auntie linda
i think i understand now how it feels to lose a parent.
that's what auntie was for me.
she was like my second mother, one of my favorite aunties - right up there with tita alms and tita b.
auntie passed away yesterday afternoon.

after going through the motions of my grief,
I began to realize that i was following the
formulaic/step-by-step phases of grief
that i've read about in my old Psych books
and learned in counseling workshops
"how odd", I thought.
i hate formulas.

the hard part was
that I found out about her passing at work, so the BART ride home
was the longest ever.

where do i begin with describing my pain and heartbreak?
those words mean nothing compared to what i felt.
I never thought i could sob uncontrollably for what fel like forever.
maybe the last time was when i was 4?

all i know is for the first time, I truly could not see past that moment.
hope?
ha!
what the hell was that?
I couldn't believe i was asking the same question that i've
had answers to so many times before:
what's the point in life?

really...tell me.
you couldn't convince me if you tried.
not even i could find some frame of reference or perspective at that moment.
nor did i want to.

all i knew was, my auntie was gone.

but in my sorrow, i could not help but be comforted by the memories
that made her such a significant person in my life...