beautiful butterfly

last friday, nov. 19th, i had a nice 2-hour lunch
with my co-workers.
i introduced them to this cute little italian
restaurant tucked away in a little alley
just a few blocks from our office.
one of my co-workers suggested having lunch together as a way
to distract herself from her soon-to-be released
Bar exam results.
of course, i obliged.

as usual, we talked our usual office gossip
and threw in stories about our families
and other goings on in our lives.
since that particular day was my auntie linda's one-year death anniversary,
i decided to share a little bit about her passing as well as her life.
it was a little surreal, like it always is, to talk about her in the past tense.
it's even more surreal when i recap the whole tragedy involved in her passing.
but, somehow, i am able to tell her story with a light heart.
i have no regrets or doubts when i talk about her.
i suppose i even feel a sense of responsibility to tell her story
as a way of keeping her spirit alive.

i haven't visited her "parking space" in months
nor have i performed my usual routine of looking
outside of the window of my BART train in the morning
to look for the monument that stands next to her grave.
i honestly haven't found a need to.
she is everywhere. there is no way to tie her spirit down
to one spot. that is why i call her grave her "parking space".
even when she was alive, she lived so fully. she traveled the world,
shopped like a maniac, laughed and joked with you like no one else could
and was plain and simply the epitome of life.

over the past year, i believe that she has been with me.
i believe that she watches over me and the rest of my family.
i believe that in many ways, she has blessed us this year
(i.e. the birth of her grandson, Mayson; her daughter graduating from grad school and getting engaged last weekend)
i believe that in her own way, she even sends me messages, sending me her love and assuring me that she is alright

...i believe this was her message to me last friday.

while walking with my co-workers back to our office after lunch,
something big flew towards us.
it lingered close to us for a moment, just long enough for me
to realize what it was.
at that moment, i gasped and put my hand to my mouth.
i didn't know whether to shout or cry in happiness...
the big thing that flew towards us was a
beautiful butterfly.

now, mind you, this was odd for many reasons, namely:

a) this was a huge, almost hummingbird-size butterfly, with orange and black wings, which i have probably only seen one other time in my existence AND...

b) this butterfly was flying around in the MIDDLE of the FINANCIAL district in the city, where butterflies are literally EXTINCT!

needless to say, i felt extremely blessed and humbled.
i said a silent prayer of thanks to auntie and realized that
the moment that i saw the butterfly
was around the same time of day that my auntie passed on last year.
amazing.

how appropriate, i thought, to see a butterfly.
not only is it a symbol of life,
it is also a representation of transformation from one life into another,
into its most beautiful form.