place
that i believe in in order to wholeheartedly
invest myself.

my job right now could have been that way, but
there just is no inspiration for me to do better.
and it's more clear to me now that it is because
it is somebody else's show. somebody else must
always have control of the situation. someone
else's style is what matters most. there really
is no value in my ideas.

i just can't be in a place like this.

however, i suppose the reason why i have lasted
so long there is because it is cush - cush in the
sense that i don't really have to be creative,
i just have to DO the job.

i'm just happy that i finally took the second step
(i suppose the first one is wanting to get out of my situation).
For today i won't worry.
I'll be spending the day at Great America!

til next time.

12:31am

i'm about ready to go to bed, but i wanted to write
since i've been neglecting my blog.

'just finished winding down my day with a nice shower.
thank goodness today ended nicely as it began
in quite the icky state. 2 words: WORK SUCKS!
I want out!

i decided to make myself feel better and have
some filipino food for lunch: fried bangus and pinakbet.
even though i only had a 30 min lunch today (since i wanted
to leave my hell hole of a job by 5p), it was a nice treat.
i even bumped into a college friend who i haven't seen in
a long time.

then, for my 10 min break in the afternoon,
i decided to treat myself again. this time,
i treated myself to a yummy oatmeal & raisin
cookie from Specialty's. i sat on some steps
and people-watched while i enjoyed my afternoon
treat.

it's nice to indulge in simple pleasures such as that.
a little quiet time is so therapeautic...especially
when you're munching on a cookie ;).
i was actually thinking the same thing while doing yoga tonight.
i realized that my 1 hour in that class
is such a get-away from the hustle and bustle of everything.
i made it a point to make today's yoga session a good one.

for now, mr. sandman is ready to whisk me off to sleepy land.
i can barely keep my eyes open.

til next time...

10:58p

belated anniversary dinner

'just came home about an hour and a half ago from the city.
my uncle and i treated my parents to a belated
wedding anniversary celebration. my 7-month pregnant cousin and brother were also there to help my parents celebrate.

we decided on eating at E & O Trading Company.
everying was delicious!! we made do with a "tapas" style meal and it worked really well, especially with me and my low carb diet. by the way, the chicken and asian pear salad was really yummy. then again, i guess you really can't go wrong with anything on the menu. it's a place much like my favorite restaurant, Venezia Cafe, where there is quality food all around.

my brother pretty much took care of finishing up all the plates. it was nice to see him enjoy his meal, since he can be a picky eater. he doesn't always like what mom and dad make at home, so he's always settling for whatever he can get his hands on.

it was a nice time...just like usual with our two families.

new steps

so saturday will be the first class i will take for my event & meeting planning certificate. i'm pretty excited about it since i've always wanted to take this series of classes at San Francisco State. thank goodness i still can use my americorps education award, cause there's no way i could afford a thousand dollars in tuition.

i'm not quite sure where i want to go with my learning, but I've always enjoyed
event planning. i just hope it can spark a little more light into my
current un-inspired state.

11:20am

I am on my 10-minute break trying to activate my new cell phone.
i figured I might as well blog while i wait.
Work has taken a different turn yet again.
This time, we were handed timesheets to record our
comings and goings.
After over a year of working here without
having to fill one out,
for me,
this is plain and simply a message that
I am not trusted.

I'm not kicking and screaming about it, though.
It's just yet another confirmation for me
that my ass better get crackin' on movin' on from
this place.
Unfortunately, my poor co-worker had to get
caught up in this mix, too.
I feel bad cause up to now she was feeling ok
working here.
Oh well, that's just what happens in these
kinds of office culture.

the prince reigns

last friday, I WENT TO THE PRINCE CONCERT!!!!
WOO HOOO!!!!
Really. I think life is pretty much complete.

I still can't believe that I actually saw him
in person...just 12 rows away, on stage.
He's a handsome little thing.
But seriously...the man is perhaps one of THEE
BEST performers I've ever seen.

Unfortunately, my BF couldn't join me.

icky sicky

been feeling icky since this afternoon.
i think i caught some kind of head cold
that is working its way through my sinuses.
after typing this blog entry, i think i will
curl up in bed and read until i fall asleep.

"monthly" get together

finally, after about 3-4 months of planning,
my ex-co-workers and i had our "monthly" dinner this evening.
it was a short but definitey sweet time catching up
over my favorite Zachary's stuffed (Chicago style) pizza.
I haven't been there in almost a year, so it was most definitely
a nice treat.
Besides, i love being in Oakland/Berkeley area.
it is probably my favorite place to be
in the bay area. I guess you could say it is
my second home since it was my old stomping grounds
back in my college days.

as usual, all of us did our updates.
N and D now work in the east bay - D got a job at Cal.
And J is a grad student at Cal.
Go Bears!
It's great to see that they all are in different chapters
in their lives.
I cannot wait to have the same feeling of moving on.
I am counting the days!

I'll tell ya, though, just being in that area
gets me all energized.
there is a certain vibe that this area has
which I have yet to find in any other place in the bay area.
Aside from the lack of parking and congested city streets,
it's probably one of the most ideal places to live.

It's kinda like New York in that people
are more liberated to do/be who they want to be.
there's also a greater sense of community and ownership
of community.

I just wish we had more time to spend there tonight.


trying to find the work i love

so, for almost 10 years now i've been looking high and low
for that space, that niche, in this life
where my passions and talents intersect with a need in the community.

so far, i have followed my heart and my passions
to help me choose my next path/job/career
and except for my latest choice in jobs,
I have been satisfied.

I started off back in college by taking a semester off
to explore the world of community work.
Since there weren't any formal internship
programs in my area of interest (unlike with the engineering dept. and
other technical or mainstream majors)
I made up my own.
I got a part-time gig assisting with the Early Academic Outreach Program
on campus and
another part-time gig doing direct service as an after-school care assistant
at a local elementary school.

I enjoyed my time off from school
observing and being a part of the community/youth/education arena.
through my involvment with PASS (a Pilipino recruitment and retention center) on campus
and my classes in education and social justice,
I had a vision of what I wanted to dedicate my life's work to.
Of course, at that time I was not yet able to articulate it quite as clearly.

It feels good to re-trace my steps here because, quite frankly,
i think i have forgotten the inspirations and passions that led me onto
this path in the first place.
Ahhh...to be younger and less jaded.

I remember the excitement of taking those education classes,
especially the one on race, class and gender in education.
That was probably one of my favorite classes, and I'm not just
saying that because my professor was hot. Seriously.

Then, there was my 4.5 years working in an AmeriCorps program -
first as a corps member and then as a staff member.
I guess you could say that was my first hands-on experience
learning about the non-profit structure/organization.
I thoroughly enjoyed the whole community-based, grassroots
thing.
It definitely felt more liberating because there was so much space to
create, re-create, build, etc. All of us in that organization
had the power to define what we were about - and we did.

We had values and visions of what our community should be
and we did what we could to honor and bring to reality those values and visions.
my experience there was, by far, the most empowering.
i was challenged, supported, loved, encouraged and inspired by everyone.

there is more to this thought process but I will have to continue later. I'm feeling icky again.

aunt flow's worst visit

yesterday's visit had me completely incapacitated,
to say the least.
the combination of my aching back from our terrible
mattress plus the icky crampiness of aunt flow's visit
PLUS the excruciating heat wave literally
knocked me out for the entire day.

seriously, I wish this 90-degree heat wave would end soon.
I've never really been a fan of extremely hot weather.
i called in sick today to recover some more, but
it w as so hot in the house that I just had to
be where there is air conditioning.

so, i drove myself to the local library.
i had to borrow a book anyway.
for some reason this weekend i was all about
acquiring books.
I bought the Harry Potter book 5 and
Dude Where's My Country from Target.
They were on sale, so I thought, "why not?"
I almost bought Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and
this Atkin's recipe book but I had to stop myself.

Today, I checked out a book that my friend, Sil,
recommended: How to Find the Work You Love.
I swear, the title is like the theme of my life
ever since I graduated college!
I'm kinda antsy to get something out of this book.
I suppose that is why i was a little fidgety
when i was trying to read it in the library.

I guess I'm just being impatient because
I want to get out of my current work situation already.

ops...gotta go. dad's calling....

New Blogger

Welcome to new blogger, Doug! Can't wait to continue being inspired by his journey as a Peace Corps volunteer.

black snake

last night i had the strangest dream
that me and 3 friends were at a party
where everyone freaked out cause there
was a black snake loose in the house.

everyone ran in different directions to
get away from the scary little thing.
unfortunately, it had caught up with one of my
friends in the dream.
It slid up the back of her shirt.
And surprisingly, I yanked it out.
It then planted its nasty fangs in my fingers
whereby I had to rip it out (along with the
skin on my fingers). It was so odd!!

afterwards, I woke up. It was 5am.
I NEVER get up at that hour - not even when I want to.
In any case, I couldn't sleep so i stayed up reading
the Oprah Magazine on my nightstand.

Damn, I must be under some serious stress
cause I remembered dreaming about some other
super random stuff. I suppose my mind
was just unloading, releasing all that stress
from the week. Thank goodness for that cause
I plan on enjoying this lovely 3-day weekend. :)


me and shar's aa meeting - or something like that

perhaps my long chat session with Shar prompted my crazy dream.
she and i talked for 3 hours about one of
the things we have in common.
Poor woman, since she's all the way in the east coast, that meant
that she didn't get off the phone until midnight!

our conversation was like a nice big therapy session -
something I've been needing for a while now.
I suppose that is why i have been feeling like there's
been this funky cloud hanging over my head - I just
haven't been able to process this crazy thing that
I've been going through.

unfortunately, shar has been experiencing the same madness.
but fortunately for me, she can understand.
thanks to her, I was able to get that "stuff" out of my head
and hand it over to the universe.
I hope she felt a little of the same.

As much as I try to not let it affect me, it does.
It has been affecting me for years.
It's just good to be able to let it go completely -
even for just a moment - to someone else who can understand.

Thanks, girlfriend!!!

"the state of my world today"

'couldn't think of a better title, so I just
used a line from the janet jackson that's playing in my head.
it works well, me thinks.

the low-carb diet that I've been following
has been groovy, except for last week through today.
'went to L.A. for our friends' wedding and i think
i may have fallen off the wagon a little.

nothing crazy except I am fast-developing
these cravings for fried chicken with the breading.
needless to say it goes against my low-carb diet
with all the flour and stuff on it.
It's also, OF COURSE, super bad for my heart since it is fried.

'been kinda feeling on the low-low lately, too
and it's been making those cravings for fried chicken worse.
Just yesterday, I wolfed down a 6-piece chicken McNugget with
diet coke and a side salad.
yikes...'gotta get that under control.
I'm always feeling' bloated now and
my stomach feels like a huge seedless watermelon...
like the kind we buy at the farmer's market.

I suppose that I am just stuck in the same old rut again,
but I'd rather not get into it here.
Besides, it doesn't much help me keep moving forward.

Currently, I am typing this blog at my desk at work.
I didn't eat breakfast at 9am (when I get into work)
so i started feasting around 11am when I should have
left for the gym for an hour. I can tell my blood
sugar is not as steady as last week since I'm always
freakin' hungry for stuff.

Ugh...it sucks to be walking around like a zombie!
I am praying for the light to shine on me sooner
than later.
I suppose it's really all up to me, though.

In any case, 'been enjoying reading another book
that my co-worker let me borrow.
Perhaps I should go outside today and read it for my
lunch hour.

I feel like i am just rambling on now, so i best
be gettin' on with the rest of the day.

Til next time