yes, i have been gone way too long.
too long even for me.
but the good news is, i've gained some new perspective as of late.
i never thought it would freakin' come, but sure enough it did.

'spent this weekend painting for the first time (well, aside from fingerpainting in kindergarden).
i took a class (sponsored by SF State) that was about
exploring the creative process through painting.
up til that friday of class,
i don't think i truly understood what that meant: "the creative process".
well, i thought i knew, but i don't think i've truly experienced it in the way i'm supposed to,
even though journaling and blogging have definitely helped me to come close.

but this weekend was about expressing what i truly wanted to
without any limits.
and I tell you, it was challenging as a mofo!
it was difficult for me to get away from trying to paint the perfect picture or
trying to arrive at some definitive end-product,
even though our teachers explained that this was not what the
creative process is about.

still, slowly but surely, i began to understand...
respecting one's creative process is not about trying to create some image or product.
it's about letting your insides move your brush on paper (or whatever instrument) in whatever shape or form.
and you have to learn to let go of judgement.
you have to learn to let go of seeing what you've just transferred onto paper as good or bad, ugly
or that it means something about who you are.
you have to simply accept it, whether it "fits" on the page or is in alignment with who you think you are.
what you end up painting is there because it's a part of you.
it's something inside of you that simply wants to be expressed.
that's it. that' s all.

in a way, it kind of reminds me of friendship.
it's about accepting another unconditionally,
allowing people to be.
and if this friend has hangups (like all of us do), it's about allowing that friend to grow and be
who they are supposed to be.
only this time, with the creative process, it's about letting you be you
...unconditionally.

(got more to say, but will continue later)