i CANNOT WAIT until this fucking project is over and done with.
as usual, we were in rush/crisis mode again.
i did my best to create structure & process to make sure things
got done correctly.
unfortunately, i didn't as good of a job as I could have. UGH!!!!!

i'm super irritated because I know I could have done well,
if things weren't so crazy here.
I know that this is all a result of being
a start up, but
how long can we legitimately use that excuse?

there are still a gazillion things left undone,
a gazillion structures and procedures not
yet developed.
we STILL don't have a friggin' list of priority
projects w/ a timeline to work with.
i'm really beginning to feel like not only are we
cheating ourselves but more importantly
we are cheating the young people and the community who
pays for us to run this place.

and EVERYBODY's burned out.
and EVERYBODY's frustrated.
and EVERYBODY would probably walk away from this project if
they got a better offer some place else (or maybe
that's just my assumption?)

All I know is,
I cannot work in crisis mode forever.
I cannot work in utter confusion, inconsistency,
and chaos.

I acknowledge that part of the problem is me,
and I need to fix it. NOW.
But part of that means that I may have to give up
too much of myself.
And I'm not sure this project really deserves
that kind of investment.
I already feel the toxins taking over my body again
after not having worked out for a week and a half.
thank goodness I'm not feening for carbs and sweets, too.
that would just be the end of me!
(and I got to such a good place 3 weeks ago
when I focused solely on my healing).

I'm really sleepy now.
and am just trying not to worry about this one
thing that is due first thing tomorrow morning.
i think i'm ok.
the groundedness that i've been feeling since
my week of healing, hasn't completely gone away.

i just would like some answers and direction on
the best path to take.
I am so knee-deep in this project now that
i almost feel like there is no other way to go
than move forward.
I think i have passed the point of no return.