4:53p

making time
so i've got about 8 minutes til work is over.
I finished my last assignment about 15 minutes ago.
been wanting to write for days now, but I'm always tired, tired tired.

i can barely get my ass to the gym, except for
this past monday.
'been succumbing to the whole "work culture":

- eating all kinds of crazy carbs for breakfast and lunch, which makes
me feel like crap by the end of the day.
hence, my energy level is super low.

- eating lunch at 12 noon everyday when I know my body is not hungry yet.

ehhh...I gotta break out of this crazy cycle.
and it doesn't help that everyone else around here (well, excpet my boss)
has fallen into the same routine.
The one good thing, though, is that I haven't had any temptations to
drink coffee.
Man, that would most definitely be my downfall.

anyhoo, I'd love to write more about how crummy I've been
feeling over the last couple of days, but time is up.
I gotta go to my spa job next.
maybe I'll find some time to blog there.

til next time...

4:11p

WOW
...I can't believe it. I actually have time to blog
at work.
I swear, I barely have time to go to the bathroom
most of the time!

I'm waiting for my boss to get off the phone with
one of our clients so that I can go over some questions with her.

So my ankle is doing better. I decided to be smart and wear
flat shoes to work.
It's still a little sore, but it's definitely better than yesterday.

Now my upper back is a little tense from doing yard work yesterday.
It's been a long time coming, but we finally did what we had to do
on the front yard.
Our next goal: weeding and cleaning up the backyard (aka our amazon jungle!)
Man oh man, I'm scared!

ok, my boss is ready. will blog more later...

playing catch up again
wow. this has been my ultimate worst at keeping
up with my blog.
I've literally missed two weeks worth!

lemme just start with the week of May 5-11:
I started my first day of my new job on Wednesday, the 6th.
This is by far the most different job I've ever had.
I laugh at myself cause although it's not totally unrelated to my
background in social work, it's still different:
I'm a paralegal for my friend who practices immigration law.

the great thing is that she is pinay. we went to college together,
so we know eachother, and (the best part) she's focusing on
reaching out to the Pilipino community.
She's pretty amazing at what she does. I'm learning a lot just by
seeing how she works and interacts with her clients.
She's definitely created a great balance with being professional
and being compassionate and easy to relate with.
So, if any of you out there need help with immigration matters, even if you are abroad,
please give us a call! (shameless plug)

the other great thing is my office building is literally steps away from
BART and only 3 blocks away from my Spa job, so commuting is a breeze.
The only bad thing is it adds another $100+ that i need to spend every month.

Working in the city again feels great, though. It's great to be
in the financial district, knee deep in the middle of everything!
I'm near 3 shopping centers, tons of yummy restaurants,
and I just love the hustle and bustle of it all.
I think I really need to be in this place right now.
It's definitely not isolating like in my last hell hole job.
I see sooo many different people walking on the street
and on the elevator in my building. There's so many people
to interact with and talk to. Even the security guards in my building
are so friendly and ready to have a conversation.

Also, I've got wayy more friends and family that work nearby.
I'm two blocks away from my best friend, R, who I was able to have lunch
with last week along with my other close friend, A.
And the absolute BEST part is that me and my BF take BART together
and can have lunch together cause he's only 3 blocks away from me.
So even though I have long workdays sometimes, I can still see
him during the day.

It's definitely amazing how a bad thing (me losing my last job)
has led me into a much more healthy, and positive place.
That can only have come from "upstairs". I truly believe that.

Anyhoo...
The first couple of days were all about getting trained.
My friend (and boss) took me to Roy's.
I've heard about it from tons of people and all of their
praises were well deserved.
WOW! that was really really delicious food.
This was by far the best welcome to work lunch I've ever been treated to.

The first part of last week was a little frustrating.
Work was just frustrating because I was in the middle of
learning new things...'couldn't make connections fast enough,
so I was struggling a bit.
But, I sat down and wrote stuff out..tried to figure things out by
reflecting and evaluating. And you know what? it worked.
by last tuesday, I felt more confident at my job, even with all my mistakes.
Thank goodness my friend is so patient with me.

As for the job itself, i basically help prepare forms and other paperwork for our clients.
I do feel like I'm actually doing something productive cause
i'm helping people become U.S. citizens or permanent residents, OR
I'm helping them to study or work here from different countries.
The coolest thing is when we work on cases where we help unite
couples. i.e. when an American Citizen or permanent resident petitions
their spouses to come and live in the U.S.
It's all very different, but neat at the same time.

I work in an office with other lawyers that practice other types of law.
i.e. estate planning, corporate, taxation, real estate, etc.
In fact, just the other day, me and my other co-worker got to be
witnesses in the signing of someone's will.
Therefore, my name and signature is part of someone's last will and testament.
pretty cool.

Anyhow, it's quite interesting working in a place with these
kinds of professionals. Strangely enough, most of them
are pretty down-to-earth/human.

not a catty thing at all
thank goodness I was able to end my first week of work with
a bridal shower at our friend's house.
it was such a great time.
and the funny thing is, all we did for 8+ hours was sit around
in our friend's living room and talk. yup, talk. talk, talk, talk, eat, go to the bathroom, talk.

i was pretty amazed at all the women around me, too.
they're all accomplished in some way, yet remained very down-to-earth
and positive.
There was some really good energy in the room.
And after some of our deep conversation, I grew to respect all of them at
a whole 'nother level.
Really makes me proud to be a woman. :)

The best part of the night was when I checked my
voicemail and found out that J&M had their first baby.

first baby girl
...and that's who we visited on sunday, after our mother's day brunch.
my bf's family, my cousin's family, and my family went to the top of the
Holiday Inn in Emeryville to celebrate mother's day.
my mom made corsages for all the mothers from her orchid plants.
they were really beautiful.
we totally and completely pigged out on the buffett.
I thought I was gonna pass out from all the gluttony.

then, we headed over to the hospital and met Giselle for the first time.
she looks just like her mama and grandmama.
I got to hold her for a little while.
It was such a great scene. there were 10 of us
packed in J's room. little M was running around
while we all laughed and joked around as usual.

we pretty much stayed their til visiting hours were over at 8p.

20/20 vision
and I almost forgot to mention:
the previous friday, my bf got Lasik surgery.
I picked him up afterwards and saw him with sunglasses on in the
corner of the medical office.

underneath the glasses were these two clear,
plastic things that covered his eyes so that he
would not inadvertently sractch them.
it looked like he was wearing two slotted spoons or something!
I kept teasing him and calling him, "The Fly" - remember that 80's movie? ;)

Anyhow, doctor's orders were that he sleep the rest of the
day through tomorrow.
and when we got home it was only 6p and there was still light out.
BUT, that was no problem for us.
he took a couple of sleeping pills and I already had a headache, so
we were pretty much out....FOR 14 HOURS!!!!!

OH-MY-GAWD! I still can't believe we slept for that long!
well, we actually woke up around 1a and ate a little "dinner",
but we fell asleep right afterwards.

He's doing pretty well and now has 20/20 vision. driving at night is
still a little challenging...he sees halos around lights and things.
other than that, he's doing great. he just has to keep up with his
hourly eye-drop applications.
Oh, and we even got a video tape of the procedure as a souvenir.
it's not that icky, but it is kinda surreal.
I'm just glad he's ok.

why do stupid things always happen to me?
so the rest of this past week went well.
I worked all through Thursday, though, with no lunch break.
Then, I worked an extra 2 hours before heading over for an 8p
session at the spa.
You would think I was delirious from all of that non-stop work, but
I was actually ok.

I was just happy that the weekend was coming near.
Yesterday, saturday, we went to my godson's first communion.
I was all ready to go and right before I could reach the handle
to my car door, my ankle buckled under me and down I fell into our dirty, cobweb
infested garage stuff.
There was even a crashing sound.
Thank goodness I've got a lot of chub in the fron of my body..
It definitely cushioned my fall!

As the story goes, I twisted my ankle.
But what hurt the most was my ego.
Damn, what the hell am I going to tell people at the communion celebration?
"Uh, I'm a dumbass who simply ate it...just cause"

Well, as it so happens, that was the only story I could give.
And of course I couldn't ignore the question, "What happened?" since
I was walking with crutches.
but before we got to the celebration, I elevated my foot and put ice on it for 20
minutes. I remembered that acronym, "R.I.C.E." which is
supposed to help you remember what to do when you sprain your ankle.
Trouble is, I forgot what all the letters stood for, well, except for "I" and "E".

In any case, I had a great time at the celebration. I got a chance to spend
time with some of my other close girlfriends who I haven't seen in months!
I got to finally meet some of their kids, too.
And, I got all kinds of special treatment cause of my foot.
It's not all that bad to hurt yourself.

today
woke up this morning with my foot feeling better.
it's still a little sore, but I think I'll live.
It's definitely not as bad a twist as it could have been.

'got to the movie theaters at about 11am and there were already all
these people in the seats.
so much for being the early bird.

we watched The Matrix. ooh. very cool.
'can't wait til December when Matrix 3 will be in theaters.
I still don't fully understand the "ending" with the architecht and
all the mumbo jumbo he was saying.
all I can say is the action sequences were AWESOME!
makes me wanna train and lose hella weight so that I
can wear a pleather body suit and kick some ass.

but I guess I gotta wait til my stupid ankle heals before I can do all that.


...stupid weak-ass ankles!!!!

welcome to the world....

JISELLE MALVEDA
6lbs 7oz.
Born: yesterday, May 10, 2003

momma Joy & papa Mike are doing swell.

Wow...she's is only the second girl born into our little group of friends.
The other 3 are boys. And the courting begins... ;)

10:48a

my moment to hurl
before I truly begin my day today, i need to purge the crap
that's been pervading my system since yesterday
...actually, it's really been over the last 3 months.

it's truly amazing how there are places
on this earth
where the most awful, unhealthy, horrific
systems are in place.
And as much as you think you can change them,
they resist simply because to them there is only one
way, one solitary way of dealing.

plain and simply that is the kind of place I left last friday.
My experience was far from rosy. but my experience
just yesterday with them left me feeling like I got
hit by a truck!

It's terribly horrific in that place.
The dynamics in play most definitely mimick that of a
batterer/domestic violence victim relationship...the very thing we are tying to combat.

In the three months that I worked there I've felt
fear,
anger,
betrayal,
paranoia,
intimidation,
frustration.

I've experienced
lack of communication,
withholding of information as a means to hold power,
a divide and conquer approach to control people,
a hierachical/patriarchical system of management in an all female organization,
a lack of inclusion of all voices in decision making and problem solving,
unfair labor practices,
unfair firing practices,
unfair hiring practices,
a lack of openness to team work and cohesiveness,
a very corporate (thus not effective...to say the least) approach to accomplishing our
mission and vision

I've been treated
like I was an idiot
like i was beneath another
like I was nothing more than a worker.

I was never challenged
to think, analyze and make impacting decisions

I was never given the opportunity to truly express my voice
in many different arenas where my past experience and diverse skills could have been of value.

In those respects, therefore, I was never truly valued or given the respect that I deserved.

Overall, my feeling is this:
I WILL NEVER, EVER BE OR SUBSCRIBE TO ANY OF THE THINGS
THIS PLACE REPRESENTS AND IS.

As much as I have been affected by this awful, evil, backwards place,
they will never take away the humanity in me.
They HAVE NOT changed my ideals, values and perspectives of how
things should be.
In fact, they have only solidified my beliefs in everything that is opposite of them.

I'm not bitter, or angry, or afraid or any of those negative things.
They have not taken away my spirit.
Instead, I am sad...gravely saddened by the actual existence and continuation of this place
...by closed minds in there that will never, ever be open to what's just and what's positive.

I really and truly pray for change, though, specifically for the
sake of my friends who are still left in that terrible, terrible place.
I would not have made it without them over these last 3 months.
And besides that, they deserve more...so MUCH MORE than what they are being given.
It's that simple.

They were, literally, the only good things in place there, most especially...
My friend, "cinammon sugar", who's taught me the meaning of true patience, undeniable strength and laughter.
My friend, "boojie", a true class act, who's one to reckon with. She's taught me that self respect is number one,
and to never let anyone or anything take that away.
My first friend, "peacekeeper", who I owe soooo much to for preparing me for what was to come. She's given me,
quite simply, a peaceful perspective on how to deal with conflicts.
And last, but certainly not least...

My FOUNDATION and friend, "lost driver",
who was my advocate, ally, personal counselor,
"process" partner, the only one who spoke the same "language"...you name it.
I swear, if that place could only see
the true intelligence,
talent,
dedication
and (most of all) integrity
that she has to offer, that place would be the best damn place to work.

*sigh*

SHE was what made it so worthwhile to be there, to fully experience and
evaluate and find value in my time within that hell hole.
She helped me...just be.
And, truly, I cannot express in words what it meant to have her by my side.

All I can say is, she didn't have to go out of her way to be the kind of friend she was,
especially after I'd only been there for less than 3 months.
But she was...in the most genuine and sincere way, amongst having to deal with her own problems.
That's what intregrity is, in the most purest form.

And that is the biggest lesson she's taught me:
how to have integrity.
And, truly, she is one of the few people I've been blessed to know who lives life with it.
For me, she is a friend for life.

*bigger sigh*

thank goodness for blogs! OKAY!
this is perhaps the best way to "vomit" the crap out of one's system.
it just feels good to not have to justify my feelings
or thoughts. this is me. this is it. period!
end of discussion.

and now I laugh: HAHAHAHAHA
as I remember what my friend, "boojie", told me:

"So you just go on and run with the rest of your life, girl"

...that i will. that i will.

12:55a

big fat blog slacker!
wow.
I can't believe I missed an entire week this time.
bad me.

so where the hell do I begin?
'gonna go with a "in a nutshell version"....

monday
from what I can remember, this day went well.
'been procrastinating for days to talk to my boss
about a conflict I was having with her.
I finally faced the music and actually had a pretty decent
conversation with her.

we were able to get on the same page and
communicate amicably. that's the good news.
The bad news is I now have solid confirmation
that her work style DOES NOT work in a social service setting.
It's truly amazing how people like her fall into
the non-profit sector.
she's a good person. there's no question there.
but her approach is totally and completely corporate.

regardless, it gave me the courage to face my challenge the next day...

tuesday
this was crap day that turned into the transformation of super me.
I faced the "big boss" of my work and gave it to her....very amicably, of course.
Expressing my concerns in a very honest, yet firm way was totally empowering.
I actually got her to receive my thoughts and concerns ...
she even offered a next step in the problem-solving process.
I was quite amazed.
Of course, the true test is if she keeps her word.

the best thing about it is that I was able to find "my voice".
situations like that are so incredibly intimidating that often times
I'm unable to thoroughly express what I want to say.
It was the best feeling to be able to articulate myself exactly as I saw and
felt things.
So what was it about this particular situation that made me do it?

Well, i think the mere fact that I was pretty pissed off and fed up
was motivation enough.

who woulda thunk it?

wednesday
perhaps the best day of this week!
Tuesday pretty much left me in survival mode.
Wednesday was all about finding another job since this one was
pushing me out the door.
I wasn't getting fired. I simply had no other options.

Essentially, they made the executive decision to change my job description
into a more advanced one. They didn't ask for my input nor did they
let me know of their plans when I was hired 3 months ago. zilch.
I'd be working full-time with no increase in pay AND
be obligated to be at the beck and call of "the big boss".

hell no!
that's not what I signed up for. but they basically didn't want to work with me on it.
they simply wanted to fill that position. so because I didn't want it,
they were ok to let me go.
Well, they didn't hire a dumb-ass...who the HELL would want to work for
a place that doesn't value it's employees?

anyhow, since it was my day off, I decided to contact a friend who was looking
to hire an assistant in her law firm. The scenario that day looked like this:
9 am - I call that friend and we talk for 15 min.
12p - I meet her for lunch in the city so we can talk more. (she paid for lunch, too)
1p - She gave me the job!
MAN, that was probably the quickest job offer I've ever gotten!

later that night...and this is the best part...WE SAW AVRIL LAVIGNE IN CONCERT!!!!
woo hoo!

(ok I'm getting sleepy. will continue tomorrow.)