12:24p

prelude
I think the caffeine is kicking in from the coffee pearl drink, because I'm feeling motivated.
if only it weren't so freakin' cold in this damn house, though!!!
I can't wait til winter is over.

the play
work is like a vortex that you inevitably get sucked into.
it didn't matter that I promised myself not to get into bad work habits
to ensure my sanity and good health.
i'm still back to the same bad habits as before.

For example, desk work is soooo straining on your body.
It is probably one of the worst things your body (aside from torture) should go through.
So, i promised myself that I would stretch at every break and lunch hour.
have I done so?
niet.

i also promised myself not to work overtime.
Work is work.
It will get done at some point, so I shouldn't worry too much
about being an over-achiever at the expense of my mental and
physical health.
What did I do on Monday and Tuesday?
i worked an hour of overtime each day.

Even so, these are things that i can definitely change by
Thursday (the next day that I come in for work). The only challenge
is to be consistent with it.

There are actually other, more complex, challenges that I've been
reflecting on ever since my first day at this job. We'll call it "Job A".
As a non-profit, Job A faces the same challenges as my previous
job at another non-profit.
The only major difference here is, the whole place feels so disjointed.

There are so many different ways that this place is like this.
First, we don't have regular staff meetings, so communication among the entire
organization is terrible, to say the least. For example, no one ever knows
when our big boss will be out, so it's always this guessing game
whenever anyone asks me where she is. And, when there is
news of special interest to the staff, there isn't a space that is made
available for such information to be shared. And for such a small staff,
this is ridiculous!

Second, our big boss is always out at our other location, so we rarely have
quality time to check in with her on anything. In fact, all of the assignments she's
given to me thus far have turned into nothing but chaos because I'm never
given ample notice. Also, when she leaves me assignments on my desk,
there's never enough information for me to complete the assignment. This happened
yesterday, in fact. She wrote something on a piece of paper, but the information
was incomplete. There was no way for me to decipher exactly what the assignment entailed.

Third, there is lack of clarity on who ultimately supervises one of our interns and
this has affected my work time. This played itself out yesterday when our big
boss gave our intern a last minute assignment. Unfortunately, Murphy's Law
(once again) took over and our intern was not able to complete the assignment.
As a result, I had to pick up the pieces since this assignment was due this morning.
However, our intern apparently needs a lot more supervision than what
everyone in this office seems to think. For one thing, her work needs to be
checked because she's not very detail-oriented. And yesterday when I was checking
her work for accuracy, there were a few errors that she made, which I, therefore, had to correct.
...which, therefore, takes up the time I should be spending on my own work.

Finally, there's the situation with my direct supervisor. She's not bad. In fact,
she's been nothing but open and supportive of me. However, she's a very guarded
person to some extent. In fact, she explained this to me yesterday during our check-in.
I appreciated her honesty and her willingness to share her reasons for being this way.
But...it still doesn't sit well with me. I kept thinking to myself, "how in the world am I
going to be able to connect with this person?".
I mean, seriously! I'm even afraid to ask her where she went for lunch!

Come to think of it, though, I guess I don't have any choice but to learn
how to deal with her guarded-ness. I mean, she's not a discourteous or mean person.
She still remains very professional, respectful and cordial towards me. i guess, on
a professional level, that's all I should expect of her.

But it honestly is something I have to adapt to.
For one thing, I'm not used to having a boss (or co-worker for that matter)
who works behind closed doors...ALL THE TIME.
And whenever they need me, they call me over the intercom when their office
is just 10 steps away from me...AND we are the only ones in the office.
*shakes head*
I dunno about you, but it's very impersonal to me.

Overall, the culture of this new work environment is very different for me.
I guess it's not your typical, run of the mill non-profit agency.
But it's very ironic to me how an agency, that is a vital and much-needed community resource,
is lacking in being the same kind of quality resource to its staff.
I'm not saying that it is a terrible place to work. Everyone is generally very friendly,
nice and respectful as individuals.
As a team, unfortunately, I see that we are not cohesive or well-informed of
eachother's projects, agency issues, and important news.

And then I think, "well, maybe this is the way things work around here because of our
special circumstances as a DV organization".
Well, if that is the case, then why don't I know about it? Is bad communication
playing itself out in this case, too?

I know all of these issues are something I need to bring
to my direct supervisor's attention. And I definitely will.
I also need to figure out some concrete solutions for these
problems.

interlude
Nevertheless, this has all been weighing on me like a ton of bricks.
Ok, maybe not a ton, but it's been there on my back...along with my stupid neck issues.
If I could only re-decorate the place IKEA style, I think THAT would be the
answer to ALL of my problems.
Trust me....
You should see the place. it is screaming for color and LIFE! My GAWD it's that bad!

Just yesterday, I decided to open all of the blinds in our office.
I mean ALL the blinds so that you could literally look into our office and see
everything.
I honestly don't think they've ever been opened cause I could've sworn
a cob web or two had rubbed off on my hand from the draw string.
But, oh my gawd..what a difference those open blinds made!!!!
It was literally a difference between night and day!
For once I didn't feel like I was working in Fred Flinstone's freakin' cave!

*sigh*

the play: part II
in retrospect, I guess it isn't all that bad at work.
i think writing my "interlude" helped lighten my perspective a bit.
it's just so funny, though, how a minute space on this planet could be
filled with such complexity and that I can get so drawn into it...
Like an inescapable vortex.

'wish I had some kind of reality-keeper that
would slap me in the face whenever I get too
serious and too focused on one thing.
Oh wait, that's what my bf is for.
Even though I hate it when he's right, he always pulls me back down to
earth whenever I fly too far out.

It's just so good to get this out, off of my chest.
No more ton of bricks on my back. I just got the crapped out neck to worry about.
Nevertheless, I guess there's still some hope in me left.