3:29p

those "International Coffee" moments
'been spending some time this morning cleaning up the house.
believe it or not, there are still things to clean up from the party 5 days ago!

I was reminiscing some more about that night.
it's always a challenge as a host to get a chance to have a solid conversation with your guests,
especially when there are many guests (try 50), dishes to wash and replace, the doorbell and phone to answer,
guests to say goodbye to when they leave, etc. etc. etc.
Nevertheless, those conversations are what I look forward to.
And I've made more of a conscious effort over the years to make those opportunities possible.
In fact, I think this year, I am more at ease with this and can even multitask with washing dishes and
having a good conversation with friends.

One conversation I remember at the party was one around 3:30/4am.
There was just 3 of us...and we got to talking about having kids.
It was really a refreshing talk because all three of us were on the same page about it...
something I don't always expect when it comes to this subject.
We all questioned it...something I wonder if people do before they have kids.

Speaking for myself, I'm still not convinced/still haven't found an answer to the
question: "Why have children?"
It's not that I am against it, nor do I think that children are bad.
i probably will have kids someday. Plus,
I love kids and even believe that it is everyone's responsibility to ensure their positive development:
"It takes a village to raise a child"
...I truly believe in and practice this.

But sometimes I have my questions and doubts.
i.e. why bring a child into this world
...when there are currently millions of children who are neglected, abused, or have no parents/guardians to care for them?
...when the earth is already overpopulated and resources depleted?

There are so many parents out there who have children for the sake of tradition...going with the flow...or
plain and simply b/c of ego.
'Don't think critically about having a family.
'Raise their children to be racist, homophobic, sexist, close-minded, etc....simply with their subtle comments and behaviors.
(kids "model" our behaviors/actions more easily than follow what we say)
It's sad, because even though children are the most beautiful beings in this world, we continue to produce them and
raise them into people like us.
Thus, the cycle of homophobia, racism, sexism, age-ism, etc. continues.

Of course, there are the few that do not subscribe to those things.
But again, they are but a few.
The rest of us continue on enjoying the fruits of capitalism, never thinking outside of the box
or stepping outside of our comfort zones.
Thus, never creating change/revolution, or get in the way of it.

This of course is not to say that there isn't change.
I know we live in a better place than we did 50 years ago.
But, there is this other side of life that happens.
we can't ignore it.

So that conversation with my 2 friends was a good one.
One friend was open-minded enough to consider adopting vs. having her own child.
The other friend expressed her desire to do many things in life.
She didn't feel any pressure to have children right away.

I'm thankful that I can be in the company of folks who are able to
look at life critically..
who don't just go with the flow.
who define life in their own way without getting caught up in tradition or meeting the status quo.
hmm...I think I'll re-publish my poem again.
'kinda explains further where I'm coming from.
------------------------------------------------------------------
"DISGRUNTLED" - by me/completed 10/6/02


over and over it plays in my head-
words of ignorance, ideas so neatly packaged in a tightly sealed box
no room for change
no room for other perspectives,
it is what kills humanity.


How long will we be blinded by
* the "American Dream"
* traditional practices evolved from colonization
* mainstream concepts of marriage
* society's definition of beauty
* the pain we feel from another's stabbing words
* or the complacency we live
from never leaving our comfort zones?


I struggle to find hope
in the revolution of thoughts
the evolution of souls
the transformation of life
from formulaic recipes
to a movement seeking TRUTH.


I struggle to live out my truths
as I continuously stand corrected
by the sea of experts
who claim to know
* what I should do
* who I should be
* where I should be
* when I should be where I should be
* why I should believe without
thinking,
criticizing,
investigating,
picking apart,
adding,
deleting,
digging
...deep enough


over and over it plays in my head:


words of ignorance
ideas so neatly packaged in a tightly sealed box
...killing humanity


I struggle to
revolve
evolve
transform
live out my truth


to quell the things that
leave me disgruntled
in this journey,
this movement to find TRUTH.