9:44a

how pathetic! can't believe i haen't written in here for days.
that's really bad for me.
I really don't have time to do it at work.
are you kidding? I can barely breathe sometimes
cause there's so much friggin' work to do!
and then when i get home....forget it!
my brain is so through by the time 5p rolls around.
i can barely even make it to the bathroom to pee.

nevertheless, I'm here.

roy's
had lunch (again) at Roy's yesterday with my cousin
who is visiting this week from NY.
this time around, i tried their green salad (super yummy!)
and seafood noodle salad (even yummier!)
all for FREE!
My cousin's boyfriend was nuce enough to treat me for lunch, too!
now how cool is that?!

this week
this week's been so-so again, but at least i made it to
the gym one day (monday).
I'm gonna go again today on my lunch break
My body isn't feelin' all that healthy.
'been consuming wayyy too much crap.
shoot, last night my bf and i GORGED on this
super yummy fried chicken (with the hot Jufran sauce & rice) that we bought
at our local Pilipino restaurant.
Oh my GAWD, we couldn't stop eating it!
it was literally like popping a bag full of potato
chips in your mouth.
You couldn't have just one!

after work today, I go to the spa for my usual shift.
Even though i need the extra money,
I'm kinda hoping that i don't have any sessions scheduled for tonight.
I wanna get back home to pack for our trip to LA
this 3-day weekend.
I swear, i cannot WAIT to get the hell outta here for a while.

We're planning on driving along the coast (HWY 1) from Monterey
to maybe San Simeon.
We also wanna check out San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara if we have time.
We're leaving really early on Sat. morning so we can take in as much
of the beautiful sites as we can. I can't wait!

last night i also got the sweetest message on my
voicemail from my ex-co-worker.
it was so nice to hear from her. unfortunately,
things at my old work place still haven't improved,
which is so depressing because it's literally been
that way for more than a decade now.
thank goodness she hopefully has a door of opportunity out
of there soon. (crossing my fingers)

oh, and last sunday was really a great way to start
the work week.
12 of our guy friends came over to do the fantasy football
draft. of course, I didn't participate in that.
instead, I got a chance to hang out with some of the
guys' significant others and 2 of my nephews.
I was cookin' up a storm, though, so i didn't get to spend as much
time as I wanted with the kiddies.

if i wasn't grillin' burgers, I was cuttin' up fruit and making crepes
in my cool crepe pan. that was my favorite. we had crepes with bananas,
strawberries and nutella...with a side of ice cream.
YUM!

Anyhoo, I best be continuing on with work.
As usual, the case files are calling me!
UGH!

old bad habits never die
it's a shame really when one never grows out of their awful,
self-absorbed behavior.
the worst part about it is when they bring others down.
it's their mechanism for picking themselves up.
it's their way of finding some sort of pride and power for themselves.

i often wonder when they will grow out of that.
I feel sorry, but angry and furiated at the same time.
there's no more excuse for this type of behavior.
after all, it's not like they're 10 years old anymore.

i just really get down when innocent people are affected,
especially when they become disempowered.
that is theee absolute WORST.
it is difficult, especially when that person throws
cruel, vicious words around like it's nothing.
the automatic thing to do is internalize it when you are on the receiving end.
how awful!!!

seeing all of this makes me appreciate the positive things that i DO have in my life:
friends and family that are down-to-earth, genuinely good people,
a partner in life who walks beside me, grows with me and believes in me,
and most importantly.
an openness to different perspectives and values
that helps me keep it real.

all i wanted was some nutella recipes
'bought a couple of jars of that lovely hazelnut spread
i love so much.
so i went online to their website to find some recipes.
what did I do instead?
bawl like a baby after reading my cousin's blog.

seeing all of her pictures from her trip,
especially those of our family
just made me all emotional.
It made me miss "teetz" (aka tita b, my cousin's mom).
She doesn't look at all like she went through a stroke.
Except for the new silver "highlights", she looks exactly
as she did when I was a kid.

It was kind of a trip to see all of the e-sisters together
in that pic., though.
that family has gone through so much in their lifetime.
it's amazing they still have their sense of humor.
and as crazy and dysfunctional as things may have been
at one point or another,
it is these women who were my foundation growing up in the PI's.
They are the ones who doted on and loved me...totally spoiled me.
I got my own sense of humor from them as well as my self-confidence.
I swear, whenever I was around them, they always made me feel like a superstar.
that was just their way.
(no wonder sometimes i need to be the center of attention. yikes!)

I've been thinking lately that I really need to go over there
on my own or with my bf to visit and spend time with them at some point soon.
time is just whizzing by so quickly, you know.
I really don't want 4 years ago to be the last time i see or spend time with them.

1:59p

weekend musings
it's hot and sunny again today.
i think it's probably in the 80's.
in fact, this morning when my bf and i were
trimming the bushes in our front yard (at about 10a),
the sun was already dehydrating the hell out of us.
at least our front yard looks cleaner.

'spent most of yesterday at our friends' lovely home
in the south bay for a pool party.
there was gobs and gobs of food: bbq chicken,
burgers, corn, salad, watermelon...you name it.
and although their pool was not heated,
swimming in it made all the difference
cause it was pretty hot yesterday, too.

'got a chance to play with one of my nieces and nephews.
'haven't seen either of them in months.
the last time i saw my niece, she was a newborn...just a few hours old.
now, she's actually much bigger and heavier than baby boy who is
6 months her senior.
they're both such chill babies, though.
the only time they make a fuss is when they're either
hungry or went #1 or #2.
It's really calming, but sometimes I wish they'd scream, laugh, react, something!
hehehe...

still...watching them react to life in whatever way is pretty damn cool.
'takes me back to basics.
'reminds me that sometimes the layers and layers of bullshit that we wade through
in life is just that: B.S.

'capped off the fun-filled day with our usual
"shootin' the shit" conversation on the patio.
our gracious hostess prepared a lovely
white chocolate fondue with strawberries,
bananas, pound cake and marshmallows to dip with.
it's nice to let go and live like that.
if only we could do that more than once a week.

10:48p

wow...didn't realize it's almost 11p!
been online since i got home at 7p searching'
various schools.
trying to follow through with some of the goals i had written down
back in May.
This particular goal involved researching
grad school programs and massage therapy courses.
it's amazing how one can be in the groove just searching for
3 hours straight!

Thankfully i can do this in bed with my bf's lap top
and wireless network card thingy.

my own rollercoaster
monday was splendid at work. (woah...i haven't used that word in a long time!)
got through the day without a hitch.
i was feelin' good.
'even arrived early...try 7:45 (I usually arrive at 9) and got
a whole mess of stuff done before 9.
i was in my element.

I shoulda knocked on wood cause
tuesday came around and was the complete opposite.
of course, i got over it thanks to my co-worker
who constantly looks out for me and vice versa.

I try to remind myself not to take things so seriously...
it's just a job, i tell myself.
this isn't my passion or my calling.
it's just a way to help make ends meet and learn something new.
this is one tiny part of my life.

but it's hard when you are an emotional person like me.
it's more challenging for me to just shake things off like most people.
i read into things wayyy more than normal
thus, it becomes more personal than it needs to be.

thankfully today was a lot better.
i told myself i would never ever miss a lunch break again,
which i did yesterday.
that probably made things worse than normal.
so today i walked up and down the street, enjoying the sunshine.
'stopped by the spa to see my favorite person to harass there.
he makes my days go by sooo much faster whenever i call him
to check on my shift schedule for the day.
I am sOOOO thankful i have massage to balance out my "work life",
even though i don't consider massage to be work.

in any case, i'm at the point now where i simply refuse to
take any more crap.
my emotions are no longer clouding my practical senses.
I think it's about that time for me to JUST DEAL
in the most mature and healthy way possible.
I owe it to myself.

soon-to-be tita (again)
I'm so excited for my cousin and her husband.
They're expecting a little one in a few months.
'Just saw the ultrasound pics on her blog.
I got all veklempt looking at it.

I also started reviewing my pregnancy massage book again.
'wanted to brush up on stuff since I haven't used this modality in well
over 8 months.
'haven't gotten a request for a pregnancy massage at the spa yet.

too bad my cousin and i are thousands and thousands of miles apart.
it would be kinda cool to lend my skills during her first pregnancy.
well, at least massage is prevalent over there in England where she's at.
hopefully, there's also folks there that practice pregnancy massage.

I'm just excited for the little one to come out. :)

2:10p

on the brighter side
aside from my inner zombie-like existence during the 9-5 grind,
the other sides of life are definitely more real.
spent a lovely dinner with my dad and brother at Roy's
on Friday night.
Our b-day dinner for dad was long overdue.
Thank goodness they enjoyed dinner
cause it wasn't cheap!

I don't think my dad was too impressed with the
kahlua pork and cabbage lumpia we had
for appetizer.
I think he was expecting something he could put
suka on.
He DID, however, enjoy his hawaiian martini
as any alive person would. Damn that's one of the best
drinks I've ever had.
We also enjoyed ice cream and sorbets for dessert.
next time I go back, I think I'll order the chocolate banana lumpia.

yesterday was session marathon.
koo koo me scheduled 3 massage sessions in one day...and on a weekend at that!
the good thing is that it was with good friends.
'had a decent amount of quality time to spend with them after each session
to catch up and see how the other was doing.
so, it really wasn't work.
being able to offer myself as a resource in this way has enabled me
to keep in touch with friends
that I don't usually see on a regular basis.
thank goodness for that.

bought take out from Pasta Pomodoro
and ate it here at home with my bf for dinner
he's been re-vamping his website non-stop for the last 3 weeks,
so he's committed himself to finishing it as soon as possible.
I can't wait til it's done.
His passion for photography has taken his creativity to another level.

after dinner we hung out in our kitchen/bar/eating area and reminisced about
stuff.
for some reason I got all curious about what he thought of me when we first met.
it was kinda silly since I already knew the answers, but
for some reason, it was all I could think about.

We then hung out on the couch for a spell and talked some more.
It's good that we were able to make use of that space because
we NEVER sit in that area.
It's usually wasted space that gathers dust until we are blessed with
a gazillion guests at our annual x-mas party.

we ended the evening with a trip to Starbucks for some frappuccinos,
2 episodes of Trading Spaces and a late night movie on TBS ("Conspiracy Theory").

spam and eggs
'woke up this morning at almost 10am.
'talked a little while in bed with the bf
and then did the usual thing I do when i get up in the morning.

went into the kitchen and cut up some left over spam from
yesterday's breakfast.
'decided to cut it up and make a spam omelet with rice.
it wasn't bad.
A little too salty for me, but it filled my stomach nonetheless.
It's nice to be able to share meals like that with my bf.
We are lucky if we can spend 1 meal a day together on the weekdays.

driven
for years i was driven
by passions that revolved around social justice and educational opportunity.
it was central in my career choices and everyday living really.
I had a vision then...so crystal clear.

now that i am in "survival mode"
i realized today that i've forgotten what that vision is.
jaded by lack of financial stability, complacency as well
as by the cynics and ignorant/over-priveleged
"opponents" to my views, I guess i've managed to stray
from that other path.

the world is bigger now, filled
with anything and everything that you let in,
constantly challenging who I am
and what I want to become.
suddenly, i'm sinking in it, unable to come up for breath.

then again, a friend told me once that i am where I am because of
my visions.
it's not that i've lost them.
they've simply led me to a more complex path.
my friend said i should be happy about it because it's only leading me to greater things.
sheeiiit! wish I could believe that after these last few challenging months.

taking a step back, i remember why i chose my current path.
Balance is what I was seeking - plain and simply.
I didn't have any grandiose career goals because that's not really
how my thinking works.
As my ex-boss taught me, I think more about my "life's work".

Exactly what that is, I don't know. But on a very general/socially conscious level,
my main driving force is to be an effective resource in meeting community needs.
And even more, to be integral in building community.

I believe the path I've chosen is still enabling me to do that, but
I guess I don't always view it as a revolutionary thing (since it is not an
apparently radical activity)...even though
it is, given the right elements.

I guess i just always need to feel like what i do is making a significant difference.
Time is so precious that I just don't want to waste it investing in things
that aren't meaningful to me.

I'm glad I had this moment to remember my "roots" again.
It's amazing what "thinking" out loud can do.
maybe things aren't as bad as I thought after all.
I just needed to be reminded that the fire inside hasn't completely died.

"Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Muriel Strode

('love this quote. it's my favorite.)

my corner
sometimes it's so nice to be able to close off the rest of the world around me.
no point of reference to compare my life to.
just me here with my thoughts. my hopes and dreams.
it's nice to know that I can find it here
even though, ironically, it is open for the world to see.

my brain is pretty fried again from this challenging week.
i really should be at the gym right now working out,
but i'm mentally incapable.
i know I can overcome that, but
i just don't have the energy to do it right now.

'been judging myself all week.
'been processing all kinds of craziness in my noggin.
i just want rest from it all.

pathetic

*shakes head*

when taking BART train "A" on the way home, I need to do the following:

1. get off at BART Station "#1" and..
2. transfer to BART train "B"
3. get off at my home station


But what did idiot me do instead this afternoon?

1. missed BART Station "#1", so got off at the next station to make my way back
2. got back to BART Station "#1" and got on (what I thought was) BART train "B",
which was really BART train "A". Therefore..
3. I repeated step 1. above
4. finally got on the right train (BART train "B") and got home

My usual commute time: 1 hour door-to-door

TODAY's IDIOTIC commute time: 2 friggin' hours!!!!!! (I didn't get home til 8p)

The moral of the story: PAY ATTENTION.


update
haven't done an update on my workout/healthier living goal so here goes:

DAY 1 (Monday 8/11):
- did 30 minutes of cardio
- a gazillion sit-ups
- and lower body toning
- eating-wise i didn't have any simple carbs at all.
instead I stuck to: a jamba juice for breakfast (ok wait, actually this has like a gazillion carbs),
smoked salmon salad for lunch
and un-fried fried chicken and salad for dinner (yummy!)
My body was freakin' tired as hell that day. It's probably the most
exercise I'd had in a long time, plus I did 2 massages that night back to back.

DAY 2 (Tuesday 8/12):
- NO WORKOUT (shame on me) but I did 2.5 hours worth of massage sessions after my day job
...didn't get home til midnight from the spa. 'did an hours worth of stretching when i got home.
thank goodness for that cause I seriously could not have made it through today if i didn't.
My body was all cramped up all over.
- ate a little bit of simple carbs (1/4 cup of white rice and 1/2 a cracker)
- mostly stuck to: a jamba juice for breakfast (which gave me the runs cause
I think I accidentally chose my co-worker's smoothie which had the boosts in it. eck!),
a cup or so of veggie tempura and terriyaki mackarel, miso soup and salad for lunch/dinner = LINNER
(hehe!..i know, I'm not funny)

DAY 3 (TOday):
- NO WORKOUT (shame on me again)... 'fell completely off the wagon
today cause I also indulged in some KFC for dinner - 'nuff said.
- 'feelin' pretty blah emotionally today which led to my unhealthy habits.
dunno really why...well, actually i DO know but just don't feel like writing about it here.
- did good for breakfast and lunch meals, though: 2 boiled eggs and orange juice for breakfast
and terriyaki chicken, 1.5 cups of veggies and 1/8 cup rice for lunch.

Boy, oh boy....only 11 days to go for the "cleansing phase". I guess we all gotta fall
off the wagon a few times to get it right. hopefully this will be the only time in the
next few days. The good thing is, the workout and the stretching on days 1 & 2
felt really good. My co-worker let me use his office while he's away on vacation, so
tomorrow I think I will take a break around 11:30 or so and do some stretching in there.

the nomad
saw my brother on AIM today.
thank goodness he finally made it home from his crazy road trip.
first of all, he and his 2 friends drove 27 hours straight from CA to TX!!!
I'm not really sure what possessed them to do such a crazy thing.
Lucky for them my brother has the sleeping pattern of a vampire, so
he probably took the evening/early morning drive shift while the other 2 took the day shify.

unfortunately on their way back to Cali,
they experienced car trouble.
somethin' about a hose blowing.
instead of 27 hours straight this time,
it took them 2.5 days.
And, yes, they stopped over and slept at a couple of hotels on the way.
Last night, in fact, they were in Vegas.

hmmm...maybe someone "upstairs" was tryin' to
show them that they need to "enjoy the view" some
vs. rushin' home.

wandering thoughts
'was thinkin' about Ma today.
hope she's not causing too much trouble in the PI's.
Also hope she's ok and and enjoying her stay...for her sake.

'thought about Dad and how we still need to
take him out to celebrate his birthday.
I'm thinking of taking him to Roy's. but then
I know they will complain that it's too expensive
and we'll just get into some stupid "thing" over it.
and then my mom will somehow slip in how
"it would have been better if we went to so and so restaurant"
...this is quite typical of our family gatherings.
That is, if we're lucky enough to escape the usually annoying
figuring-out-where-to-eat process. Sometimes
i don't even know why we go through it
cause my mom never wants to try anything new
and we end up eating at freakin' Sizzler or some
greasy buffet place (at least there's the cheese toast
to look forward to).
But you put up with it anyway cause it's the only
way to have our brand of quality time with my family.
ugh...we're so CRAZY!!!!!!!

'spent almost 2.5 hours replying to friends' e-mails (i think I spent a whole hour on one of them).
'had some crazy bawling attack when i got home from my stupid
BART experience (it came on like a friggin' allergic reaction!)
'couldn't quite pinpoint why at first.
maybe I was just letting out my frustrations of the day,
cause I sure wasn't PMS-ing.
Thank god for my bf and the PHAT hug I got when I came home. :)
And at the end of the day...that's all that really matters anyway.

sigh
once again I am not detail-oriented enough.
'had all kinds of mistakes on something I was working on yesterday.
sometimes it's a challenge to think I can do better
at my job.
I don't know what it is, why it's so difficult.
after all, all I do is spit out forms and paperwork.
menial labor, right?

well, maybe it's not that menial.
I DO have to apply some kind of investigative mindset.

'been trying to shake this yucky feeling off for months now.
and it's definitely gotten much better than before.
but...I dunno.
I guess I need to re-think/re-evaluate my approach again.

*sigh*

('don't wanna think anymore....)

8:15p

in business again
'just finished an hour and a half deep tissue session here at the spa.
'am waiting on my next session: another deep tissue, but only an hour
the lobby of the spa feels nice and cool...i need respite from
the warm treatment rooms.

sometimes when I am in a session,
I feel like i'm doing tai chi or something.
massage is very rhythmic...almost like a dance.
it's quite therapeutic. that's why I never get physically tired
quickly.

oops...back to business. my next client will be
walking through the doors any minute.
'gotta go set up the rooms.

til next time....

11:21

transformation
i keep trying to convince myself that I'm going to accomplish my goal this time.
and today is my first day at it. (ok, it's more like my 100th try at it)
i've decided to try a pseudo atkins diet for the next 14 days + exercise...
all in an effort to live a healthier lifestyle...and lose a few pounds.
god knows my knees aren't gettin' any stronger from holdin' up all this weight.

i've decided to chronicle my progress here + all my bitching and whining
about not being able to eat this or that.
actually, I'm kinda glad I've come to this point cause
I'm tired of not trying hard enough to eat healthfully
or live a more physically active lifestyle.
besides, I really do like to eat healthfully.
I love vegetables...I'm just too lazy to prepare them
for a meal. so if any of you out there
can recommend some low-fat vegetable recipes
(without pasta or other starches), I'd love to hear from you.
I'll be scouring my bon appetit magazines for some
recipes after entering this blog.

I'll get more into detail about this new goal of mine later. Right now,
I'm exhausted from my very productive day
and all I want right to hop into my
bed and bury myself under the covers.

so til next time, happy sleep!

4:15p

makulit
once again my brain is all over the place today.
my goals for the day:
- finish the laundry
- clean the bbq grill
- work out
- clean the house

instead what have I been doing?
getting inspired to re-decorate the house...again!
I decided it's about time I finally worked on our
psuedo back yard furniture AND finally
sew a couch cover, which I've been planning
on doing for almost four years...damn, come to think of
it, our 4 year anniversary passed.
As of last week (Aug 1st) it has been 4 years since
we've lived in this house together.
wow. How could I forget that?

Anyhow, because of the above
I went to Berkeley again to check out fabrics and foam.
Yes, foam...I need it for the patio furniture.
Turns out it's wayyy too expensive over there.
Damn, $200 just for 3 pieces of foam to cushion your ass.
my ass ain't worth THAT much!
i think I'll just go to Ross and buy a roll of foam (they're usually on sale
for only $5 or less) and just double up on it.


so what have I been doing all week?
as usual, I've been MIA this week on the blog scene.
did I mention that I finally got into the stupid "Prendster"
(as my dad would pronounce it) website?

DAMN!!! HELLLLA folkers be on that thing.
It was kinda cool for a while, checking out people's testimonials
and all that...trying to see if I could spot any old friends
I hadn't seen in years.
One thing's for sure: if you're pinoy and live in the Bay Area,
you are guaranteed to have some degree of seperation from
the rest of the pinoys in the Bay Area...and potentially the whole
state of California.

After a while, though, it starts to feel like another
popularity contest thing. I'm sure it's great for networking, though...
anything to keep connected with people is fine.
but, it's still kinda surface-y for me. I guess the challenge is in what you do with
those connections you make. that's where the substance is found.
'hope people can still find it in this new novelty.

on the ride home
ok, so as I was saying before i stupidly erased it all,
I was hangin' out with my dad on our ride home from the airport.
he just arrived back from spending 2 weeks in the PI's to tend to
my lola (my mom's mom). He came back by himself since
my mom decided to spend more time with lola.

it's been difficult for me to include this entry here, because
it's always a challenge for me to express things that impact me so
deeply.
this probably also explains why I haven't blogged all week.
I guess I'm just afraid that i won't be able to do any justice to the topic.

but I listenened to and absorbed wholeheartedly
my dad's stories from his trip.
my favorite was about his visit to his hometown
where he grew up.
I love to hear him express his love for his town,
he's always so proud of the people...their graciousness
and humility.
it's funny cause that's the essence of who my pops is,
even though he's perhaps one of the most BIZARRE people on the planet. ;)

then, dad began to talk about his house and his childhood.
to this day, the house he grew up in is STILL in our family's name.
my cousin lives there now with her husband and two kids.
apparently, dad's oldest brother (who worked in Alaska back in the days)
saved enough money to
build that house.
god knows they needed it, cause all 9 of them were living in a nipa hut before
the house was built.

but that didn't phase my dad growing up.
even though they were financially poor, he always talks about how much he enjoyed his childhood.
he's got TONS of stories...many of which he's repeated at least
10 times to my brother and I.
I know them all by heart.

on the ride home, dad
reminded me of amang (his dad) and his popularity with
the town folk.
he was a mailman, so he knew everyone and vice versa.
hence, everyone knew my dad.
and according to dad, amang was the BEST storyteller,
the favorite of the town.

dad also reminded me of inang (his mom),
how he never knew exactly how old she was.
inang never knew either because her parents passed away
before she was old enough to know them
and she never went to school.
at that moment I just thought to myself quietly how amazing
a woman she was to raise 7 children who all became successful in life.
all have their own families and pursued various careers.
the oldest was a lawyer.
the second was an engineer.
3 of her daughters became nurses
and her youngest son, dad, became a CPA.

...soon enough we reached my parents' house and it was time for
me to help my dad unload the car.
his story telling had to cease for the moment, but I could
not help but feel so much pride and appreciation for
my roots on dad's side.
made me wish i could speak and understand ilocano, his native tongue.
made me proud of my last name...I don't ever want to get rid of it.
Not even when I get married.
truth is, i really like my name as is.
and now I have more reason to keep it as is.

11:09p

back to the grind
came back from my short hiatus to find LOTS
of lovely case files waiting for me ALL OVER my desk area.
strangely enough, I was actually juiced to get started on them all.
my job...i swear, it's like riding on a rollercoaster.
one minute I'm hating EVERYthing about it,
and the next minute, I'm actually intrigued and challenged.
go figure?

'hitched a ride with my bf to work this morning
so that we could ride BART together.
'talked about our labor day weekend plans...
all i know is, I wanna take advantage of the long weekend
and get the HELL OUTTA here!!!
it's about time for another get-away.

looking forward to being outdoors
and exploring, seeing, feeling, hearing, touching,
tasting and smelling new things.
of course, I could easily find that whilst
cleaning out my filthy garage...but I think that can wait another weekend.

sometimes I forget why it's worth it
so our humble soiree this past saturday got my juices flowin'
for planning our annual x-mas party.

now, you gotta just give it up to the gods for blessin' you when
your friend calls and asks you when your x-mas party is gonna be
so that he can mark it as a day off
on his schedule for December.

Mind you, this man is a doctor with tons of patients to see,
yet he still has time to think of taking time out to
celebrate the holidays at our humble little annual get together.
how freakin' DOPE is that????

flippin through the pages
...of the San Francisco State Univ. College of Extended Learning catalog.
I've got a little less than 2 years to use up the $4,000
scholarship I earned while serving as an AmeriCorps member,
and since I haven't figured out what the HELL Masters degree I want to
pursue,
I figure I might as well "create my own major"...aka take all the classes
I WANT to take, no matter how random they are.

Here's some of the classes that is on my list to take:

1. A Brush with Creativity: Engaging Your Creative Process Through Painting
ooooh...I lost my breath for a second when this caught my eye in
the catalog. I've been wanting to get into another form of art,
something that will allow me to express myself on a different level
than writing. Besides that, I've ALWAYS wanted to learn how to
blend colors and do all kinds of creative stuff on canvas.
There's something about a blank white canvas that is so inviting.

2. Non-Profit Administration
I figure this would be a first step into pursuing one of the two
Masters programs I've been thinking about: Public Administration.
Not quite sure EXACTLY what I'd want to do with it except for the fact
that I'd like to have a more broad understanding of the non-profit world
so that I'd have more to go on when doing community/social work.

3. Strategic Public & Non-profit Management
see #2

4. HTML, Photoshop, and Web Design
it would be really nice to design my own website. I learned some basic HTML
about a year ago, but I'd definitely like to expand on it.

5.Youth and Human Services Nonprofit Agency Administration
Certificate: American Humanics Program
This is the next best thing to getting a Masters in Public Adminsitration,
but not as intimidating.

...more to list later. I'm getting caught up reading this catalog...

"your body's a wacky-land"
woke up this morning realizing that "aunt flow" had visited
in the middle of my sleep.
'bitch didn't even knock or anything.
needless to say, I was unprepared.

didn't make it into work cause my body was
already exhausted from the long and exciting weekend, not
to mention aching back and belly.
I didn't get up until about noon today and my
body still feels like a friggin' pretzel.


enlightenment
the house was full
this weekend.
'had a get together with friends to bid bon voyage
to another one of us heading east for a new adventure.

this house has always been blessed with visitors
and friends.
from my neighborhood playmates in childhood, to
our family parties back in the day to now
this place has been a hub, a space for reconnecting and
sharing lives with loved ones.

this weekend was no different.
in fact, this time around, I could really sense
the "family" dynamic with our group of friends.
dunno what it was, but I think part of it was
the fact that everyone genuinely wanted to be there
to reconnect with eachother.

The whole dynamic of having kids
in the mix just really brought things full-circle, too.
We are now our parents, titas, titos while
the next generation has taken our place.

It was great to see everyone playing with, taking care of,
watching and laughing with little M, Iz, and T3.
Baby D was missing in action, so it wasn't complete, but
he was definitely there in spirit..."if only D was here",
everyone kept saying.

the rest of the day (into the night) was about poker, kooky converstions,
eating and watching the entire first season of sex in the city.
the party didn't end until about 3am.

and what time did I wake up the next morning? 10 am.

...and the whole thing started over again: hanging out with friends,
eating, and bbqing.