maybe it was the french toast
my friend, cyn, has always been one of thee most
genuine, down-to-earth, positive, extraordinary people
i am blessed to know.
She is one of those friends (and there are very few out there)
that everyone should have in this world.
Cyn is one of those friends who not only inspires you
but also creates community between all the people in her life.

sunday brunch at rick & ann's was no different.
for the first time, i met 3 of the women who have played a significant role
in Cyn's life.
i guess i shouldn't have been surprised that i would feel so comfortable with
all of them...Cyn talks about each of them all the time.
but the best part was that all of them were such
amazing, down-to-earth, genuine people...just like Cyn.
i've always believed in the phenomenon that "you attract
people who are just like you".
this time around, though, the magnitude of it all was telling
of just how unique and amazing ms. cyn truly is.

of course, there are more details yet to share with one another
to complete our information banks of eachother's lives.
but the vibe and energy...man...it's there. 'kinda overpowering even.
I should have looked around for a blue bird, just in case.
Cyn tells me that whenever "miraculous-type" stuff happens,
it's usually a sign from her dad and a blue bird will appear.
It was his favorite kind of bird.

my "pinsan-ster"
the last time i remember talking to my cousin Warren was
when i visited them back in 1997.
what a nice surprise it was to get an e-mail request from him
to add me as his "prend"-ster.


"90" years old
it was my cousin-in-law's idea to do it,
so while lighting my mom's b-day candles
at her mini b-day dinner on saturday,
i inverted the 6 candle so that it read "90".
hehehe...the look on her face was priceless!

after blowing out her candles, mom
was in disbelief that she was actually 60 already.
truly, I was too.
but my parents will never look old until they are really old.
they still have that same spirit as they did
when I was a kid.
they still say the same dumb jokes,
do the same silly things,
it's like they have never changed.

I'm glad my brother and i decided to cook dinner
at my house instead of taking mom out to a fancy
restaurant.
of course, we invited Uncle and family, as well as Tita b and Uncle G (the nicest people).
the ladies were not able to come, but their significant
others (my cousin-in-laws) were there to
chow down with us and introduce me to
the hilarity of the Dave Chapell Show.
Have you seen the VD episode? GAWD, that was the best!

brother and i were knee deep in carmelized onions
that looked more like sauer kraut
and fried shrimp batter that coated our fingers.
I swear, if we cut off our fingers and fried them,
they would look just like the fried shrimp we were preparing.

for dinner, me and brother tried a new chicken recipe
from my Bon Apetit magazine. We also bought some
Frutti di Mare pasta, spicy arrabiata pizza and garlic mashed
potatoes from Buca Di Beppo to round out our
very rustic meal.

The family gathering would not be complete without
someone pestering me...Uncle, not accustomed to
watching someone (me and brother) still cooking 1 hour before
the guests are to arrive, was getting "stressed" out.
hehehe...
thank goodness he went with mom and dad for an hour
to the local Pilipino bakery to buy some pan de sal, biko and
leche flan. he was more stressed out than we were! ;)
I just fed him peanuts and coke when he came back and dinner wasn't ready yet.

funny, it's those small fleeting moments that adds dimension to life.

transported
i would say that 80% of my bf's day is spent working on photography
related stuff.
it's an everyday part of his life now as well as mine.
his images on the wall are an integral part of our environment,
even the ones that seem to clutter up various areas of our house!

it wasn't until friday night at his school's spring exhibit
that i realized how common his photography had become in my life -
so much so that i think i take it for granted sometimes.
while playing "spy" near his photos to listen and experience people's
reactions to his images, i found myself getting lost in them.

One image in particular, "Ocean View", transported me back to our day at
Pfeifer Beach off the coast of Big Sur. It's a picture of two blue birds
sitting on top of a fence with the light blue of the sky and the royal blue
of the ocean in the background. It's now become one of my favorites.

There is something about that picture
that makes me linger when i look at it. I guess it's the blue
in the ocean...brings me a sense of calm.
It's the way the light blue and royal blue meet, 'kinda like a Mark
Rothko painting - they are some of my favorite.
It's also the blue birds....they remind me of Cyn's dad and the fact
that he loved blue birds and visiting Monterey/Carmel with Cyn's mom.

More than anything, the image transports me back
to me and the bf's 5 days together exploring the many
recesses of Monterey Bay back in July.
That was our time to regain our sense of "ground" together.
Things had been so hectic, pulling each of us in different directions.
Thank goodness we found what we needed...new perspective, life, peace.
It's probably one of the most significant times I've shared with him
...it was yet another one of those fleeting moments that adds dimension to my existence.

and it makes me appreciate my bf even more.
not only is he able to capture such beautiful images,
he is also able to capture the depth and emotion of that moment in time.
priceless.

if only i could blink my eyes and twitch my nose so i could transport myself
back to that bench overlooking the "Ocean View".


[it's such a breath of fresh air to be able to write about nice things....]

5:13p

I had this sudden urge to blog today.
GAWD! it feels like centuries since I've written!
Maybe that's why I often feel like I'm just "floating"
through life these days.
I guess it's always better to use this space to process things.
Gives everything more meaning and value.

I am currently at work just dying to go home for the day.
I have a lot of work still to finish, but my brain has been really
sluggish these last 2 days.
I haven't worked overtime in a while, so my body and mind
are simply not conditioned for it.
Hence, I am using my "spare" time to finally blog.

it's like when you find a dollar bill in your pocket that you forgot about
I guess one of the reasons why I was a bit unfocused at work today
is because I found out that I could access some extra money
from a very unlikely place.
'Turns out that the education award that I earned from working in the 'corps
can also be used to pay for any living expenses incurred from taking classes.

This means that not only can I use part of my
education award to pay for tuition for the massage class
I am taking, i can also request money for any other costs
I incur while taking the class (i.e. class materials, books,
transportation/housing costs, a new computer, a new calculator,etc.).
AND, I don't even need to submit a detail of what the money
will be used for!
Hello! A little chump change for my NY trip!

I do feel guilt of course...using free money
that is supposed to go towards education expenses.
But if I earned it, shouldn't I receive it even if I may
use it for other things that I need?
Hell, I worked for $6.50/hour for 10 months for the 'corps
and supported the program as a part of the staff for another 4 years.
Shouldn't that be justification enough?
I guess the only valid question is, will I feel good about myself?

I guess I won't feel 100% proud of myself
for doing it, but really and truly I need it.
Besides, I work like a dog making very little extra
for savings.
shit, I barely HAVE a savings.
Under the circumstances, it's more a matter of necessity than anything.

I will still continue to use my ed award for education expenses.
I want to take a boat-load more of massage classes
and maybe some other social work classes at State, so it's not
like I am totally abusing it. I just don't want it all to go to waste, as
I only have until June 2005 to use it...all $4,000 of it.
Damn, that can help with my debts alone!

Anyhow, it's already 5:30, so I better be going.
my body starts getting this icky feeling when I am
here past 5p. Conditioned response I guess! ;)

More later...

bad blogger
man, I've been away too long.
I figured that I should probably check in since I have a little time
to spare.
it's not like I never have time, but my brain has been pre-occupied with too much stuff.
anyway, it's nice to be back for a little bit.

the good news
I'm so happy for my cousin who just gave birth to one of my
cutest nephews ever!!!! welcome to the world, Dylan!

Welcome also to a new Cal bear cub, Nicholas! (another nephew)
Even though your mom and dad say the massage I gave your mommy helped you come out,
I know it was probably just you coming out on your own time.
What an honor it was for me to help play a small part in your arrival!
It is by far the best experiences I've ever had as a massage therapist.
I am so humbled.

I also heard news that one of my favorite couples just got engaged.
Congrats, Sil and D!!!

Oh and last but not least, I got asked to be a bridesmaid for one of my
oldest and dearest friends, Cyn's, wedding.

Would you believe I heard news of the last three items within the same weekend?!
I hope this means this year is turning around for the better.

random updates
besides being a complete and utter lagger with my blog,
life on the outside is rolling along.
since my last entry, my work situation has finally taken a positive turn.
I took on yet another new perspective.
it's kinda one of those thing where you just get sick and tired of being stuck in the
same place day after day, so you have no choice but to change.
I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I can only control
so much of some of the things that aggravate me at work.
so now, i try to focus on what I can control
and simply don't beat myself up anymore when certain things
don't go my way.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my bad days.
i just try not to let them get to me as much anymore.

even better still, me and the bf spent the weekend together...
painting!
we re-painted the master bedroom and can I just tell you how much
more I LOVE that space now that I don't have to walk
into a super bright orange room.
It's amazing how colors can affect your mood.
I'm happy to say that the room is now a relaxing muted/light grey color with a hint of muted blue.
Ahhhhh....it's pure heaven.
and we left an entire humongous wall empty so that we could fill it up with our own
home made acrylic paintings on canvas.
It's our "art wall".
can't wait to start working on it.

and yesterday was the bf's b-day.
took him out to dinner at this singaporean/malaysian/thai restaurant.
the food was amazing and the decor transported you out of the 'burbs.
I didn't know it was possible for there to be a place like this where we live.
I seriously felt like i was in a restaurant in the mission district of the city.

where am i now?
I still feel like I'm just floating for the most part.
At least I'm heading in a direction, but I think I just need to be more proactive on certain things.

I'm loving reading my cousin's blog and seeing/learning about my new nephew, Dylan.
He's absolutely heavenly...the cutest little thing ever!
I just think to myself what an amazing and challenging journey my cousin and her husband
have ahead of them.
I just wish I were closer so that i could experience Dylan growing up.

I am often feeling antsy about moving forward with my life.
I just get so overwhelmed with what I have to do sometimes
that I end up not doing anything at all.
I think that I am still just trying to manage all of my "adult"
responsibilities, which is sometimes a pain in the ass.
I just wish sometimes that there was a manual on how
to DEAL period.

I still miss my Auntie Linda.
I still cry like a baby when certain things I see, hear, smell evoke thoughts of her.
Especially now that Measure A passed in Alameda County to help pay for the
deficit in the county medical center, I think about her.
I think, if it wasn't for her passing, none of this would be taken seriously.