5:41p

here i go again...

wow. it's been 2 straight weeks since I've blogged on a regular basis.
it was hard to come back and blog again, knowing that I had so much
to catch up on. I can't believe I let myself give into that kind of pressure.
I've got enough of that deal with than to worry about blogging.

truth be told, i miss blogging.
A LOT!
I've been feeling lost a lot lately...frustrated, sad...all kinds of
crap.
And I haven't had any type of outlet to thoroughly process it all.
However, my BART rides to and from work is the time
that I have to sit and think.
But i don't write, so it kinda inhibits the process a little.

All i know is that I am slowly but surely getting sucked
back into this rat race.
No matter how much I tell myself that my path is different,
I've been noticing the changes in my life that are a result
of the 9-5 grind - the very thing that I VOWED to
keep myself away from.

In any case, I'm still alive and kicking.
I guess that speaks for something.

the job
work has been a good learning experience.
I just can't help but think to myself that this is only temporary
because I am most definitely not as challenged as I should be.
I mean, don't get me wrong, it's interesting stuff and there is a lot to learn, but
it doesn't necessarily pull at my heartstrings or get my blood pumping.
It's not really a passion - just a means to make money.

it's very safe, though.
working in the corporate sector definitely has its benefits and security.
so much so that I'm afraid I might get stuck here.
the money isn't good, but it isn't bad either.
If only my stupid massage job would pick up, I would actually be alright.

I had kind of a frustrating experience last Friday, though.
UGH!!! I just hate not knowing everything that I need. this learning
thing kinda sucks a little because I am basically doing it by trial and error.
I'm often in the dark because I have no procedures manual to go by.
it's all about the notes I've kept from the mini tutorials I've been given.
I'm actually expected to create a procedures manual so those notes
definitely have to be perfect.

what I really want to blog about:
anyhow, I don't really feel like getting too caught up in all of that work business.
it's not monday yet, so I prefer to take a break from it until then.
I've been wanting to write about my brother this whole week.
I'm so proud and excited for him.
he graduated last week from college with a double major in the engineering field and a minor in
something technical.

it was great to see him walk across the stage in his cap and gown. my mom made him
a flower lei and 3 candy lei's.
my entire family took up a whole row of seats and his friends were in the stands as well.
We all screamed for him. it was for sure a proud moment.
one of my uncles gave my brother a big fat kiss on the cheek at the end of the ceremony.
it was one of the sweetest things I'd seen in a while.
He was so proud of him.

It was also great to meet a bunch of my brother's classmates, especially
his partners in his senior project.
it was nice to get a glimpse at parts of my brother's college life.

unfortunately, he's walking into the real world with no job yet.
I'm not quite sure what his plans are, since he's been so consumed
with classes up to the day of graduation.
I think I wrote before how he had 6 classes his last semester.
They pretty much consumed most of his time, so looking for a job
was out of the question.

My and my bf got him a gift certificate for an airline ticket as his
graduation gift. I really want that kid to go out and have a good time
for a change.
he's always working, working, stressing, studying.
It's time to give his nerves a break.

All I can say is, I still can't believe he's graduated.
I'm so used to him being a student and being able
to not have to worry about real world stuff.
now that he's stepped into that, I'm just really hoping he
grabs hold of life and lives it to the fullest.

I know he's smart and knows better than most.
I know he's a deep thinker, has solid values and understands the
world on a pretty mature level (even though there's always more room to grow).
I'm just both excited and anxious to see how his life unfolds.
It's such an amazing thing to be his age with your entire life in front of you.
I just want the absolute best for him - happiness and good health most importantly.

I guess being 7 years older than him, I'm both "ate" ("older sister" in Tagalog) and "parent", and I can't help but
want the world for him and worry about how he takes on the world.

But ultimately, I have faith and trust in him.

Good luck to you, brother. :)