10:11a

looking like tina turner
that's me this morning.
went to my best friend's 30th b-day last night
and decided to do something a little different with my look.
so, I decided to use my s-curl curling iron on my entire
head of hair.
by itself, it was a bit much to look at, so i had to tone it down a bit.

'decided to put it in pig tails.
'turned out ok, except my hair looked a bit fried.
it was definitely an urban look, though -
appropriate for a night out in the city.
'even got a lot of nice comments on it.

but when all was said and done and I
got up to pee this morning,
I almost scared myself when I saw my crazy, tusseled, slept-on hair in the mirror.

if only the world worked like this more often
effective communication is, perhaps, one of the most challenging things to achieve in any type of relationship.
it's especially challenging in situations where there is a conflict of some sort,
most especially when it deals with conflicting personal values.

for the last 11+ years that me and my bf have been together,
we've faced that challenge over and over...and over and over.
everytime we change as individuals, we challenge eachother's current beliefs, values and perspectives.
it's a constant process of pulling and pushing and picking apart...and then some.

and last night was nothing different.
i honestly was stuck on seeing things through my lenses but didn't know it.
all I knew was that everything that came out of his mouth was just not
jiving with my values.
and for minutes (that felt like hours) we existed like that,
both sides not completely understanding the other, feeling hurt, anger and frustration
(but still communicating amicably)

...until something finally clicked.

and I was there with him, on his side, able to finally see
and comprehend what he was trying to communicate to me.
and my original perspective was shattered to bits.

strangely enough, i was actually in his same shoes recently,
so i could relate whole-heartedly.
And as it turns out, our misunderstanding had nothing to do with conflicting values at all.
I was completely missing the point before.
And thank goodness I was able to get out of that because now I understand what he really needs.

Call me dramatic. Call me over the top. Call me wierd, but in all honesty,
the whole process was simply amazing.
I mean, I was literally coming from left field with my perspective...totally and completely missing the ball.
It was one of those instances where I could've missed an opportunity to
be there for him simply because I couldn't understand where he was coming from.
Plain and simply, I could've kept him from (for lack of a better word) just "being".

but most importantly, I would have never gotten to that place without him
guiding me with his patience and affirmations of my views and feelings,
as he's done a million times before.
It's quite poignant because these things are, perhaps, some of the most difficult to give another.
It's just one of the side effects of being human...you do what's easiest and most in your favor.
So, being able to step out of that realm, to me, is quite revolutionary
...but more so it's a step toward the evolution of man-kind
(cause the last time I checked, we've still got a lot of work to do on us).

So I guess you could say, I owe a lot to my bf
for giving me hope in people, in the possibilities to be better than what we are
individually and as a whole. And although he's not the only person who's affected me
in that way, the relationship I have with him is what keeps me grounded in those ideals.
Cause everyday we still pull and push and pick apart our lives together
but STILL manage to love and respect eachother in the end.

If only the world could work this way more often.
If only.