just spent the last 2 hours surfing through facebook.
i needed a little respite from my tired brain.
it's neat to see how well folks are doing.
gives me lots of hope in things.

i left work early for a dental appointment
which also meant that I got to spend more time
with the little one since I got home earlier than usual.

he's growing so fast! just 3 weeks ago he learned how
to crawl.
and now he has mastered pulling himself up to standing
position
and one time...he even cruised a little.
can this kid be any more amazing?

and when I look into those eyes...
they make me melt, truly.
it's just the best thing in the world.

tonight the SO and I watched the little one
as he slept.
after I gave him my usual goodnight kiss,
i put my ear to his chest
to have a listen.
i like to do that sometimes
since I am often in awe that this little
bright light exists in my life
that i have to hear his heartbeat
as my way of "pinching myself" that this is a reality.

and as I listened, I remembered the times
at my doctors appointments when we listened
to his heartbeat through my belly.
how quickly time flies, I thought.
I was left in awe yet again
that the little heartbeat inside of me
is now huggable
and whose smile infects you with nothing but pure joy and love.

E U R E K A!!!!

Kahoy!! The word for "tree" in Tagolog is KAHOY!!!
For weeks I've been trying to remember how to say "tree" in Tagalog,
and just as I FINALLY decided to go online to find the answer,
it came to me.

Cool. Now I can share this with my little one as we walk down our neighborhood
under the beautiful trees...or in Tagalog...

sa mga magandang kahoy.

ahh...simple pleasures. ;)

s w i m m i n g . . .

I am swimming in the abyss.
blindly I go, as I follow instinct and routine
to keep afloat.
the abyss has its own beauty
which i appreciate and respect.
but i need a better way to control
this new world
so that i can feel solid in my foundation,
solid in each step I take.

it is a beautiful place.
but i realize that the secret to
enjoying this new environ
is to not lost one's sense of self
and to take care of one's health -mental and physical.

I suppose this much is true for many
circumstances, places,.
but i write to remind myself.
because it is harder than ever to remember...

me.

to take care of me.
to think of me.
to love me.

because the abyss is worth every breath,
every ounce of energy,
every second of life
to swim in.

yes, it is all-encompassing
but it is a transformative force
that brings new life with each swell of the ocean above.
and I am hooked,
I am hooked
for life.
forever.
and ever.
the abyss is forever a part of me.

a friend sent me an e-mail today asking me to support Proposition 8,
an amendment to the constitution, which basically defines marriage
as between man and woman.

I deleted the e-mail not in anger or spite.
I simply did not want to respond to her
because I know that it will not make her change her views.
but maybe I should have responded just to share my views, regardless
of how it affects her.

If I did respond, I would have told her
that Propositions such as this further
divide us as people and further alienate a certain group of people
from our basic human rights.
Instead of celebrating love between two people,
we shun it simply because they love someone
of the same sex.
i thought love was a good thing.

Furthermore, who are we to deny others
the basic right to be recognized as husband and husband or
wife and wife?
First, it was denying Africans their freedom to simply live,
Then, it was denying Mexicans and Pilipinos from marrying
white women,
Then it was denying women the right to vote...and so on and so on.

When will we realize that acts such as this only
bring us down as a society? It certainly does not make us
any more civilized than an undiscovered tribe in the Amazon.

Hopefully, in my lifetime, I can witness the evolution of
our people into a more inclusive, accepting, and loving
people.

maybe I'm just PMS-ing but...
I don't want to leave the little one tomorrow
to go to work.
This is my last week on my part-time schedule and
I am dreading going back full-time.
I'm going to miss being with the little guy.
Our quality time is so precious to me.
I love every minute of it - even when I'm tired
and wish I had an extra set of hands to help.
I love watching him wake up in the morning,
especially when he wakes up happy and smiling.
When he is in this state, he just lays there content
while observing his surroundings,
patiently waiting for me to wake up.

Because I have to give up more of my days now to work,
I am feeling really resentful and bitter.
"Screw work!", I say...
though I know it isn't realistic since it is what helps
to support the little one.

I suppose I should be focusing more on the positive
side of things, but
I'm not in the mood.
I just wish things could be different
so that I could continue in
spending most of my days
being with the little guy,
playing,
guiding,
and watching him grow and develop.
I know I have the evenings and weekends, but
I want more time.

Maybe tomorrow I will be in a better mood.