where am I now?

literally...
in front of my computer at work,
waiting for the SO to pick me up
so that we can go running/walking by the bay.
I've got another hour to kill, so I thought
i'd finally post something.
i just smelled my hands, which
reeks of Palmolive dishwashing soap
cause I just finished cleaning my
bowl from lunch.
it was filled with rice and Dinty Moore
beef stew.
it was ok.
tasted kinda fatty and made my stomach hurt,
when I looked at it later, I thought, "maybe this is what dog food tastes like".

figuratively...
I'm in a happy state,
I feel cleansed from the workout I had
at lunch.
increased blood circulation and oxygen
really does a body good. I guess milk does, too, but
it gives ME gas. pu!
I'm also in an antsy state
knowing that it is 26 minutes past
quitting time
and I am still here waiting...endlessly waiting
for my ride.
I suppose I should do more work since I took
an extended lunch but
my brain stopped 26 minutes ago.

I am excited for tomorrow, though.
I can wear jeans, a t-shirt and tennis shoes instead of the usual business casual - yeck!.
I'm going to Zachary's pizza for lunch with my co-workers
and me and the SO are going to watch Ratatouille and
head over to our friends' lovely cafe.
It's nice to look forward to things. :)

Lately, I've have been focusing more on the present
than planning for/fantasizing about the future.
It's literally been "one day at a time" for me lately.
It's kind of an interesting place to be. Life feels a little slower,
but I find that I worry a little less than usual.
I suppose it is the ignorance that comes with just
thinking in the present.
But it's nice and I appreciate the change of pace.

I stopped planning my work days in the car in
the morning - partly because its been making me car
sick - and that's helped lessen my anxiety as well,
even though I've often thought that it wouldn't.

And my body's been wanting to eat
more plain food lately which clearly
contradicts my love for the complex, rich, and luxurious
flavors of my usual favorites.
that's been nice, too.
It certainly keeps it simple for me when I have
to decide what I want to eat.
There's no need for the usual fanfare that
I subscribe to.

Simplicity is nice for a change.

Makes me think that I am wayyyy too much
of a complicated person most of the time.
My brain/emotions is/are so used to taking
the loopy route when coming to the conclusions
and solutions of things.
Most of the time, A+B NEVER equals C.
There's always other factors I have to consider
before finding a solution to my equation.

I just realized that in my previous post,
I didn't quite enjoy being in this state.
I wonder what changed?

I suppose that I've realized that I can only
control so much of my world.
I suppose that I have to surrender...just a little for now.
I haven't completely lost myself, like I feared.
I still feel like I'm wandering a little, though.
But maybe that will go away with time.

So for now, I am where I am and I'm ok with it. :)