i wonder if many people who have lost a loved one
experience moments like mine.
I know my friend Cindy and her family do.
I've had some great chats with her and Auntie Glo about it,
one of which almost made me bawl my eyes out
cause it was so touching.
 
i was actually listening to the morning show on
Alice Radio on my drive to work.  They were featuring
an old halloween special where they had a clairevouyant
serving as an intermediary for loved ones
who passed away.
GAWD!  I cried all the way to freakin' work
cause this lady was just telling
people things that only their loved ones
on the "other side" would know.
 
i thought of auntie linda the whole time.
as tragic as her passing was,
there is a certain calm that i feel
when i think about her.
perhaps i have an easier time accepting her passing
because i'm not her daughter or husband.
however, i can't deny what i feel when i think of her.
instead of dwelling in her passing, i am motivated to move forward.
 
of course, the question remains: which direction do I go?
believe me, the answers have been wrapped up in too
many layers of analysis, worry and personal politics for far too long.
but the other day, i think auntie linda sent me a message
to help set me straight. 

last saturday morning, I was sitting in my kitchen
looking outside at our overgrown orange tree
with the cloudless, blue sky in the background.
something about that picture just made me feel good,
'made me think about the wonderful times I've been
having lately getting to know new friends and
spending more quality time with old ones that I don't see too often.
 
at one point in my thought process, i just knew.
it was all a gift from above. 

then, for reasons i can't explain, i had this sudden urge
to pay careful attention to
which Avril Lavigne song was playing on my CD player at that moment.
And that's when I bawled like crazy.
I knew for sure auntie linda was sending me her good vibes
from above.
 
In my heart, I knew it wasn't a coincidence that this was
the song i was hearing:
 
"Who Knows" - Avril Lavigne 
 
Why do you look so familiar
I could swear that I have seen your face before
I think I like that you seem sincere
I think I'd like to get to know you
a little bit more
 
Chorus
I think there's something more
life's worth living for
 
Who knows what could happen
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
 
How do you always have an opinion
and how do you always find
the best way to compromise
We don't need to have a reason
We don't need anything we're just wasting time
 
(Chorus 2x)
 
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
 
(Chorus)
 
So you go and make it happen
Do your best
Just keep on laughing
I'm telling you
There's always a brand new day
 
(Chorus)


...thanks for always watching over me, auntie. I miss you.