5:13p

I had this sudden urge to blog today.
GAWD! it feels like centuries since I've written!
Maybe that's why I often feel like I'm just "floating"
through life these days.
I guess it's always better to use this space to process things.
Gives everything more meaning and value.

I am currently at work just dying to go home for the day.
I have a lot of work still to finish, but my brain has been really
sluggish these last 2 days.
I haven't worked overtime in a while, so my body and mind
are simply not conditioned for it.
Hence, I am using my "spare" time to finally blog.

it's like when you find a dollar bill in your pocket that you forgot about
I guess one of the reasons why I was a bit unfocused at work today
is because I found out that I could access some extra money
from a very unlikely place.
'Turns out that the education award that I earned from working in the 'corps
can also be used to pay for any living expenses incurred from taking classes.

This means that not only can I use part of my
education award to pay for tuition for the massage class
I am taking, i can also request money for any other costs
I incur while taking the class (i.e. class materials, books,
transportation/housing costs, a new computer, a new calculator,etc.).
AND, I don't even need to submit a detail of what the money
will be used for!
Hello! A little chump change for my NY trip!

I do feel guilt of course...using free money
that is supposed to go towards education expenses.
But if I earned it, shouldn't I receive it even if I may
use it for other things that I need?
Hell, I worked for $6.50/hour for 10 months for the 'corps
and supported the program as a part of the staff for another 4 years.
Shouldn't that be justification enough?
I guess the only valid question is, will I feel good about myself?

I guess I won't feel 100% proud of myself
for doing it, but really and truly I need it.
Besides, I work like a dog making very little extra
for savings.
shit, I barely HAVE a savings.
Under the circumstances, it's more a matter of necessity than anything.

I will still continue to use my ed award for education expenses.
I want to take a boat-load more of massage classes
and maybe some other social work classes at State, so it's not
like I am totally abusing it. I just don't want it all to go to waste, as
I only have until June 2005 to use it...all $4,000 of it.
Damn, that can help with my debts alone!

Anyhow, it's already 5:30, so I better be going.
my body starts getting this icky feeling when I am
here past 5p. Conditioned response I guess! ;)

More later...