redefining identity

now that i am knee-deep into community work,
i am finding that i am not quite the same
"community worker/activist" that i used to be.
actually, i'm not sure if i can really define
myself as an "activist" as i am not your typical
grassroots organizer. or maybe i am but in a different way?

I definitely see myself as one who is "down".
Down with revolution,
Down with politicization,
Down with deconstructing and redefining social norms.

however, i must be honest with myself
and recognizing that I'm not as "down" as the real
deal "down" folks are.
i suppose that my biggest challenge is being more consistent
in educating myself on social issues, history, etc.
and practicing what i believe.

i question myself often, especially when
i come across people who exemplify the kind
of person i want to be.
I suppose this is natural
but i could not help but ponder this
as i surfed the net researching sites
of community organizations,
grassroots organizers,
youth movement organizers...

i support their mission/work wholeheartedly.
but for some reason or other,
a part of me felt removed from it.
i'm a little confused by this because
i was once a part of these types of social movements.

perhaps i'm a different person, changed by my more recent experiences.

i think i need to think about this one a little more...