11:04

naks!
I like this new interface for posting on blogger.
now if I can only figure out what the hell happened to my damn archives.

just cause i'm not religious
...doesn't mean I don't believe in a higher power
in fact, once again, the powers that be came to my rescue again.

for 3 days straight
I randomly ran into my best friend, R,
and got a chance to spend quality time with her.
once again, in the 16 + years we've been friends, we find ourselves
on parallel paths.
I'm convinced we are soul sisters. there

{interruption: creepy crawler coming towards my keyboard. eck!}

...there is no doubt about that.

we're both going through the same thing with our new
jobs. ironically, both of us are working in completely new fields,
and, unfortunately, are going through a lot of growing pains.

the similarities in our problems are uncanny.
seriously, we could be the same person.
the best thing about it is that
we've been able to go through the shit together.
and for me, that's been the biggest blessing!

and how timely was it that we were able
to share so much quality time together this week
when both of our situations were at their peak?

like i said, just cause I'm not religious, doesn't mean
i don't believe in a higher power.
cause only random stuff like that can come from some place good.

deconstructing the monster
over the last couple of months, i've felt like i was on a completely different planet -
completely foreign land.
yet again i am referring to my new space of existence: the place where I earn my bread and butter.

'been thinking a lot about it particulary this week.
hanging out with R has helped me to process my experience
on a deeper level.

with all things considered (growing pains and all)
I would say that this whole thing is yet another challenge.
It's simply up to me on how to step up to the plate (or not).

probably the most daunting thing is the fact that I have no roots
in this new field.
no source of passion and motivation except to make ends meet.
and there is also the point that it is a corporate environment, which
I have been against being a part of all these years- a contradiction to my values.
suffice it to say it's been tough to truly be open to the experience.

but after the several "processing sessions" i had with R,
i realized that maybe that was my problem: I haven't allowed myself
to fully embrace my new placement because i didn't want it
to compromise my values or my person.
in effect, i had given up the chance to grow. to grow.

so perhaps then, i thought, the best thing for me is
NOT to assimilate, but rather to adapt and take risks,
but more importantly, to evaluate my situation and find solutions to things
that are more challenging.
after all, I need the money right? :P (j/k)

nevertheless, i was happy that SOME kind of light
broke through this thick skull.
seriously!
i had been struggling for weeks,trying to figure out
why the hell I couldn't make significant changes in my
situation. and believe me, I was struGGALING!
I know I'm kinda mindless sometimes, but I didn't think I was a complete idiot!

but...
so even though that piece of the puzzle is almost solved.
I still feel like that feather in the Forrest Gump movie -
still floating aimlessly...but with a definite destination.

then again, i should be used to that by now.
my college years were the same.
I remember feeling scared a lot of times because
of the hazy future that lay ahead of me.

but still, things worked out in the end.
i guess it was just a matter of moving forward, taking risks
and having some kind of hope that there was a purpose to everything.

I still believe that to be true.