and the fire has been lit....

under my ass!
yes, once again the ignorance of the priveleged few
shows its head in my workplace and it has created
quite the ripple effect on me and my socially conscious colleagues.

thanks to my co-worker and friend, who stood up to the
ignorant, condescending biYAtch, i have been awakened from
my nicey-nicey ways. oh yeah, it's ON, mutha fucka!

my only question is: how do i fight? who do i fight?
the best solution to fighting social injustice has always eluded me.
but we shall see....

I wanted to take a moment to reflect on
the hero who has been all over the news:
James Kim.
I didn't know him but I (and my baby)
have been so touched by his story of
heroism which ultimately led to his
passing.

He was only 35. And when I watch the CNET
podcasts that he'd done, I can't help but
think how he could easily have been someone
I hung out with as a friend. He's part of
my generation and a lot like the friends I'm close
to.

What strikes me most about him is his dedication
to his passion in life (technology) and his family.
Integrity is such a rare thing that I see in people
these days. It makes me reflect on my own
integrity and how to improve upon it.

What amazes me more is that, even in crisis,
James Kim's integrity (his dedication and love
for his family) still shined through.
How else could he have decided to
brave the freezing temperatures of
that mountain pass to seek help for
his wife and 2 daughters?

It's no wonder that his story
made national headlines.
Last night I thought to myself,
"what an appropriate way to pass on for him -
as a hero."
I suppose he probably has been one all of his life,
and how appropriate it is that we are celebrating him
(now on a national level) as such.

When I grow up, I hope to have the same
type of integrity, light and passion
for life as he did.
While I am incredibly saddened about this
tragedy,
I am just as, if not more, inspired by the
kind of person James was.

Thanks, James and the Kim family, for this gift of hope
in showing us, through your life and actions in this tragedy,
the limitless potential in our humanity.

God speed.

I had a fabulous time with family during
Thanksgiving and the 4-day weekend.
My little homie (nephew) is now 3.5 months
and is clearly developing like crazy.
Every movement he makes, every baby babble
he speaks, I can just tell how much more
he is developing mentally and physically.

He's a chubby little one.
And his eyes....LORD! His eyes will
make you melt.
He's got a determined spirit about him,
which I experience everytime he struggles
to roll over on his stomach (particularly
towards the right side. he's a pro on the left.).
And yet he doesn't cry or complain.
Man, who could not be inspired?

And he babbles on and on, particularly with
his dad (my brother) and his grandfather (my dad).
Watching and listening to him in conversation with them
makes me think that
he is really trying to relay a message to them specifically.
Sometimes I think he is relaying messages from heaven.
(I have this theory that babies are really angels
brought down from the heavens
to set us straight.)

let's face it. it am procrastinating.
but i haven't written in my blog for some
time either, so why not?

i'm listening to the Avril Lavigne song
that reminds me of my auntie. it just came on
my baby's speakers.
I feel her presence now and am sending her
my love and thanks. i still miss her.

tomorrow is her 3-year death anniversary.
and i almost forgot about the rosary at Uncle's. boo.
I need to stop by tomorrow at some point.

last weekend was faboooo.
'spent the ENTIRE weekend with my
homie, my little nephew boo-boo.
man, he is too cute now.
he's got my brother's eyes,
his momma's cheeks, nose and lips
and a penchant for conversation like my dad.
as a matter of fact, he chats (baby-talks) to my dad
the most out of any of us.

it was really nice to be able to
spend time with boo-boo
to forge a connection.
he smiles like crazy now.
while standing in line at IKEA,
he blessed me with 5 minutes of
non-stop smiles and laughter as he
responded to my repeated question:
"sino ka? ha? sino ka?"
man, the exchange just melted my heart!
GAWD that kid is too friggin' CUTE!
gigil to the max talaga!

uh oh...'forgot that I left my
lunch out. better go clean it up before
the ants come.

c . a . l . m

October was quite the whirlwind, which ended
this past weekend with my friend's wedding.
I helped coordinate the day's festivities,
which was seamless - my friend definitely
knows how to plan well.

I think my favorite part was working with the various
vendors, musicians and players involved. The wedding
industry is kind of an interesting one. And if you
choose your partnerships well, you get a nice
cohesive community of service providers who really
care about how your event turns out. My friend
was lucky to have that.

I also enjoyed relating with the guests.
It's amazing how appreciative people are of you,
even if they just met you that day.
It's a nice perk of working these things.
But I always remind them that I don't deserve
the full praise. I am just the executor.
It was the bride and groom who planned the day well.

I had an Italy reminder while I was at the church ceremony.
I was waiting at the entrance for a vendor. We called him
the "bird man", because he supplied the doves that would
be released by the bride and groom at the end of the ceremony.

While waiting there, it reminded me of my friend's
wedding in Positano, Italy. For most of the
ceremony, I, too waited in the back for a vendor.
It was the guy who supplied the flower petals that
we through at the bride and groom at the end of the ceremony
as they exited the church.

The memory gave me a nice feeling.
People were so nice to us in Italy, too.
All of the vendors there were so welcoming and warm.
It was like working with family.
And even though most of them did not understand
a lick of English, they understood
perfectly well how to work together
and were so dedicated to making sure
everything went off without a hitch.

[sigh]...I miss Italy. :(

the Santa Anna winds were blowing hard today.
i was nearly blinded by the debris
that kept getting in my eyes on my walk at lunch.
it was odd how hard the debris landed on my
boss's office window. the wind doesn't usually
pick up that much crap.

it's midnight and we're still watching tv:
Discovery Atlas: Australia.
I'm diggin' on this series.
Unfortunately, we missed the Italy episode, but
luckily, my baby found that we can download it
from the 'net.

Ate wayyy too much chocolate today. At least
it was the dark kind. I really should have worked out.
I was actually feeling a little restless.
not quite sure why, but i suspect
that it was due to the carb-loaded breakfast I had
this morning. It was healthy, but probably
a bit more sugar than I needed to start my day.

a bunch of my co-workers and i took
a 4pm break and walked to the cafe nearby.
i'm really glad that more people are down
to hang out like this.
we have mostly new staff now
so I think people are more open
and want to build community and friendships
amongst eachothr.
before these new co-workers of mine arrived,
the office was just that - an office...
a quiet,non-interactive, boring office.
people just came to work, period.
there were literally only a handful of people
that kept me alive and sane.
now, 50% of our staff have livened things up.

yesterday, I worked out and found that I gained
a couple of pounds from not working out
continuously for 3-4 weeks.
i'm feeling a bit anxious about it.
i just want to be healthy, flexible and balanced.
i'm looking forward to losing my first 10-15 lbs.
i'm hoping I can accomplish it in the next month.
[cross fingers].

i was happy to speak to my nephew today.
he tries to speak more now. he's less than
3 months old, so he can't really speak, but
he reacts much more. it melted my heart
to hear him and his baby talk over the phone.
apparently, he is smiling now, too.
man, I can't wait to see him this friday.

for now, i must sleep. tomorrow is yet another day.

getting schooled on Darfur

i'm pretty bad about reading the paper
or keeping up with current events.
usually, i'm just trying to keep up
with my own responsibilities at work
and at home.

but after watching an episode of Oprah
last week with Senator Barack Obama from
Illinois, i felt it was also my responsibility
to become educated on
something he talked about: the crisis in Darfur.

i spent most of the afternoon
doing google searches and reading
as much as I could about the genocide
and ethnic cleansing that is going on in this
Sudanese region of Africa.
i was ashamed that I had not been aware of
what was going on in the world.

but i read and read and learned what i could.
it lead me to many places...even to a website
that showed how our representatives voted on
legislation that was created to support
the people of Darfur, millions of whom are refugees
and enduring starvation, rape and murder.

im going to continue to learn more about
the facts. ultimately,
my goal is to take further action to bring
more attention and resources to support
the people of Darfur and to ultimately end
the genocide.

it's a shame that we allow history to
repeat itself.

if you are reading this, please take a moment to
educate yourself:

http://www.pbs.org/frontlineworld/stories/sudan/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darfur_conflict

http://www.savedarfur.org/content?splash=yes

good morning!

ahhh...sunday.
the day my baby has the tv on all day
to football.
the day i savor and cherish every minute of
since the next day is a work day.

today, i need to work out,
clean around the house a bit
balance my check book and pay
bills, and get ready for the work week.
unfortunately, I also have to do a little
work today. ugh!
or maybe I won't. I'll see.

last night, i made a kickass
meal for dinner: baked penne with vegetables.
i got the recipe from my fav.
food network chef, Giada de Laurentiis
(Every Day Italian).
I think I ate 5 bowls of the stuff.
It was so good.
I'm planning on having some for breakfast this morning. :)

My baby's back is a little better.
He says he's going to try driving
to Trader Joe's today to do some
grocery shopping for the week.
I think I'll go with him to keep
him company and help him out if he needs
it.

My main goal today is to take care
of my body, so I'm going to indulge
in a nice long cardio work out
and an extra long stretching session.

I'm off to make us some breakfast!

process

as i usually do on my way home from work,
i blink my eyes and try to break
through the cloudiness of a full work day.
it is the beginning of my transition back
into my world.

yesterday, i was extra conscious and eager
to break away. the unnecessary drama
that unfolded at work this week really took its toll
on me. it brought to light what was more important
in my life.

the orange-purple glare of the sunset shining around me
brightened and broadened my horizon.
i remembered italy.
i remembered friends who i hadn't talked to
in months.
the clouds were finally breaking
and my hope tank was re-filling itself once again.

i thought more about what i really want to do in
my life.
and through the various twists and turns
of my thought process, I came back to
the same conclusion
i have been returning to over and over again...

art.
creativity.
i want to be involved in something
creative, and ultimately, in something that
i
LOVE.

i still haven't quite figured out what that is.
i often think it is something i am already doing
but just haven't made the connection with.
then again, maybe it is just me and
my struggle with
struggle.
it is classic me to turn away from something that inspires me
when i just cannot figure out the next step in the journey.
who knows?

the one constant is that i am back
where i have been
many times.
still searching
still struggling
to find that/those
thing(s) that make(s) me whole
and alive.

perhaps it is time for me to take stock
of myself -
the plusses and deltas.

God, i wish there was a manual on how to live your life
the way you are meant to.
wouldn't that be nice?

perhaps a change of perspective would help.
i'm thinking this is part of the solution.
perhaps i am just someone whose thirst and hunger
cannot be quenched because i want to taste
everything the world has to offer.

you would think that being older
i'd have all the answers.
am i just thinking too much?
it's hard to be so damn good
at self introspection.
i am an expert.

all i know is,I am not normal.
never have been.
never want to be.

for now, i take comfort in
the fact that to find my answers
is a process.
i just hope clarity will show itself
sooner than later.

it is amazing how far and deep
i can get in my thought
process during a typical drive home from work.

as i drove my car into my garage
and saw the lights on in my
living room window,
i was happy to be at the end of my journey.

all i could think of
was the feeling of plopping into
my baby's arms
and resting there
until the rest of the world
melts away.

and that i did.
and the rest of the world
melted away
as it always does
when i am with him.

re-start

this weekend could not come any sooner.
last week was a whirlwind of non-stop activity
and unfortunate work drama.
i have not been stressed out like that
in a long time.
all i wanted to do all week
is come home to my baby.

he is on bed-rest - doctor's orders.
he tweeked his back again - this time,
playing basketball. Lucky me gets to
play nurse for the next few days.
but after my grueling week at work, i'd
rather be at home taking care of him than
anywhere else.

Last night i bought enough groceries to
last us for the weekend. My hope is to
not leave the house at all. So far so good
until i found that we're almost out of
bottled water. oh well, so much for not leaving the house.

Nevertheless, we started the weekend with a
nice breakfast which consisted of
turkey bacon, italian egg sandwiches, and
peaches and strawberries for dessert.
Home cooked food totally hugs my soul.
I plan on cooking some more later this
afternoon. Damn, my boo is a lucky bastard! ;)

I layed out our futon mattress on the living room
floor in front of our big screen TV.
We'll camp here for the remainder of the weekend,
which is one of my favorite things to do.
While eating breakfast, we caught up on VHI's
video countdown and right now we're watching
a special on Niagara Falls. Last night
we caught up on Gray's Anatomy, Lost
and half an episode of Oprah.
Ahhh...respite!

11 pm on a tuesday night...
I should be asleep.
Aunt Flow made her monthly visit today.
I was sick yesterday, so today at
work was all about playing catch up.
The first two hours was all about
catching up just on e-mail
and then compiling my to-do list.
before I knew it, it was 11:30a.
Almost half the day was over.

I proceeded to pop a couple of tylenol
into my mouth since I felt the lovely
monthly cramps coming on and
I was still feeling icky from
my sick-day the day before. ugh...couldn't
5 pm roll in a little faster?
But even if it did, unfortunately,
my to do list would not necessarily go away.
I'm really dreading tomorrow!

I enjoyed every minute of my restful evening, though.
Me and the pa'tna finished watching the Discovery
Channel show about Brazil and today's Oprah.
Brazil is really fascinating and complex.
Talk about diversity! It is probably just
as, if not more diverse than the U.S. in terms of
race, religion, culture, geography. It is
simply amazing. Brazil is definitely a place
that I'd like to visit some day.

I think my next career goal is to become a professional
traveler. It is the only thing I can think of
that would make me completely happy and satisfied.
Hahahaha..I'm sure this would be the case for most people.

But seriously, if I had a choice between having a child right now
or traveling, I'd choose traveling.
If I had a choice between going to culinary school
(which I am very interested in doing) and traveling,
I'd choose traveling.
The question is, how do I make that happen?

Ahhh...yet another thing to ponder. I think I'll sleep on it.
Good night!

fall again

i can't believe it actually rained yesterday.
we've had at least 5-6 months of no rainfall,
which I was getting quite used to.
now, i guess i'll have to say "see ya later"
to summer and deal with shorter days
and 5pm being pitch black.

nevertheless, my new co-workers and I
made the most of our cloudy, rain-filled
day. thankfully, it didn't rain during
the lunch hour, so we made our way to
one of the best pizza places in the bay.
it's one of those small joints
that serves only one type of pizza each day.
the toppings change daily, but the yumminess of the pizza
is consistent.
it is well worth the 10 block walk from our office.

it was really nice to hang out like that.
before these new co-workers of mine arrived,
we never really did anything like this.
i like that people are down to build community.
i think, in general, most of my old co-workers are,
but we just never really made time for it.
the new folks who have come on board over the last
3 months have helped shift this very static culture
and i'm much happier for it.

i actually look forward to spending time with them during
breaks and lunch. it makes it hard to
carry on with my old routine of going to the gym at lunch.

i'm glad to finally feel like more than a drone
in my very "office-y" environment. i actually
have more people I can call my friends.

thank you, boo 1-4-3

there is something to be said
when 2 people can dig and dig and dig,
often in frustration,
in search of reconciliation and clarity
and still come out of the struggle
with an even greater desire
for a positive outcome,
for an even greater desire
to love the other more.

don't get me wrong.
the digging sucks.
it's tiring,
maddening,
and often feels fruitless - like a dog chasing its tail - when
you are knee deep in it.
but the search for truth makes it worth it.
and when two people are committed to that,
even with the roller coaster-like process,
only good can come out of it.

h.o.m.e.

...is hanging out with my boo
while listening to John Mayer tunes
blaring from his computer speakers.

I'm feeling pretty good today.
'worked out hard at the gym yesterday
and then did some stretching before I went to work today.
My legs feel stronger and I feel like I
walk with better posture.

i told myself I would lay off the bad carbs
for at least 2 weeks, starting today.
But I already messed up.
Well, at least it was with a couple of slices of
wheat bread (with the sprouts still in them).
i told myself i would do 30 min of cardio at lunch
AND 30 min of cardio after work.

after i do a quick balance of my checkbook,
i'm off to the gym for my lunch workout.

phew!

i just spent the last 2.5 hours balancing my checkbook
and figuring out my budget for the next 2 months.
as always, i am behind on this.
i'm always behind on doing those adult, responsible things.
let's face it, i am still just a kid in many ways.

am listening to the new John Mayer album with the SO
and am enjoying the groove.
usually, i listen pretty closely to the words and meaning
of the songs, but right now
I can only devote my brain to blogging and
enjoying the music.

i had a little happy moment today
while riding on BART.
i got this nice feeling about work.
well, not the work itself of course, but
rather the new people that i work with.
it just confirms what i value most in life:
connecting with people.

perhaps this new found light is my reward
for spending the last year getting used to
the very different culture of my work environment.
not that it's bad, just different and not quite
where i thought i'd ever see myself.

i'm still wondering why & how i landed there.
i often feel like the odd ball with my very
ghetto-like style.
i suppose it is up to me to take advantage
of the opportunities that this
new work environment provides.

(wow, this is a good album. as always, listening to john
mayer tunes always gets me in the blogging mood.)

I am actually in a state of calm right now.
i still can't see my future clearly, as usual,
but my anxiety about it has subsided.
last night i tried looking for answers
in my little purple book of inspirations but to no avail.

i think a visit to "the big apple" would do it.
shit, a trip anywhere outside of here would bring
much clarity, space and peace.
it's that time to get away so i can breathe deeper
and exhale all the toxins of life from my system.
i am seriously dying for inspiration to run through
my veins again.

i wonder why that is?
the trip to italy was so inspiring.
i felt so incredibly alive.
so what is it, i wonder, about that compared to my everyday?
do i really belong in that beautiful country far away
to resusciate me and make me whole, or is there
something I need to change about myself to find the cure?

or maybe, i just need extended time away from my everyday
to find my clarity?

excuse me while I search on jetblue for some low fares
OUTTA HERE. :)

accomplishments, epiphanies and general bloggery
On my drive home today, as I fed myself
french fries and a hamburger from Jack in the Box,
I was feeling happy
because I finally got to see, hold, feed and burp
my cutie pie nephew after a week of seperation.
I gave myself a little pat on the back
for doing something good for myself today.
Usually, I just let the tiredness from work take over
and render me useless for the rest of the evening.


Then, suddenly, the destructive act of
feeding my body crap (a la the french fries and burger)
juxtaposed with the healthy feeding of my soul by visiting my nephew
struck me.
"Why do I do that?", I thought.
Why do I let myself engage in things that are unhealthy for me?
After all, I wasn't even really hungry for a burger
and fries. It was just habitual.
I needed to do something to relieve the boredom
of the 45-minute drive from my nephew's home to mine.

The revelation was ground breaking...shit, I usually never
have such epiphanies during the boring work week, so I was in shock.

But the clarity inspired me, and I told myself that I would
make it a point to only feed myself, my body and my soul
with only healthy, positive things.
Tonight, I started by fixing my laundry basket full of clothes,
which I have neglected for almost a month!
cheers to new beginnings. I pray the motivation will last.

I chose to reward myself by typing this blog and now
I will read one of my baby books to learn more about
my nephew. I like rewards. :)

My body was tired and achy today
as I recovered from the long weekend
full of family and friends.
I was on my feet pretty much all day
yesterday cookin' up a storm and
playing hostess to our friends
who came to take part in the fantasy
football draft.

It was great to be around the kids especially.
Everytime I see them, I am amazed at how much they've grown.
They all play together now and know eachother well.
The 2 year old of the bunch, our godson, is no longer a baby.
We haven't seen him in months...I think the last time was on
his birthday...and we just can't believe
how big he has grown.
Me and the SO were kinda sad that he didn't remember us anymore.
Before, he would instantly recognize us and refer to us
as "ninong and ninang".
Now, when I ask him what to call me, his face literally
turns into this big question mark.
he has no idea.

It's amazing how much time passes by between friends
and family.
Like a flash, it's 6 months or 6 years later, and
you never even had a chance to blink.


In any case, our time with friends yesterday
was good.
it helped ground me again.
i feel as if i'm ready for a new start again.


for now, I need to get to bed early.
goodnight!
buona notte!

playing P.A. with the Significant Other

still wondering why I had another bad
dream last nigh when I had such a great time
at my SO's cousin's wedding.
It was actually the first official
photography/wedding gig that he did.
it's not really his thing, though,
most especially weddings. god,
he HATES staged photography and weddings
are the worst of all.

My SO is more of a free spirit
when he shoots. He doesn't like to have
lists of things he HAS to capture.
Being able to shoot without guidelines
is what makes his photography what it is:
creative, unique, honest and heartwarming.

I was his assistant.
I had a great time with it. It's amazing
how much power you feel just holding a camera,
even if all you can do is "point and shoot"
I tried my hand at some creative shots, but,eh!
I'm a fool to think I could have some master piece
after years of not even using a point and shoot camera.


The wedding itself was small for pinoy standards,
but I loved everything about it.
The couple was so low maintenance about everything.
And, honestly, aside from the fact that they are family,
that is the main reason why he agreed to take
pictures for them.

I think my favorite part of the day
was working as a team with my SO.
It was especially nice to be able to share
in his passion in a different way aside from just looking at his images.
And boy, did I make a great assistant.
Man, that fool owes me my commission.
I think a nice raise would do it.

sometimes it becomes easy to forget
the truth in my soul
that powers the movement, light, passion
i live for.

it's like walking
without thinking
chewing
without tasting
looking
without seeing

covered beneath others dreams,
demands, wishes, blessings, expectations
for too long
erases the memory of me
and my light.

i habitually turn to the want ads
to regain my sense of self
to remember what is possible
to remember how to turn the light on again
through other opportunities outside

and then I realize -
through the googling haze of
search results
and the blinding brightness
of my laptop screen -
that I will never find myself there

I must look inward first
into the dark depths
of me and my complexities
where
clarity can be found
only by peeling off layers
and layers of the unneccessary

I hope to find myself again soon.
the soul feels empty without me.

I can't believe it's august!

This is the first time in a long time that I have sat down to write/blog.
I'm at the hubby's (oh ya, did I tell you? I'm married. We'll get back to that one in another post) office party and I don't feel much like socializing,
so here I am posted in front of his computer while music plays in the background and guests mill around with their beer and "special punch".

I haven't had much time to really sit and process like this in a while.
After my last post (in April no less!), I got caught up in a whirlwind of planning our trip to Italy. Ahhh...italy...my new obsession.

Then, I got caught up in a whirlwind of planning bachelorette weekends/parties and preparing for 2 weddings I was in this summer. GOD i am SO BROKE...but so lucky to have shared 2 big days for 2 of my closest sistahs.

and then, of course, my favorite whirlwind of all....the birth of my nephew (my brother's son) this past Friday, August 11th. One look at him and you're hooked! I'm a total sucker for my new homey.

Suffice it to say, I have several excuses for not being able to make roll call on my blog over these last few months.

I'm in a state of metamorphosis again, which is why I'm feeling emotional and wayy too deeply pensive. Either that or I'm PMS-ing since I should be on the rag again in the next week or so. Regardless, I feel a new shift in my universe and all I really want to do right now is cuddle with my boo who is my eternal anchor and muse. Hopefully, we can leave this party soon so that I can get my wish. I think I'll figure out a way to coax him in my direction so we can bolt out the door.

Til next time. Life is full!

11:43a and I am waiting for a report to run on my computer.
my body is in total toxic mode since I haven't worked out for
...5 days! holy moly!
'been working overtime everyday since monday, but tonight
i'm workin' out finally!
Ugh. I feel like a slug.

my SO was out for four days last week
in an industry convention a la las vegas.
"r u sure it wasn't the usual porn convention?",
people tease. I laugh. it wasn't, but if it was,
at least one of us was having fun that weekend! ;)

Me- I was miserably bored and recovering from a bad fever.
Plus, I couldn't sleep for 4 nights without
my SO's cold feet and warm body next to me.
but, alas, he is home and I am back to normal.

work - i can't believe i have been here
for 6 months now! the 18th was my 6-month anniversary.
I did the bulk of my moaning and bitching last week
to co-workers and friends about my growing pains here,
but late last week, things strangely transformed into
a peaceful calm with everything.
i feel better connected to things and am not suffering
from the usual anxiety and irateness that I've been experiencing.

arrgh...gotta go. my report just finished running.

Back to work, unfortunately!...but i'm going dancing tonight - a THURSDAY night at that! (oh, i'm so not getting up in time for work tomorrow.)

buddy to be

So today I continued to share the exciting news
about the arrival of my nephew...wow...my
real-related-by-blood nephew. (i can't believe i just wrote that)

in the middle of my storytelling with some folks,
i realized that I was beginning to feel the same,
strange, icky feeling that my brother experiences
whenever he shares the unexpected news to people.

for the first time, i had this strange sense of being judged
as I found myself making a case for why I had all faith
in my brother and his girlfriend to raise their child
successfully. it was wierd. i'm not usually in the habit
of defending my brother even though I am an older sister. but this
time for some reason i felt like i was.

...and i never want to feel that way again.

i need to be more patient with people to process things like this
on their own time and space. I have to remember that this is something
i cannot control.

the most important thing is my faith in things to come
and my brother's & his girlfriend's capacity to face them head on.
i am incredibly PROUD of how they've stepped things up for themselves
and eachother. They've accomplished things as a couple that even my SO
and I have yet to do in the decades we've been together.

for now i pray for the little guy's safe arrival and my new sister's
healthy pregnancy & childbirth. life is good, and I am curious
and excited to see what other truths are unveiled by this new
life that we have been blessed with.

(see you in a few months, little buddy! ~love, tita & tito)

breathe.
just wanted to take this moment to gain some posititve perspective.
being a little emotionally shook up by this very minor
thing is not good.
i'm trying not to let it get to me.
it's really not worth it.
it's just a little challenging because
it affects the core of my values.

so right now, i will just smile
and remember that it's not the end of the world.
feelings are natural - that which cannot be controlled (so I will just ignore the
crummy feeling in my stomach and dismiss it as a minor side effect of
my natural emotions)
it is how one reacts to these feelings that count. so i won't react.
i'll just be.
i'll just remember that there is no problem, unless i let there be one.

i will relish in the fact that all is well.
i am healthy.
life is good.
and this brief shudder of emotion in reaction to things
is not the most relevant or important thing
when compared to the well-being of myself and my loved ones.

i think it's working.
i think i am actually convincing myself.
if only the butterflies in my stomach would go away.
maybe dinner tonight will help. we're off to
our favorite southern bbq/soul food restaurant!

This is probably the first time in AGES
that I actually have a little time to kill before
the work day is over. 10 minutes to be exact.
Usually, I am scrambling for more time to get things done.
Or worse, I work overtime.

This past 4-day weekend was a very relaxing one.
Unfortunately, the SO was sick with a bout of the
stomach flu. Ick!
I ended up lounging in bed with him while we
caught up on netflix movies and recorded shows
on our DVR. All in all, we finished "Closer", 3 episodes
of "Everyday Italian", 5 episodes of "Oprah", a couple of
hours of the Olympics and a some VH1 shows on the side.
It was so nice to veg. out!

Yesterday, I ran around the park, then came home
and cleaned like a mad woman. I was on my feet non-stop
for, like, 5 hours. At least our bedroom and living room is
clean as a whistle.

Oh, and my brother stayed over last night so he would
have a shorter travel time to his work, which is closer to me.
He finally found a job thank goodness! I'm really
really happy for him. He's so proud to have a job.
It was such a struggle. He loves learning and looks forward
to work.

I know that he is over qualified for his position, but I
definitely think it is a good start.
I'm excited to see how things progress.

Ok, well, it's one minute til quitting time, so
I think I will end here.

More later.

it was nice to see my family tonight.
i actually drove to see them at their house
twice in the last week.
that's a lot for me.

I had a bit of a crummy day, so
being with them definitely made me feel better.
they were the second sign i got today
to cheer up my weary spirits.
As usual, the universe is showing me love.

i want to write more, but as usual, i have to choose
between doing what I want to do vs. what i need to do.
unfortunately, I must choose to sleep now so that i can
wake up on time and get to work on time tomorrow.

Good night!