7:14p

so today is a blah day
...not as blah as yesterday, though.
boy, are those PMS hormones kicking in!
what's worse is when I was on the EFX machine..it really hurt to be bouncing up and
down. ouch!

found out that I gained a couple more pounds over the holidays.
but I'm determined to work out more often.
I've also begun to make to do lists again
and actually creating a schedule for myself.
I did everything except for 2 things on my list today.
not bad. it's a start.

nakaka inis!
feeling kinda yucky...
'just found out that my passing results for my permit test
is only valid for 30 days.
It's almost been 90!
I hope my new employer will be able to convince them to make an
exception since it is my employer's fault...
see...
- in order for me to work at their establishment, I need to have a permit to practice massage
- in order for me to get that permit I need to a) pass the permit exam and b) have an "intent to hire letter" from my new employer
- BUT, my new employer has to have a legal business establishment (i.e. have all of their building/business permits)

unfortunately, my new employer hasn't gotten all of their permits yet, so..
- they still are not a recognized business establishment
- thus, they cannot give me a letter of intent to hire
- thus, I cannot apply for my permit
- and since I took and passed my test almost 90 days ago.....

I MAY HAVE TO TAKE THE TEST AGAIN!!!!

What's more, the unemployment checks
have stopped coming, cause they've paid me everything
AND
My new employer is STILL undergoing building inspections,
so there really is no telling when i will begin work and earn money.

I can't really blame them.
I know I have more control over the situation than I think.
I should have made some different choices, though.
'Shoulda worked more temp jobs so that my unemployment checks would still be comin'.

My bank account is still ok....I know I can last through January, but
that's still a bit scary, even though I'm not super scared.

I'm prayin' that something will come through with the temp jobs.
I checked with them earlier this week (MOnday), and nothing yet.
but they have me in the database, so whenever something comes up that matches my profile,
they are alerted and thus contact me.

I also applied to a couple of part-time development associate positions today.
'Am planning on applying to a couple of massage openings tomorrow.

venting
i'm feelin' kinda whiny cause
I really hope I end up with a job that I will enjoy this year.
I need to pay off my debts already...and I have a lot!

It just really sucks sometimes because the things I enjoy
doing are not as financially valued by society as some of the other careers out there
like computers, business, etc.

Though I don't usually let this stuff get to me,
it's times like this when I get so pissed off at our stupid capitalistic society.
Seriously, isn't it just important to meet the needs of underresourced communities
than developing a fucking micro-chip...or establishing a merger with a fortune 500 company?????!!!!!!
FUCK THAT!!!!! FUCK THAT!!!!

I swear, I get SICK to my stomach when I click on the
"non-profit" jobs section of craigslist and find
that a social worker with a caseload of 100+ clients and works 80 hours a week only gets paid
$26-fucking-K a year!!!!!!
What the hell is that crap???!!!!!
I rarely EVER see non-profit postings where the salary is above $35K!!!!

I know, I know....this is the real world
and this particular world only values profits or "the bottom-line", but shit...I can vent can't I?!

Furthermore, I hate it when I get judged by certain people
who think I am not reaching my potential, just because I don't make a certain amount.
Isn't it enough that I enjoy what I do and provide a much-needed resource in the process???
I hear it all the time, "when are you gonna get a high-paying job?" "when are you gonna get out of poverty?"
Poverty??? WTF!!!???

(sigh)
so tell me...will i have to work 5 jobs (that I enjoy) to survive in this world?
well, FUCK THAT! I ain't buyin' it.
I'm not as dumb as I look. Period!

call me idealistic, but it's still all about changing the social structure
and I'm all about that!!

Can I get an R - E - V - O - L - U - T - I - O - N???!!!
MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

P.S. PMS sucks, but this is all real.