3:11p
Inspirations
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This is kinda wierd...writing my stuff on this blank, white screen for all the world to see.
But it feels good at the same time to be outside of my box.

Today is a totally Blah day...it's super ugly and cloudy outside. I miss summer.
Got up at 12 noon today, did a few little chores here and there, but didn't feel totally satisfied.
I kept thinking about something my boyfriend wrote for his photography class homework...
The topic was to list some things that keep you from going out and taking pictures freely (or something like that).
Anyhow, one of the things he wrote was that he felt limited sometimes because he feels this pressure to do the things he NEEDS to do before everything else.

Funny...i often feel that. Probably due to how I was raised to be responsible and all that good stuff.
So today, I decided to not let that feeling get to me and opened up this new little blog of mine....

I was really inspired by my cousin in London, Fatima...although I call her Chi Chi. :)
We rarely see eachother. In fact, we've lived apart in different countries most of our lives.
I've only seen her really twice in my lifetime....I spent about a month with her when she was 3 and I was 9.
Then, 5 years ago, I spent a week with her. But regardless of this distance, there's definitely this "connection" we have.

Anyhow, Chi Chi has her own website and blogs all the time. And ever since I started reading her stuff, it's made me feel like I'm right there,
sharing in her life, which with the physical distance, is more than I can ask for. She's also started a new journey in her life, so its just great to read about all the stuff she's experiencing.
Plus, she's just one cool, grounded chick who rocks...and I'm not just saying that cause we're related! :)

Then, I've got another cousin, Gail (also cool, grounded, and rocks!), who's all the way in the East Coast getting her MPH at Columbia (you go, girl!).
She also inspired me to take our conversation about "journaling" into action. I just think it would be a great way to share with her (and vice versa) what's going on with me across the miles. Although,
I still call her sometimes. She's really not that far in my opinion and when we talk on the phone (sometimes twice a month), it literally feels like I just talked to her yesterday.
That's just the kind of relationship we have. :)

Finally, I've been unemployed for the last 10 months (since January) and my life has changed in so many ways (all positive). So, even though I'm about 10 months late, I figured, there's still time to process all of what's
happened. Cause it's just been such an amazing, amazing journey for me.

My Truths
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I swear, I thank God everyday for this opportunity to have so much space and time for myself. I still believe to this day, that this was an answered prayer...for real!
Although some may see this free time as a negative thing (i.e. less time for me to make money, save money, etc. ), i really really appreciate this time.
I've learned so much about my weaknesses, my hopes, my dreams, and most importantly,
my truths.

I have was even able to write a little again with all of this time. I use to write in my journal a lot, but just let things get in the way of it.
I haven't written a lot, but I was actually able to belt out a poem. Yes only one.
Trust me, that's progress for me! :)
So, for my grand opening of my little corner of existence, I thought I'd include
that one poem here.
(by the way, it's still cloudy and cold over here. no change. damn.)
(have a nice day! and thanks for reading)

"DISGRUNTLED" - by me/completed 10/6/02

over and over it plays in my head-
words of ignorance, ideas so neatly packaged in a tightly sealed box
no room for change
no room for other perspectives,
it is what kills humanity.

How long will we be blinded by
* the "American Dream"
* traditional practices evolved from colonization
* mainstream concepts of marriage
* society's definition of beauty
* the pain we feel from another's stabbing words
* or the complacency we live
from never leaving our comfort zones?

I struggle to find hope
in the evolution of thoughts
the evolution of souls
the transformation of life
from formulaic recipes
to a movement seeking TRUTH.

I struggle to live out my truths
as I continuously stand corrected
by the sea of experts
who claim to know
* what I should do
* who I should be
* where I should be
* when I should be where I should be
* why I should believe without
thinking,
criticizing,
investigating,
picking apart,
adding,
deleting,
digging
...deep enough

over and over it plays in my head:

words of ignorance
ideas so neatly packaged in a tightly sealed box
...killing humanity

I struggle to
revolve
evolve
transform
live out my truth

to quell the things that
leave me disgruntled
in this journey,
this movement to find TRUTH.