beautiful butterfly

last friday, nov. 19th, i had a nice 2-hour lunch
with my co-workers.
i introduced them to this cute little italian
restaurant tucked away in a little alley
just a few blocks from our office.
one of my co-workers suggested having lunch together as a way
to distract herself from her soon-to-be released
Bar exam results.
of course, i obliged.

as usual, we talked our usual office gossip
and threw in stories about our families
and other goings on in our lives.
since that particular day was my auntie linda's one-year death anniversary,
i decided to share a little bit about her passing as well as her life.
it was a little surreal, like it always is, to talk about her in the past tense.
it's even more surreal when i recap the whole tragedy involved in her passing.
but, somehow, i am able to tell her story with a light heart.
i have no regrets or doubts when i talk about her.
i suppose i even feel a sense of responsibility to tell her story
as a way of keeping her spirit alive.

i haven't visited her "parking space" in months
nor have i performed my usual routine of looking
outside of the window of my BART train in the morning
to look for the monument that stands next to her grave.
i honestly haven't found a need to.
she is everywhere. there is no way to tie her spirit down
to one spot. that is why i call her grave her "parking space".
even when she was alive, she lived so fully. she traveled the world,
shopped like a maniac, laughed and joked with you like no one else could
and was plain and simply the epitome of life.

over the past year, i believe that she has been with me.
i believe that she watches over me and the rest of my family.
i believe that in many ways, she has blessed us this year
(i.e. the birth of her grandson, Mayson; her daughter graduating from grad school and getting engaged last weekend)
i believe that in her own way, she even sends me messages, sending me her love and assuring me that she is alright

...i believe this was her message to me last friday.

while walking with my co-workers back to our office after lunch,
something big flew towards us.
it lingered close to us for a moment, just long enough for me
to realize what it was.
at that moment, i gasped and put my hand to my mouth.
i didn't know whether to shout or cry in happiness...
the big thing that flew towards us was a
beautiful butterfly.

now, mind you, this was odd for many reasons, namely:

a) this was a huge, almost hummingbird-size butterfly, with orange and black wings, which i have probably only seen one other time in my existence AND...

b) this butterfly was flying around in the MIDDLE of the FINANCIAL district in the city, where butterflies are literally EXTINCT!

needless to say, i felt extremely blessed and humbled.
i said a silent prayer of thanks to auntie and realized that
the moment that i saw the butterfly
was around the same time of day that my auntie passed on last year.
amazing.

how appropriate, i thought, to see a butterfly.
not only is it a symbol of life,
it is also a representation of transformation from one life into another,
into its most beautiful form.

re-set

Over the last few days i
have been making a conscious effort to
re-set , re-calibrate, refresh.
i decided that I would prioritize with my health.

The first week of November was emotionally and
physically challenging as my family and I
dealt with my dad's health.
Everything is fine now but for 2 weeks before
election day, my family and i were in the dark
about whether or not dad had to have a major operation.
As luck and blessings would have it, he was able to
avoid major surgery and instead had an angioplasty
done in the 5 blocked arteries on his heart. This is a
2-hour procedure that only required him to stay in
the hospital overnight.

According to his doctor, he was lucky -
lucky because if he went through this last year,
he would have no choice BUT to have bypass surgery.
Apparently, they did not have the technology then to perform
the type of angioplasty that they did this year.
A thousand halleluah's and amens for this blessing.

Now that dad is on his way to recovery, i decided to
immerse myself in physical well-being as my own way of
healing. I started doing cardio exercises again and
finally enrolled myself in our neighborhood yoga studio.
I LOVE it! The instructors are so accommodating and
supportive of our own personal journeys with our
practice. So much so that I was actually able to
lift up my entire body into a hand stand (against a
wall, of course) in my FIRST Ashtanga III Yoga class.
It felt good to be able to keep up with this advanced
class even though i have only been practicing yoga on and
off for the last 3 months or so.

Now, when I stretch or exercise or just
make my way through my day, I have a deeper sense
of my posture, my breathing and my general awareness
of body, mind and spirit. It is a welcomed addition
to the body/mind/spirit awareness I have already gained through
massage. I suppose you could say that my journey
with this is at its half-way mark as i integrate
my different perspectives and understandings.
Needless to say, it is an empowering thing.

When I'm in this yogic state, i always think of my
Tita Alma. As a practitioner of a spiritual tradition,
if you will, called Brahma Kumaris, she practices a
more meditative yoga practice several times during the day.
She introduced me to her meditative practice when she
came to visit us a few years ago.
Aside from that, being in a state of peace and deep
awareness reminds me of Tita Alma because that has been
the focus of her life and life's work.
Everything she does is about developing herself and
empowering people around her to be and live positively.

The best thing about her practice,though, is that she
wasn't at all imposing about her views or beliefs.
in fact, I consider her a revolutionary because she lives
in the Philippines and continues to practice her spiritual
tradition in the midst of the predominant (and imposing) Catholic culture there.
Also, Tita Alma began practicing Brahma Kumaris later in
life (maybe in her late 40's/early 50's). By then, most
people are already tainted and jaded or plain and simply in
a state of complacency with their spiritual selves.
But, Tita Alma pushed past all of that and found a space
that allowed her to express who she truly is.

i know that i have a long way to go before i
get to the right place with my health and well-being.
It's just nice to be back on this road again, and
I am super excited to continue on with a new journey
through yoga.