10:40p

relax yer back.
I forgot to mention in yesterday's blog that I tried my
first PiYo (combination of Pilates and Yoga) class at the gym.
It was probably not as grueling as Bikram yoga, but man,
it felt good.
it really makes you focus on your breath, which
allows you to clear your mind and develop a better sense
of your body.

my favorite part of the class was at the end.
We layed down on our backs and closed our eyes for almost
an enternity.
and after that, we got into the fetal position for a couple of minutes as well.
you really walk out of there feeling relaxed and centered.

...but then your sense of calm gets all fucked up when the folks waiting for
the next class (step class) come storming through the classroom to set up their
steps. go figure.

fitting into new skin
today was mad crazy at work.
I had so many things on my plate to complete.
at first, it was a little overwhelming, but since my body and mind
have done this kind of work before(at this kind of speed of light pace),
I slowly adapted. I actually enjoyed it, surprisingly enough.

'had a nice long chat with my co-worker.
she was the one who had my job previously.
now she's a grant writer for the organization.
got some more insight on the place.
from our conversation, i deduced that I pretty much have to
be proactive in this environment if I ever want anything to change.

I think this will be a good challenge for me, especially if I want
to continue investing myself in social change.
it's hard work.
'takes lots and lots of patience and...
lots of creativity and ingenuity.
that's what happens when you are underresourced.
...so I'm open to the challenge.

another thing is, i think this job will be a good lesson in
learning how to work with people in their varying
developmental stages.
there are definitely some folks in the office that
are completely unaware of how their mannerisms
can negatively affect people around them.
it's not as if they have bad intentions.
it's just that they lack a lot of self awareness and sensitivity to certain things.

all of this also reflects itself in the culture of our work environment.
relatively speaking, this new workplace is wayyy more corporate-like than
where I used to work.
there are only 8 of us that work in our office, yet
we are not only physically seperated by closed doors to private offices and walls of cubicles,
we are disconnected by our lack of communication.

I'm telling you this place only has staff meetings once a month...if they even have it.
it's really very odd to me, because while all my co-workers are generally very friendly
and good people, we are so incohesive.
it is so easy to lose site of what you are working towards because of this.

but i do think there is some hope.
I've pretty much come to the conclusion that
if I want to change things,
not only do I need to be proactive,
i also have to emulate the kind of person I would like to work with.
let's hope I can meet that challenge.
it would really be great to actually function as the well-respected organization that
this community holds in such high regard.

integrity is everything.