11:53p

treat!
after visiting Bim's aunt in the hospital, I decided to head on over to Target
to purchase a x-mas tree.
I saw it last week.
It wasn't a white tree like I wanted, but
the size and price were perfect! It was only $20!

Once again, I had a nice surpise run-in with one of my bestest friends
in the world, cyn.
We met in Jr. high and have been like soul sisters ever since.
I feel lucky to have that kind of connection with her.
No matter where life has taken us, it always seems like we just saw eachother yesterday
whenever we meet up again.

through the looking glass
so..'been thinking a lot about my future during my goal-setting
time today..began thinking about what I would like to accomplish
within the next 10 years of my life.

I had some basic goals in mind. You know, the usual...kids, wedding, career.
But something inside of me wasn't completely satisfied that that is all there is to look forward to
...that having those things is the only way to experience life.
I know there is more out there...I can feel it in my gut.

That's why it has always been kinda difficult to do long-term planning like that for me.
I guess I'm one of those people that lives on "going with the flow".
It's not that I am not goal-oriented or anything...
It's always just felt a little pre-mature for me to put too much stock in a life plan.

I dunno...
call me crazy, call me lazy...
Life has just always turned out that way for me.
My life's path thus far has been a result of my "going with the flow"...
and honestly, i do not regret any decisions I have made with it.

My life has been so full...
I've learned so much/been challenged about myself, people, the world...
'have met some of the most amazing, inspiring, sincere, down-to-earth, caring people in the world.
And I've truly appreciated the different perspectives I have seen and experienced.

I want more of that...perspective, that is.

It's been wierd this entire year...
'been realizing that in some way I have come to a crossroad.
I guess i'm sort of at a place where I have to think of "adult things", like a mortgage, retirement, etc...
but part of me doesn't really feel that it is necessary to subscribe to all of that.
Part of me wants to just rent a cheap apt. with my boyfriend, so
that more of our money can go into savings and traveling and other hobbies.

but then part of me really LOVES this house
and the space we have to entertain friends...and just the overall flexibility we have with it.
but more importantly, this is my HOME...where I grew up. So much of my history lies here.

I know there is more out there, though, and I really want to experience a piece of it.
I'm hoping that when the time is right, my boyfriend and i can perhaps live some place outside
of California for a little while...maybe a year or two.
I'd love to live in New York and he would like to try Seattle. I hope that there's room for us to experience living in both.

In my current confusion, at least I can take comfort in that fact that
I can still see that there is so much left of the world/life
for me to take a bite out of. :)
I hope this will lead me someplace good.

til next time...