phew!

i just spent the last 2.5 hours balancing my checkbook
and figuring out my budget for the next 2 months.
as always, i am behind on this.
i'm always behind on doing those adult, responsible things.
let's face it, i am still just a kid in many ways.

am listening to the new John Mayer album with the SO
and am enjoying the groove.
usually, i listen pretty closely to the words and meaning
of the songs, but right now
I can only devote my brain to blogging and
enjoying the music.

i had a little happy moment today
while riding on BART.
i got this nice feeling about work.
well, not the work itself of course, but
rather the new people that i work with.
it just confirms what i value most in life:
connecting with people.

perhaps this new found light is my reward
for spending the last year getting used to
the very different culture of my work environment.
not that it's bad, just different and not quite
where i thought i'd ever see myself.

i'm still wondering why & how i landed there.
i often feel like the odd ball with my very
ghetto-like style.
i suppose it is up to me to take advantage
of the opportunities that this
new work environment provides.

(wow, this is a good album. as always, listening to john
mayer tunes always gets me in the blogging mood.)

I am actually in a state of calm right now.
i still can't see my future clearly, as usual,
but my anxiety about it has subsided.
last night i tried looking for answers
in my little purple book of inspirations but to no avail.

i think a visit to "the big apple" would do it.
shit, a trip anywhere outside of here would bring
much clarity, space and peace.
it's that time to get away so i can breathe deeper
and exhale all the toxins of life from my system.
i am seriously dying for inspiration to run through
my veins again.

i wonder why that is?
the trip to italy was so inspiring.
i felt so incredibly alive.
so what is it, i wonder, about that compared to my everyday?
do i really belong in that beautiful country far away
to resusciate me and make me whole, or is there
something I need to change about myself to find the cure?

or maybe, i just need extended time away from my everyday
to find my clarity?

excuse me while I search on jetblue for some low fares
OUTTA HERE. :)