6:12p

trick-or-treaters
I'm just sitting here blogging til the
kiddies start ringing my doorbell for candy.
I was considering not opening my door this year...
'wasn't sure if any kids would come out with the whole
East Coast Sniper thing.
There weren't ANY children that came out last year...9/11.
But my boyfriend bought candy a couple of days ago
while he was on his lunch break, so I guess we're going to
have to open the door to trick or treaters this year.

I remember in '99 and '00...boy, all the kids came out!
The doorbell rang every 5 minutes or so. That's how it is around here.
Where I live in suburbia, we are ALL blinded by the clean streets,
green grass on everyone's lawn (except ours...I refuse to waste water, time and money
maintaining something just for looks), nice schools and
a million parks nearby...
So, we feel safe...the kids feel safe...and people take advantage of
halloween with their false sense of security.
But I do enjoy opening the door to see these super cute kids in
their super cute costumes....and then I wonder if some of those
parents let them actually EAT the candy they get
'cause some of these kids that come to my door can barely walk,
let alone say, "trick or treat". ;)

{doorbell interruption}

cute! just had my first trick or treaters at the door:
* a San Jose Sharks hockey player and
* a mini Spiderman!
...They are actually our little next-door neighbors. such cuties!

Sexism
So today, I got a lot accomplished with my bathroom
project. Spent most of the time painting the cabinets, though.
It looks pretty good...I like the color even though it isn't
exactly what I thought it would look like.

'spent some time shopping for materials and had this
interesting experience at Home Depot....

I was in one of the aisles shopping for sand paper when this
other customer all of a sudden asks if I need any help. Mind you again,
he was just another customer like me.

Anyway, he proceeds to give me all kinds of info that:
a) I didn't ask for and
b) i didn't want.
He kept going on and on about what I needed to do to complete my
project and that if I couldn't complete it, I should go through a professional..
blah, blah, blah....

and then I started thinking..."you know, this asshole wouldn't be saying
all this shit to me if I was a man."

Just because I've got breasts, this jerk assumes that I
don't know what the hell i'm doing...
and the nerve of him telling me to go through a professional to get
the job done! mother fucker!
I wanted to tell the guy to go to the next aisle and pick himself up a can of sHUt-the-hell-up! ;)

maybe I'm over-reacting...but maybe not.
this is one of those cases where the guy was being sexist in the most subtle way...
not that he necessarily MEANT to be sexist, but that is just my point.
Sexism is sooo ingrained in our psyche and our everyday practices
that we don't even recognize it when we are right in the middle
of doing/saying something sexist.
And because of the fact that we don't recognize it, we continue
to perpetuate it...continue to perpetuate it as this
normalcy.

anyway, I wasn't super duper pissed...just very irritated,
because it is people like him who raise their kids to be the
same way...without knowing they are sexist (or racist, or ___ -ist)
which continues the endless cycle of perpetuating certain
-isms as normal.
It is sad, though, because it is normal in our society.
that's what makes it so hard to break out of it, especially when it is so
much EASIER to not even think about it.

1:08p

Jam Master Jay
damn, can't believe it's true...
someone actually went into the legendary
Jam Master Jay's studio and shot him in the head.
My boyfriend told me about it today. Damn this world is
so crazy! check out the story here.

Jam Master Jay and the music of Run DMC
are one of the symbols of my jr. high/high school
days...growin' up pinoy in this suburb of the bay area.
Whenever we had a school dance or some kind of event
where music was involved, all the D.J.'s would:

1. almost always be Pilipino and
2. be playin' Run DMC's songs

In fact, even now when we dance at weddings/parties,
that song w/ 'Peter Piper' is like GOLD when you hear it.
You can hear everyone on the floor yelling, "awww yeaaaa!" when the song comes up
and then bust out with old school routines til' ya can't remember anymore moves. ;)

wow...such a tragedy.

7:26a

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
brrrr...it's cold in here...there's even a little
layer of frost on the rooftop of the house
next door. My computer sits right in front of
the sliding door that leads into our backyard
so I can also see my neighbor's roof.

yippee....I get to eat more candy today! ;)
...and give some away to the kids that will
come knocking on our door, too.

in my dreams
anyway, last night while I was lying in bed,
I kept thinking about the damn bathroom walls...
how do I want to paint it?
Then, BAM! Right before my sleepy eyes carried
me to Mr. Sandman's world, I had an epiphany!
'Haven't run it by my boyfriend yet, but i'm sure he'll
like it. I'm just really excited to put it all together.

10:32p

more progress!
just finished cleaning...get this...the grills to our 2 air vents
in the bathroom!!! Good LAWD...dunno what's gotten into me.
But I'm trying to clean up and re-do this bathroom the right way.
tomorrow I'll prep the walls for painting, sand and paint the drawers,
and if i have enough time, paint the walls.
'Still trying to figure out how to really jazz up the walls, though.
I would really like to do something like the bathroom in Real World - Chicago.
I love the color scheme of the doors and mosaic tiles.


Anyhow here's the before pic #1...



and before pic #2 of my bathroom project




...just for fun...and of course for my cousin, Gail, to see.
She and I share a love for home decor. In fact, it is more than love,
we are like on the same page, same wavelength, etc. when it comes
right down to it.
Like, if I re-arrange my living room or something, she will be
the first person I will share it with....I'll even call her long distance...
we're just crazy like that (or maybe it's just me ;) ).

Anyhow, I'm all excited now about getting everything together.
'Will look up some more stuff on the internet to get inspired
on what to do with the walls.

I'll post the "after" pictures as soon as it's done.

12:50p

finally! progess!
I'm waiting for the paint/varnish stripper to take effect on my
bathroom cabinets.
ugh!!!...but I'm a little nauscious form the smell of it.
it's this safe, non-toxic organge smell, but damn...
too much of ANY smell can be toxic, ya know?!

anyhow, I'm gettin' hungry. will treat myself out somewhere.
dunno where. but, babe, if you're reading this,
I took a kit kat from one of the bags...hehehe! sorry, but i had
to quench my appetite. ;) it was a gooood kit kat, though! ;)

12:26a

fitting in my new skin
Gosh, I've been editing my page for over a couple of hours.
I decided to try and figure out how to add stuff to my blog spot.
You know, like a tag board, site meter...
and of course I struggled since I really had no idea how to add anything.
Thank goodness my boyfriend is a software engineer! He helped
to get me started. Thanks, babe!
I don't know HTML very well, although I took a beginner's workshop in it.
'haven't really used it at all, though, so I'm basically still a beginner.
I enjoy learning it, though. I even blew off the dust from my old HTML
book on the shelf and thumbed through it for a bit.
Actually, I think I'd like to actually finish reading the whole book.

Anyhow, so for about an hour after the light bulb in my head
went off on how to make my blogspot really mine, I tried
different stuff....changed colors, changed font sizes...several times.
I even managed to add on a tag board.
Then I published everything, took a look at it on the site and just pondered awhile about the tag board.

I originally wanted to add it so that folks can drop a line after reading
my stuff if they are so compelled to do so,
'cause I'm all about processing what you digest from things/people.
But I later decided that as cool as it would be to
connect with other folks out there in the world,
I would be more paranoid at what people's comments would be
about my stuff.
And then I came to realize that this little blog spot of mine
(at least for now)
is just that: mine. my space. for me.

And I know that whoever reads it will judge me, be it positively or negativley.
It's just human nature. Can't help that.
But in all honesty, I just need a space to process my thoughts, feelings, experiences
(and to also share a little glimpse of my life with my family and friends who are long distance from me)
without worrying about what others have to say about it.

But the good news is...I'm inspired to learn more HTML!

8:37p

IKEA
Feelin' much better today. No more crazy boredom.
I completed all but one thing on my list...balancing my checkbook.
Will do that tomorrow.

Spent part of my day shopping/getting ideas at IKEA.
Bought lots of ornaments for our x-mas tree this year
and found the dopest bargain in the "As-Is" corner:
a super cool floor lamp with a wavy white shade (half the length of the whole lamp)
and silver bottom. It kinda looks like it belongs in a very retro decorated room
...this for only $20!
I LOVE bargains!

I originally went there to look for new hanging lights for our bathroom and
dining room.
Since I don't have much money to spend, I decided that I don't want
to buy lights anymore. I'll instead just spray paint the ones I have in silver
to update their look...and boy do they look like they are from the 70's!

Also went to Dale's Hardware to get paint samples.
I'm planning on re-painting the bathroom walls and cabinets.
The cabinets = dark blue
The walls = light blue w/ accents of dark blue, lime, gray...we'll see what works

Ooh! and I finally figured out a way to make a dining room table
that is inexpensive and stylish at the same time.
I saw it at IKEA. basically, they put together a dining room table
by putting legs on a countertop top. get it?
You can purchase pre-cut countertops (in different colors and sizes)
and legs (also in different colors and styles).
Dunno why i didn't think of this before!
Luckily, their countertop selections were pretty stylish, too!
All this for $135 as opposed to $299, which is the price for the table I originally wanted.

Anyhow, tomorrow I'm planning on stripping the old
varnish from our bathroom cabinets to prep them for
painting. Also, am planning to go to the city to my
favorite upholstery/drapery fabric store (Sal Berese Fabrics) to buy some
more purple velvet. It's in this cool old brick warehouse. I guess that's
why his prices are reasonable...I'm sure rent is cheaper when you're
in an old brick warehouse, so it cuts down on overhead. It's pretty neat, though...very much feels like a loft...
well, except that there are HUNDREDS
of spools of fabric taking up space! ;)

Anyway, I'm planning on sewing another curtain panel with the velvet
that will go in our dining room to balance out the two panels that are
already up. I'll only need 3 yards, so i hope this won't cost too much.
oh, and I guess i should call my auntie linda to ask if i could borrow her
sewing machine. Wish I had my own.

OOHHH, how i wish i had enough money to re-do this house!!!!
It's so old! so dated!
But i know, I know, there are more pressing things that i need to
focus on with my money, mainly....SAVING IT!
I'm just really into re-decorating/re-furbishing stuff...i get a lot out
of the creative aspect of it.
I'd much rather go to a garage sale and buy something for
hella cheap and then update it by being creative.
In fact, of the 4 couches, lounge chair and 2 ottomans I own,
I only spent money on ONE of them: the leather couch for $89.
My friend sold it to me used...and honestly, this couch is really worth $250...
my friend was just being nice...and she wanted to get rid of it quick.

anyway, i think I am just blabbing aimlessly, so I think
I need to get goin'.

Uh oh...i'm bored again. will go look for something to do.

;)

9:43

Better habits
just got back from jogging again.
jogged around the neighborhood for about 20 min.
will stretch out my worked out muscles.

7:58a

Bad Habits 2
Miraculously I have awoken way way before noon!
Damn, I think my system is pretty fucked up. ;)
Man, this is totally pathetic, but I was going crazy last night
because I was bored out of my mind.
I kept worrying all day about what to do
and at the same time worrying that there was no time to do anything.
Man, it's sad how I let my mind take over sometimes.

Ended up researching home decorating stuff at Barnes and Nobles,
went on-line to do more research on home decorating,
ate a bowl of spaghetti, watched VH1 (Where are they now - Child Stars)
and a little of Golden Girls...don't ask me why, but I like that show...and then went to bed.
Woke up with a fat headache....massaged my head for a few minutes...now it's all gone.

Okay, so TODAY I WILL do the following:
1. work out
2. balance my checkbook
3. call a window store for an estimate
4. research a place to donate my old car
5. Call my friend back...haven't seen her in almost a year (and she lives 5 min. away)

By the way, the reason why i haven't been looking for
a job is because I just got an offer last month to work at a new spa in the city.
They are still undergoing the building permit process on their end, so until that's
all settled I won't be able to get my license to practice there.
It's a pretty beauracratic thing to go through...it's not like a quick run into the drive-thru at
McDonald's....nothing ever is, really....sometimes not even going through the drive-thru
at McDonald's! ;)

More Practice
Tonight, I'm supposed to have a session here at home with a friend.
I was certified in Pregnancy & Labor massage a couple of months ago,
so my friend is gracious enough to be a guinea pig.
I want to get some practice in on a few folks before I market myself
in that modality.
Actually, the whole process of learning about pregnancy & labor massage
has been really amazing. I guess because for the most part, I am learning about me
and what my body is capable of doing.
Gosh, there is just soooo much to know about pregnancy.
One of my pregnant friends said she bought a super-thick book on the subject.

I actually had a session with that friend. I have massaged only a couple of
pregnant women before her, but I had never worked on their bellies.
In massage, this is actually contraindicated (should not be done) unless
you practice extra-super-light pressure.
Anyhow, when I was massaging her belly, I just kept thinking to myself
that I was massaging her baby's little home...
I swear i got all veklempt! 'Almost teared.
It's so hard to imagine how a fluid filled sac can provide life to a little someone.
But there it was...at my fingertips.
i felt so humbled and honored at the same time
that she allowed me to do that.
It's probably the most awesome experience I've ever had in my short massage career.

Bastards
So last night, I finally got the whole scoop on what's been going on in Russia.
It amazes me how the Russian government can say that the whole
operation was a "success" because there were less than 30 percent in casualties.
Can you believe that crap!
It's always bothered me how government or other administrative bodies
make light of/generalize events that are of enormous significance
to the community...or in this case the WORLD.

I know that on one level, the limiting/public critical analysis of information
is important in preventing public hysteria,
but for the most part, it is all about power...controlling information so that only
a limited few can go on pillaging the rest of the world.

I just pray for all of those families affected.

3:08p

Therapy Session
Just came back from the city.
My brother and I drove into San Francisco today to
take part in the Giant's Rally at PacBell Park.
Picked up my boyfriend at his work on the way, too.

Man, it was great driving in there today.
It's sooo beautiful! except for the little hint of smog,
but otherwise, it was a perfect day at the ballpark...
i didn't even need to wear a jacket!

It was great to see the long line of fans waiting to get in.
The rally was free...free parking, too.
I think about 3,000 people showed up.
It was a really short rally...about 20 minutes.

They showed lots of highlights from the season..
they were playing the first one when we walked into the stands.
I forgot the name of the song they were playing, but it
kinda made me tear a bit.
Man, they really deserved to win.
It was great to see all of them out there along with their families, kids.
I felt really proud.

I know my boyfriend was pretty bummed last night.
He didn't even really talk much during the game.
I figured he probably already knew what was to come.
But he's been a Giant's fan for so so long...and last night
was just way too big of a loss.
'Felt so bad for him, cause I know how much he
wanted them to win.

There has been a lot of work and struggle put into
their getting a spot in the World Series. Lots of sacrifices too.
And it's been 50 or so years since they last one a World Series game...
anyway, you get the picture.

So today was a good little therapy session for all those
die hard fans...all the folks who just plain supported them.
We even saw a few of our friends there....all from completely different circles from one another.
That just proved to me how far-reaching the game of baseball is.
It's a sport that is definitely a part of the everyday,
...at least in this little corner of existence.

So there's still a fat chunk of the day left.
Gonna go out and get me some...of the day, that is. ;)

9:36a

Rock Star
Sunny outside again today..hope this lasts til the end of the year. ;)
'Got an extra hour of sleep since daylight savings kicked in on Sunday morning.

So a little over a month and counting for my big 3-0...yes, 'can't believe
I'll be thirty soon.
Gonna celebrate "rock star style" (as my cousin Gail would say) in the
city of sin - Las Vegas.
So far, I've got a pretty good party crew of friends going with me...about 14 to be exact,
including little Isabelle, one of our friends' 2 yr olds...she's so adorable!
Planning on dancing til dawn for 2 days and just spending time with
my friends.

I'm not much of a drinker...actually, I just have low tolerance, so
i'm pretty much good after 1 drink...although a couple of shots wouldn't hurt ;)
Seriously, though, my friends (esp. girlfriends) and I LOVE to dance, so
as long as there's music and a little bit of space, I'm good to go...for hours!
especially, if it's hip hop or r&b playing.
And, I don't even need a dance partner. Just let me loose and I'm good on my own.

Can't wait! Just gotta build up my stamina til then, so gotta keep workin' out. ;)

Limits, Limits, Limits
There are times when I feel taken for granted and really am.
Sometimes this happens because I give too much of myself
coupled with the person on the receiving end taking too much and not realizing it.
I've come to realize that there are just people in the world
that are so used to receiving (whether it be attention, their way, their own space, etc.)
that they have a limited capacity to think outside of the box about it.

In my case, I've learned that it is ok for me to limit how much I give
of myself to these people..and in general.
...though this was a challenging thing to learn, esp. because these
people are sometimes close
and I would feel lots of guilt.

But, It's ok to set limits for yourself
because in giving...sometimes too much....
it is so easy to lose parts of who you are.

And to be quite honest
I'm SICK of people not learning their stuff...
not considering that the world doesn't revolve around them...
not realizing that relationships are a 2-way street.
Life is way too short for me to waste my time
waiting for these kind of people to change/GROW UP.

And you know, I'm a pretty patient person and believe that everyone has
their own time to develop into better people
BUT...there are times when I just gotta set my limits, you know.
It's all I can ask of myself.

12:22am

Long Day
---------------
I'm so tired...'had a long day...not to mention that the Giants lost.
BIG BUMMER! It was such an exhausting game...you're down one minute
and the next minute someone bats a run in.
Man, if they only held their 5 pt. lead yesterday!
I really really wanted them to win. Plus, I truly felt it should have been theirs.

We had some friends over again along with my brother.
I'm so glad these guys came. One of them is such a crack up!
He totally kept the mood light in spite of the drama on the screen.
It's been a while since I've seen this particular set of friends, too, so
it was great to hang out a bit...even though most of our attention
was focused on the game.
It's funny, of the 7 games in this World Series, we had 10 different
friends over...it's just a great way to spend time with your folks, ya know?

Anyhow, tonight I also cooked some spaghetti (w/ hot dogs...pinoy style)....like a BOAT-load of it.
My brother has been craving it since last weekend, so I thought
I'd cook him some. He was so funny...
While he was eating his first bowl, he was in heaven. He
just kept being silly about it, too...totally cracked me up!
I've never seen anyone so happy to eat my spaghetti. :)
Total ego-booster.

Also, I decided to forego my attempt to get that nail cutter out of the sink pipe.
'Thought I might instead fix the leak in the faucet, but I just got fed up.
The directions in my little household fix-it book didn't help
me decipher how to unscrew a screw that was barely there...it was
completely corroded! I guess I just need to find more patience with
fixing household stuff.

My boyfriend and I decided to just buy a new faucet altogether.
Besides, the one we have now is all crapped out...and ugly too!
So this will be our project for next weekend.

I was gonna write some more, but i think I'll save it til tomorrow, er, I mean, later today.
I am so brain dead tired!
Goodnight!

10:59a

This makes 2
---------------------
Yeah! Worked out again today.
Jogged around the neighborhood again (about 25 min)
Then, did some sit-ups and worked out my back.
My lungs feel a bit worked out, but I think they are beginning to
get used to it.
I felt a little more energetic today on my run.
I actually decided to run through my old elementary school.
I ran through the halls, playground area..passed by the cafeteria
and the little side door where we lined up to buy our hot lunches.
Of course, back then, a complete, balanced hot lunch only cost $0.85!

It's sunny again today. Not too cold, but not too hot either. Perfection.
One thing I really like about jogging around the neighborhood is
seeing what's goin' on and smiling/waving to people I run past.
I'm all about smiling at people...well, except the rude and obnoxious ones...
Those folks can just kiss my fat ass! ;)

Goals
-----------
So, today I'm planning on doing a lot before this afternoon's World Series game 7.
Yup, unfortunately, the Giants were not able to hold their 5 pt. lead yesterday and lost 5-6. BIG FAT BUMMER!
So, that means there's one more game left since each team has won 3 games.
Whoever wins this one will be the World Series champs...GO GIANTS!

As for my goals for today, all boring stuff...i.e. getting a nail cutter out of the sink pipe (how freakin' exciting, huh?),
doing laundry, balancing my checkbook.
But, I'm going to try to find some time to go to Barnes and Noble (big bookstore chain here in the states)
and look up stuff on home decorating. I'm planning on working on the house next weekend, so
I need some guidance.
Will also cook..we might have some guests over to watch the game with us again.

My brother is here too. Cool!
Since he's in college and studies all the time....I mean ALL THE TIME,
we don't often get a chance to see eachother, so when we do,
it's precious time.
He will usually bring his homework and do it here, but just being in the same place
at the same time makes a difference.

Well, off I go! Will enter more later.

GO GIANTS!!!!!!

10:59a

Kettle Corn
----------------
Did I say KeNNel corn in my lst entry? I actually meant KeTTle corn...dummy. ;)
So I got some. I got the biggest bag...yum!
Am actually munching on a bowl of it right now.
Just in case you don't know what this stuff is, it is basically popcorn.
At the farmer's market, they cook it in this huge kettle...kinda looks like
a witch's kettle...with sugar and soybean oil. Then, when the corn
is all popped, they add a little bit of salt. So you get this yummmmy
popcorn with a little bit of a carmelized crust from the sugar and a little saltiness
and all in all it is just HEAVEN! And when you start eating it, I swear, it's so good that
you can finish a whole bag! ;)

So I walked around the farmer's market. It's very small compared to some of the others
around the Bay Area, but it's close and there's Kettle Corn. That's good enough for me.
I love farmer's markets. The veggies and fruits are usually a lot cheaper than in the grocery stores.
Plus, (damn, can't get enough of this kettle corn) it's cool because your money goes directly to
the farmers themselves and not some middle man.

I bought a pound of raw peanuts for like $2...planning on boiling them in salt water....Pilipino style.
ALso got a bunch of sitaw (aka Long Green Beans) to make a dish with sauted bagoong (salted shrimp paste), tomatoes and shrimps.
It's a Pilipino dish, but I dunno what it's called. Hella good, though!
Then, I bought a couple bunches of white and purple flowers for $6...not bad.
I did all that while pigging out on my big-ass bag of kettle corn! ;)
Ahhh...farmer's markets!

I'm blogging right now cause I'm waiting for my friend to get home.
Guess she forgot I was going over there.
It's ok, though, cause it's given me time to listen to this anti-war
rally on the radio (KPFA 94.1). KPFA is a really dope station.
Very diverse, liberal, covers community/global issues, shares news
with a critical point of view. Very UN-CNN.
The couple of speeches I've heard so far
have been amazing. There's one quote, though, that sticks out from one of the speeches
by a woman:

"It's easy to talk about war when you've never been in one. President BUsh, Cheney...where were you
when your country needed YOU?"

Ahhh..if I could only be so eloquent.

will call my friend to see if she's home yet...

9:36a

Broken
-----------
Yippeee!!!! I've broken the evil spell of laziness!
I'm awake before noon!
Like Chi Chi, I had a litte bit of a challenge
going to sleep, too. I read a couple cook books
(Martha Stewart & The Friends Cookbook - yes, the TV show, "Friends")
to help. Reading before bedtime for some reason helps me go to sleep easier.
Besides, I was trying to look up a cool recipe for Macaroni and Cheese.
Ahhh...the things we RANDOMLY crave to eat! ;)

I'm gonna get ready for my visit to my friend's house.
[Damn, I must've snored up a storm last night, cause my mouth is all dry and gross! ;) ]
Then, I'm off to our local farmer's market (it's just 6 blocks away)
to buy some flowers for my friend and her mom.
'Might even pick up some kennel corn to eat for this afternoon's World Series game..mmmm, my FAV.!

8:50p

Bored
---------
So I'm back from my session. Feelin' kinda bored.
Also feelin' kinda tired.
Wow, 'guess that afternoon run took a little out of me.
That's what i get for being a lazy ass for so long! ;)

Not much planned for the rest of the evening.
I'm just happy to be home with my boyfriend,
(he's sitting right next to me playing Madden Football on his computer)
and happy that tomorrow's Saturday
which means I won't have to get woken up by him
getting ready for work.
And lately, it's been bothersome. I don't know why.
I'm usually out like a light until 10a.
I guess all this lack of exercise is just getting to my
body.

Bukas ("tomorrow" in Tagalog)
-----------
Tomorrow morning, though, I'm planning on visiting an old friend and her family.
We've known eachother since we were in 3rd grade, and although
we don't keep in touch often,
it's like we just saw eachother yesterday
whenever we DO talk or see eachother.
What can I say...i've been blessed with the best people around me. :)

Anyhow, I'm pretty excited to see her, esp. since
she's going through a new journey in her life, too.
It's funny how she still continues to influence me,
even though we hardly ever talk.

I'm excited to see her family, too, esp. her mom
who just went through a pretty serious operation.
When we were kids and I went to her house after school,
her mom always treated me like I was one of her kids.
In fact, her family hired me in my very first EVER job when I was 14.
'Treated me like family, always.

In the afternoon, we're getting together with some friends
to watch game 6 of the World Series. Pretty exciting.
If the Giants win this one, they win the series.

I'm also just excited to hang out with our friends.
Actually this week we hosted dinner on Tuesday and Wednesday
at our place to watch games 3 & 4.
It was fun, but I kinda overbooked myself w/ too many obligations on Tuesday night so
I wasn't able to serve dinner until 9p...
As my girlfriends and i say, "it was PP" (Poor Planning).

Final thoughts for the Day
-------------------------------------
So writing in this blog has felt pretty good.
I'm guessing that these first few blogs will most likely be
my longest, since this is a whole new thing for me.
Although, I hope this won't be the case 'cause
I really value processing the stuff that happens in my life.

And honestly, it's not an easy thing to make space
for this kind of stuff in your daily schedule. All the other
"pressing" (though not always the most important) things in life
usually get priority.

Besides, I really miss this. In my last job, we ran
a training program for young adults which consisted of
weekly trainings that focused on discussions/investigations
of social issues along with professional development training.
I was actually one of those "trainees" (aka AmeriCorps member) in my
first year with them.
Although I didn't speak much during discussions, I got so much
out of the space that the staff created. My mind/perspectives/misconceptions/prejudices
were stretched to the fullest.
I never felt so challenged to THINK about/pick apart stuff in my life!
Going through that program as an AmeriCorps member and then working as a Staff member there
for over 4 years was one of the most valuable things I've ever done with my life.

So why did I volunteer to be layed off from this job?
It was just time for change.
And the best part of it is I made some of the greatest connections
with people there...People I now consider my family, my strength, my inspiration.

And the funny thing is, their impact on my life carried over to my boyfriend, too.
'Cause through all of that digging, searching, picking apart of social issues that I went through,
he was along for the ride, too.
And all of that has made us better people from it, if not more aware individuals.

So, like I said, I appreciate this space as a place where I can process my stuff.
wow...sure did digress a bit, though, huh? ;)

Til tomorrow...

4:18p

Did it!
--------
whew! just finished stretching.
I did it...jogged around the neighborhood for a
good 20 minutes.
I guess I'm really out of shape, because I'm feeling a little winded.
But, it felt great to be out there
in the sunshine, running over all the fallen and crunchy autumn leaves...
I know, sounds like a tampon commercial or something, huh? ;)

Nevertheless, I feel better.

Will finish watching Trading Spaces (one of my fav. shows).
Then, off to work I go!

12:29p

Bad Habits
-------------------
Good Morning!
Wow, I woke up at 12 noon again. Bad habit.
I'm going to work out today, so that I can get off of this
crazy sleep routine.
Actually, I've had this goal to lose weight/be physically
healthier all of my life. And I was just thinking last night,
"hmmm...maybe this little blog can help with that".
I figure, if I write my goal(s) down for the day here,
then perhaps that will get me motivated to
actually follow through with them.
And when you are unemployed, it gets harder and harder
to do stuff sometimes.

But the good news for today....it's sunny again!
no clouds...just blue sky and sunshine. just the way I like it!

World Series
----------------------
So last night my boyfriend and I watched game 5 of
The World Series between the San Francisco Giants and the Anaheim Angels.
We gave those Angels a FAT spanking! The score was 4 to 16.
Honestly, though, I've got a lot of respect for both teams.
It's been an AWESOME series because both sides are so talented.
I really can't be a hater towards the Angels.

And also, I've never been into baseball as much as I have been
watching this series. I usually can only
watch an entire game if i am there at the ballpark...you would have to PAY
me to watch it in my own living room.
But I guess this time it's different...probably because
the Giants are in it.
But nevertheless, i think I have a new-found appreciation for the game.

And since baseball is my boyfriend's favorite sport, it's great to be able to share
it with him. The one thing I love about his love for baseball is
his true appreciation for it. He's definitely not one of those hater types
who trash talks other teams or is a "bandwagon jumper", etc.
He truly has an appreciation for baseball history, how it's impacted society,
and how the individuals in it have changed the game (and society).
And when he shares this stuff with me, it helps me understand
that baseball is more than just a game....it is another glimpse at life.

C.M.T.
----------
So, no big plans today.
I just have a session tonight.
I am a Certified Massage Therapist.
After I was layed off from my job,
I got certified in massage therapy and it has been
an awesome experience since!
Talk about finding new perspectives!

It's just great to be able to see (and experience) "connections"
between what we do and how our body responds and also
how our environment, mental states, and ignorance about ourselves
causes the ailments we suffer from.

I'm even seeing "connections" with the stuff I learned in Bio
class in college. And back then, I was so blind to it.
I had to take that class twice!

More than anything, though, it's taught me about and given me BALANCE
in my life. And for the most part, I think that living your
life positively is all about that....in everything you do.
But sometimes that concept is not the easiest to grasp..as easy as it may be.
Because when you are in the middle of your dramas or issues or whatever,
the big picture is sometimes super fuzzy. ya feel me?

Anyhow, better get going with my day. And since I'm not the early bird
today, I can't catch worm, so I'd better be productive somehow! ;)

Hey Chi Chi! Thanks for the shout out on your blog!
..and for adding me onto your blog list. very cool!
And I'm glad you liked the poem....Thank you!

3:11p
Inspirations
--------------------------
This is kinda wierd...writing my stuff on this blank, white screen for all the world to see.
But it feels good at the same time to be outside of my box.

Today is a totally Blah day...it's super ugly and cloudy outside. I miss summer.
Got up at 12 noon today, did a few little chores here and there, but didn't feel totally satisfied.
I kept thinking about something my boyfriend wrote for his photography class homework...
The topic was to list some things that keep you from going out and taking pictures freely (or something like that).
Anyhow, one of the things he wrote was that he felt limited sometimes because he feels this pressure to do the things he NEEDS to do before everything else.

Funny...i often feel that. Probably due to how I was raised to be responsible and all that good stuff.
So today, I decided to not let that feeling get to me and opened up this new little blog of mine....

I was really inspired by my cousin in London, Fatima...although I call her Chi Chi. :)
We rarely see eachother. In fact, we've lived apart in different countries most of our lives.
I've only seen her really twice in my lifetime....I spent about a month with her when she was 3 and I was 9.
Then, 5 years ago, I spent a week with her. But regardless of this distance, there's definitely this "connection" we have.

Anyhow, Chi Chi has her own website and blogs all the time. And ever since I started reading her stuff, it's made me feel like I'm right there,
sharing in her life, which with the physical distance, is more than I can ask for. She's also started a new journey in her life, so its just great to read about all the stuff she's experiencing.
Plus, she's just one cool, grounded chick who rocks...and I'm not just saying that cause we're related! :)

Then, I've got another cousin, Gail (also cool, grounded, and rocks!), who's all the way in the East Coast getting her MPH at Columbia (you go, girl!).
She also inspired me to take our conversation about "journaling" into action. I just think it would be a great way to share with her (and vice versa) what's going on with me across the miles. Although,
I still call her sometimes. She's really not that far in my opinion and when we talk on the phone (sometimes twice a month), it literally feels like I just talked to her yesterday.
That's just the kind of relationship we have. :)

Finally, I've been unemployed for the last 10 months (since January) and my life has changed in so many ways (all positive). So, even though I'm about 10 months late, I figured, there's still time to process all of what's
happened. Cause it's just been such an amazing, amazing journey for me.

My Truths
----------------
I swear, I thank God everyday for this opportunity to have so much space and time for myself. I still believe to this day, that this was an answered prayer...for real!
Although some may see this free time as a negative thing (i.e. less time for me to make money, save money, etc. ), i really really appreciate this time.
I've learned so much about my weaknesses, my hopes, my dreams, and most importantly,
my truths.

I have was even able to write a little again with all of this time. I use to write in my journal a lot, but just let things get in the way of it.
I haven't written a lot, but I was actually able to belt out a poem. Yes only one.
Trust me, that's progress for me! :)
So, for my grand opening of my little corner of existence, I thought I'd include
that one poem here.
(by the way, it's still cloudy and cold over here. no change. damn.)
(have a nice day! and thanks for reading)

"DISGRUNTLED" - by me/completed 10/6/02

over and over it plays in my head-
words of ignorance, ideas so neatly packaged in a tightly sealed box
no room for change
no room for other perspectives,
it is what kills humanity.

How long will we be blinded by
* the "American Dream"
* traditional practices evolved from colonization
* mainstream concepts of marriage
* society's definition of beauty
* the pain we feel from another's stabbing words
* or the complacency we live
from never leaving our comfort zones?

I struggle to find hope
in the evolution of thoughts
the evolution of souls
the transformation of life
from formulaic recipes
to a movement seeking TRUTH.

I struggle to live out my truths
as I continuously stand corrected
by the sea of experts
who claim to know
* what I should do
* who I should be
* where I should be
* when I should be where I should be
* why I should believe without
thinking,
criticizing,
investigating,
picking apart,
adding,
deleting,
digging
...deep enough

over and over it plays in my head:

words of ignorance
ideas so neatly packaged in a tightly sealed box
...killing humanity

I struggle to
revolve
evolve
transform
live out my truth

to quell the things that
leave me disgruntled
in this journey,
this movement to find TRUTH.